Wrongly Obama Wants Rescue Plan Approved Immediately

Well, it is an interesting Monday morning as we wake up to hear that high government officials and bankers from Citigroup worked through the evening to "steal", I mean receive a bailout of billions more of our taxpayer dollars. Isn't it nice to see such diligent servants toiling through a weekend night?! Personally, I wish they would have taken the day off and not given anymore of our money away to legalized criminal enterprises like Citigroup. If anyone else did what they did, we would call it extortion, but because they are a bank which is "to big to fail", we give them money until it hurts "US".
What a crock of something smelly this bailout nonsense has become, and daily the line of "bailoutees" grows and grows, and so does the anger out here in "real" America. We have had it with giveaways, and want our elected leaders to do as we say, and not as the "monied" interests want them too. Remember we have elections to send you people to Washington to do our bidding, and giving all of our money away was not what we had in mind. If you are going to do the same thing we did before, then what is the point of even holding elections. We could hire permanent civil servants to give our money away if that is what we want our country to do, instead of wasting all of the time, energy, and money to elect "new" leaders who are going to do the same old thing.
WASHINGTON~~~Wake up now before you drown us in your bailout madness. The markets cannot stabilize when you keep propping up bad companies, instead of allowing them to fail, and letting other better run companies to take their place. Simple common sense should be the mainstay of our government, not this fairy tale that they are trying to sell us, that they know what is best for the country. Just look at how inefficient the government is run, and then tell me that we want the whole economy to be run that way. Nonsense, Nonsense, and more Nonsense!!
Here is a story at Yahoo News concerning President elect Obama's economic recovery plan, and after reading it you may well be asking yourselves where his catch phrase of "Change and Yes We Can", come in, when it is just more Bushie economics. Perhaps it will just be transitionary, but please know that you are not doing what you were elected to do, if you follow Bush policies which have already failed. You promised a fresh approach and that is what we expect~~thank you very much!!

Anyway here is the lead into the story at Yahoo:
With the economy in crisis, President-elect Barack Obama called on the new Congress to act quickly in passing a costly stimulus package to create jobs as a follow-up to the hundreds of billions of dollars the Bush administration has committed to rescue financial markets.
"The economy is likely to get worse before it gets better," Obama said in a downbeat forecast, delivered 57 days before he takes the oath of office and with Americans heading into the year-end holiday season.
"Most experts now believe that we could lose millions of jobs next year," he said, urging the newly elected Congress to act quickly on his plans after opening its session on Jan. 6.
At a news conference, Obama was critical of the Big Three automakers, saying he was surprised they did not have a better-thought-out plan for their future before asking Congress to approve $25 billion in emergency loans.
link to full story

103 Years Later Einstein Is Proven Right

It has been a busy week as we prepare everything for "black friday" and the onslaught of customers. I have arranged all of the art prints so they will be easier to flip through, and for me to access any multiples that I might have for very popular prints. Don't let the economy scare you, sales are already ramping up this week, and it looks like it will be a sprint to Christmas.
Anyway, this is the first moment I have had to get anything posted for a few days, and I read this interesting story concerning Einstein's e=mc2 equation being verified after 103 years, and thought this was a good way to start Friday!!

The Yahoo News story begins: It's taken more than a century, but Einstein's celebrated formula e=mc2 has finally been corroborated, thanks to a heroic computational effort by French, German and Hungarian physicists. A brainpower consortium led by Laurent Lellouch of France's Centre for Theoretical Physics, using some of the world's mightiest supercomputers, have set down the calculations for estimating the mass of protons and neutrons, the particles at the nucleus of atoms.

According to the conventional model of particle physics, protons and neutrons comprise smaller particles known as quarks, which in turn are bound by gluons. The odd thing is this: the mass of gluons is zero and the mass of quarks is only five percent. Where, therefore, is the missing 95 percent? The answer, according to the study published in the US journal Science on Thursday, comes from the energy from the movements and interactions of quarks and gluons. In other words, energy and mass are equivalent, as Einstein proposed in his Special Theory of Relativity in 1905. The e=mc2 formula shows that mass can be converted into energy, and energy can be converted into mass.
link to the full story

Abraham Lincoln News: Copy Of Famed Lincoln Letter Turns Up In Dallas

It has been a few days since last posting as thankfully we have been very busy at the Coral Ridge Mall. People took advantage of the cold weather to come out and shop heavily Friday, Saturday, and to a lesser extent Sunday, but all in all it was a very good weekend!! Thank you to the patriotic shoppers who made the effort to pull the retail sales out of the doldrums:)
I see there have been many bad stories out there, from the wildfires in California, to the taking of another ship by Somali pirates, but I found this "cool" story at Yahoo News this morning, and beings I am a huge fan of Abraham Lincoln wanted this to be the first post of the week!!

A Texas museum hopes a document found in its archives turns out to be an authentic government copy of Abraham Lincoln's eloquent letter consoling a mother thought to have lost five sons in the Civil War. The famed Bixby Letter, which the Dallas Historical Society is getting appraised as it prays for a potential windfall, has a fascinating history. The original has never been found. Historians debate whether Lincoln wrote it. Its recipient, Lydia Bixby, was no fan of the president. And not all her sons died in the war.

The letter, written with "the best of intentions" 144 years ago next week, is "considered one of the finest pieces of American presidential prose," said Alan Olson, curator for the Dallas group. "It's still a great piece of writing, regardless of the truth in the back story." Historians say Lincoln wrote the letter at the request of a Massachusetts official, who passed along news of a Boston woman grieving the loss of her five sons. The letter is addressed to "Mrs. Bixby, Boston, Mass." and begins with an acknowledgment that nothing written could possibly make a grief-stricken mother feel better about such a horrific loss.
"I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming," Lincoln wrote. After thanking Bixby on behalf of a grateful nation, Lincoln wrote that he would pray that God relieve her anguish and leave her with only the "cherished memory of the loved" along with "the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom." The letter, as was the president's custom in his personal correspondence, is signed "A Lincoln."
link to full story

Day After Hump Day Humor: A Week After The Election~~Financial Crisis Edition

Happy day after Hump Day, a week after the election edition. In that week, we have had Wall Street show utter confidence in the new situation by tanking nearly everyday, and continuing to whine for more bailout money. They continue to waste our money on resorts, and vacations, as AIG executives did right after receiving $125 billion more dollars from Uncle Sucker!!
This behavior was anticipated by those of us, who opposed helping anyone out, and now that Uncle Sucker is open for business, everyone is asking for a handout. After GM and Chrysler, it will be Ford, then the airlines, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah, and we will continue working 63 hours a week, with no relief, nor end in sight, as the debt rises well above $10 trillion!!
I am too angry at the media for gleefully reporting the bad news everyday, and ignoring any positive signs that could turn this "recession" mentality around. Even local news is jumping on the band wagon with stories plastered on the front page about GGP, which owns Coral Ridge Mall, as well as many others throughout the country, and are in a financial "pinch" since the credit markets have dried up.
Well, let's also show that this is one of the strong malls, and that if credit turns around quickly, they should do just fine. Please, let's have the positive spin, and make sure to tell consumers to get out and do your Christmas shopping early. Perhaps you will even cut back a little, but if you have a job, and are reasonably sound, don't let the doom and gloomers, keep you out of the stores!! Come on out and see our cheerful, smiling faces, and spread the wealth in your own personal way!! Thank You!! :)
Now let us show a little American spirit and have a good day with some jokes, that may even be humorous ;)

A man was driving down a country road when his car stalled inexplicably. He got out and lifted the hood to see if he could find out what had happened. A brown and white cow slowly lumbered over to the car and stuck her head under the hood beside the man. After a moment the cow looked at the man and said, "Looks like the cylinder head gasket to me!" Then she just turned and walked away. Amazed, the man walked over to the farmhouse where he met a farmer. "I say, is that your cow in the field?" he asked. The farmer replied, "The brown and white one? Yes, that's old Mary." The man said, "Well my car's broken down, and she just said, 'Looks like the cylinder head gasket to me!" The farmer shook his head and said, "Don't mind old Mary, she doesn't know anything about cars!"
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A drunk man got on to a bus late one night, staggered up the aisle, and slumped down next to an elderly woman. She looked the man sternly and said, "I've got news for you young man - you're going straight to hell!" The drunk man jumped up and screamed, "I'm on the wrong bus!"
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Rules For Buying Gifts For Men:
Rule 1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why. Rule 2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. No one knows why. Rule 3: If you are really short of money, buy him anything for his car. A 50 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from the rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why. Rule 4: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to Boy Scouts or some other such organisation. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" nylon rope. No one knows why. Rule 5: A new TV remote control to replace the one he has lost. If you have a lot of money buy him the latest all-singing, all-dancing widescreen TV. Watch the smile on his face as he flicks, and flicks, and flicks. Rule 6: Label makers are nearly as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Men really enjoy using these. No one knows why. Rule 7: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. He will be too preoccupied to speak to you for hours and he will always have parts left over. Rule 8: Men enjoy danger. That's why they love to barbecue. Get him a big gas barbecue. Tell him the gas line leaks. Such excitement! Who wants a hamburger?" Rule 9: Tickets to a football match are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "Creative Flower Arranging for Beginners." Everyone knows why. Rule 10: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule 6 and what happens when he gets a label maker. Rule 11: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminium extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why!
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A very drunk man turns up at his house at 6 o'clock in the morning with his hair and clothes dishevelled. His long suffering wife, who has been waiting up all night, shouts at him furiously, "I hope you have a good reason for getting home blind drunk at this time of the morning!" "Yes," replied the man, "I'd like some breakfast!"
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A minister was delivering a sermon on sin. "Is there anyone here who is without SIN?" he shouted, glowering at the congregation. Embarrassed parishioners stirred nervously in their seats, but no one stood. Feeling he really had them this time, the preacher said, "Is there anyone here who thinks he or she is PERFECT?" One small man, seated next to a rather imposing woman, rose nervously to his feet. "So, Mr Jones, you think YOU are PERFECT?" "No, sir", the man replied, "I'm just standing for my wife's first husband!"
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Uncle John was in the fertilized egg business when I was young. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or 10 roosters whose job was to fertilize the eggs. My uncle kept records, and any rooster or pullet that didn't perform well went into the pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time. So, my uncle got a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. He could then sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by listening to the bells. My uncle's favourite was Brewster Rooster. A very fine specimen he was,but his bell had not rung all morning, so Uncle John went to investigate. Several roosters were chasing pullets, with bells ringing. Well, Brewster had his bell in his beak so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one. Uncle was so proud of Brewster he entered him in the county fair, and he was an overnight sensation. The judges not only awarded him the "No Bell Prize", but also the "Pullet Surprise!"
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How To Annoy A Policeman (If Your dare And If You Are Stupid!!)
1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol!" 2. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to 70. 3. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the bonnet. 4. Trip and fall into him. 5. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away. 6. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was. 7. Try to sell him your car. 8. Ask if you can buy his car. 9. Tell him you like men in uniform. 10. Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party
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Mary offered to care for the eight-year-old daughter of neighbours who were going away for the weekend. On the Saturday morning, she made breakfast, laying a generous helping of bacon and eggs in front of the child. "Mummy always serves hot pancakes for breakfast," said the eight-year-old. So Mary, very eager to oblige, hurried into the kitchen and quickly prepared a plate of hot pancakes, which she laid in front of the girl. "No, thank you," she said. "But I thought you said your mother always has hot pancakes for breakfast!" said Mary in surprise. "She does," said the child. "But I don't eat them!"
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Technical Support: "I need you to right-click on the desktop." Customer: "Ok." Technical Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Technical Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Technical Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Yes, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
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A nervous postman on his first round walked up to a garden fence. There was a large Doberman lying on the grass. An old man was sitting on the patio. "Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the postman asked. The old man replied, "No, he never has done." So the opened the gate and went into the garden. The dog ran over snarling and growling and bit him on his arms and legs. As the old man dragged the dog off, the postman yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" The old man replied, "He's not my dog!
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A primary school teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Now imagine this," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and calling for help. His wife hears the noise, and knowing he can't swim, runs down to the bank. Why do you think she runs to the bank?" A little girl raised her hand and asked, "Was it to draw out all his savings?"
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A student was flying home to London from Edinburgh. At the check-in, he said to the operator, "Now I want you to send my black case to London and my blue case to Amsterdam." The check-in operator replied, "I'm sorry sir, we can't do that!" "Oh really," said the student, "that's what you did the last time I flew with you!"
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The convent had been presented with a new car, a red Mini Metro. Sister Lucy, the only qualified driver, became the chauffeur for all and sundry. Every Saturday she would drive Reverend Mother into town for the shopping. All went well till Bank Holiday weekend when the town was so packed with people and cars that it became evident that there was no earthly place to park. 'Don't worry, Mother,' said Sister Lucy. 'You go into the supermarket and I'll drive round the block until you come out.' Off sped the car, and Reverend Mother bustled round the store quickly, picking up all the necessary goods and then rushing back to the kerbside. There she stood for five minutes, ten, fifteen, twenty. No sign of Sister Lucy. Where could she be? Eventually Reverend Mother approached a patrolling policeman. 'Excuse me, officer,' said she, 'have you seen a nun in a red Mini?' 'No,' replied the policeman, 'but these days nothing would surprise me!
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A young blonde lady had the windows in her house replaced with new double-insulated energy efficient windows. Twelve months later, she got a call from the contractor, complaining that the work has been done for a year and she had yet to make the first payment. The blonde replied, "Now don't try to pull a fast one on me. The salesman who sold me those told me that in one year they would pay for themselves!"
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Three elderly ladies were discussing the trials of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich." The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." The third one responded, "Well, I'm really glad I don't have that problem, touch wood." She didn't just touch it - she rapped her knuckles enthusiastically on the table and then said, "There's someone at the door, I'll get it!"
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"I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist," said the employer to the applicant. "Why did you leave?" "Well," she replied, "I just couldn't win. If I was late to work, he said I was hostile. "If I was early, I had an anxiety complex. "If I was on time, I was a compulsive neurotic
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Here Are Some LeftOver Quips About The Recent Election On LateNight Television:
"Just one week left to go in this election. It's amazing, isn't it? To give you an idea, do you realize that when this whole thing started, John McCain was just 47 years old?" --Jay Leno "And Ralph Nader, God bless him, still out there campaigning. Ralph Nader said today he has set a record for the most campaign speeches given in one day. He gave 21 speeches in one day. Of course, we have to take his word for it, because of course, there are no witnesses." --Jay Leno "Well, political experts say that John McCain’s only chance of winning the presidential election next week is to attract swing voters. Unfortunately, McCain thinks swing voters are people who listen to Glenn Miller." --Conan O'Brien "John McCain said that Barack Obama is already measuring the drapes in the White House. That's what he said. I understand Sarah Palin is already driving McCain around to look at assisted living facilities." --Jay Leno "But they say that McCain insiders are calling Sarah Palin an out-of-touch diva. They say Palin has a quick temper and ignores her staff. It’s like I have a twin. --David Letterman "The other day, a guy who played a game of basketball against Barack Obama said that Obama spent the whole game trash talking. He also said Obama’s trash talking is 'eloquent, high-minded, and inspirational.'" --Conan O'Brien "With Halloween coming this weekend, they say not one person in the country is planning to dress up as Governor Sarah Palin. You know why? ... The costume costs $150,000." --Jay Leno "But they say Ahmadinejad is exhausted from overwork. And you know, thank God that will never happen to George Bush." --David Letterman "Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate." --Stephen Colbert "The longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, found guilty just a few hours ago on all charges in his corruption trial. Do you know this story? He failed to report he had some work done on his house. Yeah, here's the bad part. You know who did the work? Joe the plumber. Unlicensed." --Jay Leno "By the way, if you want to get Hillary a gift, you can't go wrong with a gift certificate from Bed, Bath and Bitterness." --David Letterman
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Frankenstein was sitting in his cell when suddenly through the wall came the ghost of his monster, with a rope round his neck. Frankenstein said, "Monster, monster, what are you doing here?" The monster said, "Well, boss, they hanged me this morning so now I've come to meet my maker."
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Joe: Why don't you play golf with Bob any more? Mike: Would you play with someone who curses after each shot, cheats in the bunkers and enters false scores on his card? Joe: No! Mike: Neither will Bob
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Carpe Diem -- Seize the DayCarpet Diem -- Seize the carpetCarpayment Diem -- Seize the checkbookCarpe Duh -- Seize an idiotCarp Diem -- Fish of the dayCrampy Diem -- Seize the MidolCarpe Diet -- Seize the rice cakeCarpal Diem -- Seize the knucklesCarpe Dig'Em -- Seize the chips 'n dipCarpe Carp -- Seize the fishCarp Diem -- complain dailyCarpe Per Diem -- seize the checkCarpe Canem -- seize the dogCarpe Devo -- seize the recordCarpe Calypso -- seize the DAY-OSharpei Diem -- sieze the wrinkled dog
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Two cowboys came upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy. "Look," says the first one, "He's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction." Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "About two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, furniture in wagon ..." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color, what's in the wagon -- just amazing!" The Indian looks up and says, "Ugh ... not amazing ... wagon ran ... over me ... 30 minutes ago!"
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The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him. "Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually worse than that. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?" The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."
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It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and walked up to the bar. "What will you have?" the bartender asked. "I'll have a glass of blood," the first replied. "I'll have a glass of blood, too, please," said the second. "I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third. "Okay, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "That'll be two bloods and a blood light?"
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Thank You.....Thank you very much...and have a great night!! If you have any jokes to add, please leave them in the comments or send them to me at danielcarvelkepler@yahoo.com. Now I need to check my Fantasy Football Team line-ups before tonight's game ;)
Good Luck To Us ALL!!!:)
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Hawks BEAT Penn State And Monks FIGHT For Jesus

Well it is another Monday full of happiness and hope, as the University of Iowa Hawkeyes BEAT Penn State on Saturday in the last seconds, with a field goal, finishing the game 24 to 23. I was working at my Art Kiosk between Bennigans, and Chick-fil-A and Target. As the game wound down, a crowd was gathering just outside Bennigans on myside, as people watched the big screen television Bennigans has on their east wall through "their" windows.
There was alot of murmuring and quiet hopes as the Hawkeyes moved down the field and lined up for the field goal. A HUGE cheer went up as the ball went through the uprights, and a great deal of congratulations ran through the hallway, as whoops and hollers continued for a few minutes.
It was an awesome ending and it was a joy to wake up Sunday morning and find out that it was not just a dream!!
Congratulations to the Hawkeyes who participated in this Awesome Win, and Best Of Luck on the upcoming Purdue game, this Saturday!!
There are a few stories of interest this weekend, from the sad news of the deaths of 20 Russian submariners in the accident onboard their new sub, to the moderately amusing story of the fight between the Orthodox Greek monks and the Armenian monks at the Church of The Holy Sepulchre, which is supposedly were Jesus (the Prince of Peace) was killed, buried, and arisen!?! I know violence shouldn't be amusing, but I guess it is the irony of it that got my attention. So here is the "Brawling For Jesus" story at Yahoo News with a link to the full text and photos.
Have a Good Monday!!

Israeli police rushed into one of Christianity's holiest churches Sunday and arrested two clergyman after an argument between monks erupted into a brawl next to the site of Jesus' tomb.

The clash between Armenian and Greek Orthodox monks broke out in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, revered as the site of Jesus' crucifixion, burial and resurrection. The brawling began during a procession of Armenian clergymen commemorating the 4th-century discovery of the cross believed to have been used to crucify Jesus.

The Greeks objected to the march without one of their monks present, fearing that otherwise, the procession would subvert their own claim to the Edicule — the ancient structure built on what is believed to be the tomb of Jesus — and give the Armenians a claim to the site. The Armenians refused, and when they tried to march the Greek Orthodox monks blocked their way, sparking the brawl.

Police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld said police were forced to intervene after fighting was reported. They arrested two monks, one from each side, he said. A bearded Armenian monk in a red-and-pink robe and a black-clad Greek Orthodox monk with a bloody gash on his forehead were both taken away in handcuffs after scuffling with dozens of riot police.

Six Christian sects divide control of the ancient church. They regularly fight over turf and influence, and Israeli police are occasionally forced to intervene.

link to full story

Friday Humor:Lighten Up And Stop Hating Already Edition!!

Well it has been 2 days since the results of the Presidential election have had time to sink in, and Wall Street is handling the news well, with only a small 1,000 point drop, over wednesday and thursday, but is up a little friday.
I heard on the news that guns sales are brisk as people stock up, before President Obama bans all firearms.?.
The hate filled emails are filling the inboxes, and threats/jokes about the new President being assassinated are making workplaces fun again!?!
What the Hell is wrong with this country?
The President doesn't even take the oath of office until January 20th, 2009, and already there is such contempt and hatred, that I worry for this nation!
Let's lighten things up a little bit, and give our New President a chance, before getting all fired up and hateful!! After all the worst thing that could happen is that Obama would end up like the last three utter Presidential failures; George W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, and Ronald Reagan!! I know some fellow "delusional" Republicans cannot understand Ronald Reagan being listed, as they loved him, but he was an evil failure nonetheless, and being loved is no appropriate way to gauge success or failure, as there are people who loved Hitler, and yet he was still an evil failure, just like Reagan( Sorry to Reagan Lovers, But My Hatred Is Very Personal, And Very Deep)!!
Anyway, enough politics for the week!! We can all pray that our Nation will get back on the right track, and one way to do that, is by spending money and reigniting this economy. I have been receiving "tons" of prints for the last week, and have been busy finding room for them, and that is why I have been unable to write for a few days.
The Coral Ridge Mall should be a wonderfully packed "house" with happy shoppers this weekend as Penn State comes to play the Iowa Hawkeyes in football on Saturday. So stop in Friday after work, and spend Saturday and Sunday "buying" Christmas gifts!
The weather is perfect for shopping, and many places are already bringing in special merchandise and having sales!!
Here is some humor that is obviously lacking for alot of disappointed people this week:

Recently, I got to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions. One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?" Our jumpmaster looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."
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A doctor, an engineer, and a lawyer go out hunting in the woods one day. Each of them brings along his hunting dog, and they spend most of the morning arguing about which of the dogs is the smartest. Early in the afternoon, they discover a clearing in the forest. In the middle of the clearing is a large pile of animal bones. Seeing the bones, the doctor turns to the others and says, "I'm going to prove to you two that my dog is the smartest. Watch this!" He then calls his dog over and says, "Bones! See the bones? Go get 'em!" The dog rushes over to the pile, rummages around for a bit, and then proceeds to build a replica of the human skeleton, perfect down to the last detail. The doctor grins smugly; after all, his dog has just built a human skeleton from animal bones. The engineer, however, is totally unimpressed. "That's nothing," he says. "Watch this." He calls his dog over, and points out the pile. "Bones! Get the bones!" The dog rushes over, tears down the skeleton, and in its place builds a perfect replica of the Eiffel Tower. It even has a little French flag waving at the top. The doctor is forced to agree that the engineer's dog is, in fact, smarter than his own. The lawyer, however, is still not impressed. "My dog is smarter," he says. "Watch." He then calls his dog over, points to the pile, and says simply, "Bones." The dog rushes over to the pile, tears down the tower, eats half the bones, buries the other half, and takes the rest of the afternoon off.
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Three friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the business. They ignored her too. So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
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A man sentenced to prison was put in a cell with an older convict who had been there for many years. One day, they were talking about their pasts, and the old man said, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." "What happened?" his new cellmate asked. "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing."
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In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalities and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency and a concatenated consistency. Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement and asinine affectations. Let your extemporaneous descants and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy and vain vapid verbosity. If you are really interested to know, the above means: "Be brief and don’t use big words."
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A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in Peace." The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this...somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"
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A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked "May I help you?" The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those day-vorce's." The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres". The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I got a John Deere." The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit" The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear to the church on Sundays." The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30." Finally the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?" And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."
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Former college basketball coach Abe Lemmons made the following observations concerning the differences between doctors and coaches: - Doctors can bury their mistakes - Coaches still have theirs on scholarships. - Finish last in your league and they call you an idiot - Finish last in medical school and they call you a doctor. - Just once I'd like to see the win-loss records of doctors right out front where people can see them: Won ten, Lost three, Tied two.
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One of the presidential candidates was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the candidate if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word "tragedy." So, the candidate asked the class for an example of a tragedy. One boy stood up and said, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy." "No," said the candidate, "that would be an accident." A girl raised her hand and said, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," the candidate said. "That's what we would call a Great Loss." The room went silent. No other children volunteered. The candidate searched the room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, "If your campaign plane, carrying yourself and your running mate, was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy." "That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" asked the candidate. "Well," Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as heck wouldn’t be a Great Loss..."
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Why engineers don't write recipe books. Chocolate Chip Cookies: Ingredients: 1.) 532.35 cm3 gluten2.) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO33.) 4.9 cm3 refined halite4.) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride5.) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O116.) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O117.) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde8.) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein9.) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao10.) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) Directions: To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction. Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston’s first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
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According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight. The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign. The vibration stopped immediately. A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.
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On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!' The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat. Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, 'I don't belong here; I should be in the third grade!' Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem. The principal and the first grade teacher told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of. The teacher suggested they try some biology questions. 'What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?' asked the teacher. 'Legs!' Larry immediately replied. "What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn't?' asked the teacher. 'Pockets!' said Larry. The teacher looked at the principal, who said, "Maybe he should be in third grade, I missed those last two questions!'
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Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall. One turned to the other and said, "Hello." The other one thought, "I wonder what he meant by that
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A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "Seventy-five cents."
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
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A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head. He orders a drink and the barman asks, "Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?" The man replies, "It’s a long-running family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday." To which the barman remarks, "Then I have some bad news for you - it’s Wednesday." Sheepishly, the man says, "Oh dear, I must look like a real fool!"
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One day the zoo-keeper noticed that "Cheech" the orang-utang was reading two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. Suprised, he asked him, "Why are you reading both those books/' "Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother."
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Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane. She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up. Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she’d be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary. "Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?" The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand." She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?" Again he went through his tables. "Extremely remote," he said. "About one in a billion." Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office. And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.
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A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend pitching woo in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw the spectacle, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the bartender asked. "That dumb Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
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The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol. 1. It’s an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don’t care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable. 15. If something does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten.
And I Believe We Shall End On This VERY Good Idea, Hopefully, This Practice Shall Be Instituted At Your Work Locations Immediately!!;)
Thanks for reading, and If you wish to send any jokes, stories, or hate filled emails, please write me at danielcarvelkepler@yahoo.com, or just leave a comment!!
Good Luck And Take Care!!
In the next few days we shall get on with important stories, like the beginning of the Presidential campaign for 2012!!!!!!!!

Fact Check: The Myths That Wouldn't Go Away

Tomorrow is the "big" day, when half of the country will be elated, and the other half devastated, as the election finally arrives and our 44th President is chosen by "We" the people.
Before that there is still time for many things to occur and perhaps change the outcome. One thing that has not changed is the myths that have refused to die.
The following story is at Yahoo News, by Calvin Woodward, an Associated Press Writer, confronting and correcting the myths on both sides:
Facts have taken a beating in Campaign '08.
Each in his own way, John McCain and Barack Obama have produced enduring myths, amplified by their running mates and supporters. When a non-licensed plumber who owes back taxes and would get a tax cut under Obama is held out by McCain as a stand-in for average working Americans who should vote Republican, you know truth-telling is taking a back seat to myth-making.

McCain has clung tenaciously to many of his distortions throughout the campaign, yielding on a few. Obama has taken a different tack when he is called on his misstatements. Although perhaps too late to really set the record straight, he's edged closer to the facts. You might need a microscope to tell the difference, but slight variations in a pitch or accusation can make all the difference between bogus and real.

Obama saddled McCain with a bum rap when he accused the Republican of wanting a 100-year war in Iraq back in the spring. Finally he relented and said McCain sees U.S. troops being in Iraq for 100 years. That's closer to right — as a peacekeeping force like the one in South Korea. But McCain might be long associated with war without end.

Obama accused McCain of wanting to privatize Social Security, which he doesn't. Now he accuses McCain of wanting to privatize "part" of Social Security, which he does, as one option that younger workers could choose.
link to full story

The Real Salem Witch Trials

This has been a nightmare end of the week, as Internet connectivity problems have battered me for four days. I am hoping that this is something "they" were doing, i.e., some local work, and that is what was causing the loss of signal, but perhaps it is just this computer, as it is getting ancient.

Anyway, here is a little something left over from Halloween, and tomorrow I shall tell you who you must vote for and why;)

The Salem witch trials occurred in colonial Massachusetts between 1692 and 1693. More than 200 people were accused of practicing witchcraft—the Devil's magic—and 20 were executed. Eventually, the colony admitted the trials were a mistake and compensated the families of those convicted. Since then, the story of the trials has become synonymous with paranoia and injustice, and it continues to beguile the popular imagination more than 300 years later.

Salem StrugglingSeveral centuries ago, many practicing Christians, and those of other religions, had a strong belief that the Devil could give certain people known as witches the power to harm others in return for their loyalty. A "witchcraft craze" rippled through Europe from the 1300s to the end of the 1600s. Hundreds of thousands of supposed witches—mostly women—were executed. Though the Salem trials came on just as the European craze was winding down, local circumstances explain their onset.

In 1689, English rulers William and Mary started a war with France in the American colonies. Known as King William's War to colonists, it ravaged regions of upstate New York, Nova Scotia and Quebec, sending refugees into the county of Essex and, specifically, Salem Village in the Massachusetts Bay Colony. (Salem Village is present-day Danvers, Massachusetts; colonial Salem Town became what's now Salem.) The displaced people created a strain on Salem's resources. This aggravated the existing rivalry between families with ties to the wealth of the port of Salem and those who still depended on agriculture. Controversy also brewed over Reverend Samuel Parris, who became Salem Village's first ordained minister in 1689, and was disliked because of his rigid ways and greedy nature. The Puritan villagers believed all the quarreling was the work of the Devil.
link to full story