Monday, September 29, 2008

House Defeats $700B Financial Markets Bailout


UPDATE ON BAILOUT

The House on Monday defeated a $700 billion emergency rescue for the nation's financial system, ignoring urgent warnings from President Bush and congressional leaders of both parties that the economy could nosedive into recession without it.

Stocks plummeted on Wall Street even before the 228-205 vote to reject the bill was announced on the House floor.

Ample no votes came from both the Democratic and Republican sides of the aisle. More than two-thirds of Republicans and 40 percent of Democrats opposed the bill.
link to the full story

Post Debate Polls Show Obama's Lead Growing


I was just reading a story concerning last weeks Presidential debate at Yahoo News, and
found this analysis of poll data at Politico:

Two days after a presidential debate many commentators scored as a tie, it's beginning
to look like the public saw things differently, as several polls show a small but significant
post-debate boost for Barack Obama.


A USA Today/Gallup poll released Sunday showed 46 percent of debate-watchers believed
Obama outperformed John McCain, while.just 34 percent said McCain got the better of the
exchange. Thirty percent of debate-watchers said they had a more favorable opinion of
Obama following the debate, compared with just 14 percent who said their opinion of him
had worsened. Respondents whose opinion of McCain changed as a result of the debate were
evenly split, as 21 percent said their view of McCain had improved because of it and 21 percent
said it had worsened.


The poll surveyed 701 adults who watched Friday's debate, and all interviews were conducted
on Saturday.


Obama's numbers have ticked up nationally since the debate, the first of three scheduled this
year, along with next Thursday's vice-presidential face-off In the Sunday update to Gallup's daily
tracking poll, Obama widened his lead over McCain to 50-42 percent. Friday, in polling that
preceded the debate, Obama had a five-point, 49-44 percent advantage.
link to full story

Bailout Winners And Losers


Well it looks like our Representatives in Washington D.C. are refusing to represent us, as the "Bailout For Wall Street Babies" is being voted on today in the House of Un-Representatives, which high expectations of passing. The Senate will make it a "done" deal on Tuesday or Wednesday, and "To Hell With The American People" Bush will sign it right after, and will guarantee himself a huge "golden" parachute once he leaves office, and can start collecting "speaking" fees from all the "monied" people he saved.

Whether you or for or against this bailout, you should let your Congressmen and Senators know, so that they can understand that this may be their last term in office if they go against our wishes. According to the polls a vast majority of the American people oppose this bailout, and elected officials should fear losing their jobs as they take this vote.

The story at Yahoo News by Tom Raum, an Associated Press writer breaks down the "winners" and "losers" in this bailout:
The proposal to bail out U.S. financial markets to the tune of up to $700 billion creates a lot of potential short-term winners, as well as some losers. Wall Street and the banking industry are perhaps the biggest winners. Scores of banks and other financial institutions faced with going under stand to gain a lifeline that should allow them to start making loans again. Under the plan that congressional aide sought to put into final form Sunday, the Treasury Department can start buying up troubled mortgage-related securities now held by these institutions.

These securities are clogging balance sheets, leaving banks without the required capital to make new loans and putting the banks dangerously close to insolvency. Banks not only have slowed lending to individuals and businesses, they have stopped making loans to each other. The rescue plan should help restore confidence to financial markets. There are other winners, too, if the bailout works as intended: anyone soon trying to borrow money -- for cars, student loans, even to open new credit card accounts.

Top executives at troubled financial institutions, on the other hand, are in the losing column because the proposal would limit their compensation and rules out "golden parachutes." Of course, these executives may take solace in knowing their jobs still exist. Investors, including the millions of people who hold stock in their 401(k) and pension plans, should benefit. Failure to reach a deal over the weekend could have sent stock markets around the world tumbling on Monday.
link to the full story

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Legendary Actor Paul Newman Dies At 83


Another legend of the silver screen has died as this story at Yahoo News reports

Paul Newman, the Academy-Award winning superstar who personified cool as the anti-hero of such films as "Hud," "Cool Hand Luke" and "The Color of Money" — and as an activist, race car driver and popcorn impresario — has died. He was 83. Newman died Friday after a long battle with cancer at his farmhouse near Westport, publicist Jeff Sanderson said. He was surrounded by his family and close friends.

In May, Newman had dropped plans to direct a fall production of "Of Mice and Men," citing unspecified health issues.

He got his start in theater and on television during the 1950s, and went on to become one of the world's most enduring and popular film stars, a legend held in awe by his peers. He was nominated for Oscars 10 times, winning one regular award and two honorary ones, and had major roles in more than 50 motion pictures, including "Exodus," "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid," "The Verdict," "The Sting" and "Absence of Malice."

Newman worked with some of the greatest directors of the past half century, from Alfred Hitchcock and John Huston to Robert Altman, Martin Scorsese and the Coen brothers. His co-stars included Elizabeth Taylor, Lauren Bacall, Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks and, most famously, Robert Redford, his sidekick in "Butch Cassidy" and "The Sting."

He sometimes teamed with his wife and fellow Oscar winner, Joanne Woodward, with whom he had one of Hollywood's rare long-term marriages. "I have steak at home, why go out for hamburger?" Newman told Playboy magazine when asked if he was tempted to stray. They wed in 1958, around the same time they both appeared in "The Long Hot Summer," and Newman directed her in several films, including "Rachel, Rachel" and "The Glass Menagerie."

With his strong, classically handsome face and piercing blue eyes, Newman was a heartthrob just as likely to play against his looks, becoming a favorite with critics for his convincing portrayals of rebels, tough guys and losers. "I was always a character actor," he once said. "I just looked like Little Red Riding Hood."

Newman had a soft spot for underdogs in real life, giving tens of millions to charities through his food company and setting up camps for severely ill children. Passionately opposed to the Vietnam War, and in favor of civil rights, he was so famously liberal that he ended up on President Nixon's "enemies list," one of the actor's proudest achievements, he liked to say.

A screen legend by his mid-40s, he waited a long time for his first competitive Oscar, winning in 1987 for "The Color of Money," a reprise of the role of pool shark "Fast" Eddie Felson, whom Newman portrayed in the 1961 film "The Hustler." Newman delivered a magnetic performance in "The Hustler," playing a smooth-talking, whiskey-chugging pool shark who takes on Minnesota Fats — played by Jackie Gleason — and becomes entangled with a gambler played by George C. Scott. In the sequel — directed by Scorsese — "Fast Eddie" is no longer the high-stakes hustler he once was, but rather an aging liquor salesman who takes a young pool player (Cruise) under his wing before making a comeback.

link to full story

Friday, September 26, 2008

McCain Will Use Jet To Fly To The Debate!


"Here I am to Save The Day" ~~
"Mighty McCain is on his way"~~
"Oh Never Mind"!!
Hilarious!!
This has absolutely been high drama theater at its' very worst this week, as Senator McCain suspended his campaign to rush back to Washington to "Save The Day" on a Wall Street bailout scam, only to find out the American people don't want it "saved", and with less than 10 hours to go, he changed his mind, and now IS going to debate Senator Obama tonight.
I have been LMAO as I have watched this mess unfold and the way these idiots in Washington scramble to rearrange the deck chairs on the S.S. America(Titanic), after we have hit the iceberg, the lower decks flooded, and the ship is about to slide under the waves.
Admit it is too late, and let's get on with the Depression!!
A quick aside: Attention Politicians of all stripes~~we now know that this fiasco which began under De-Regulation Reagan, was continued under Bush the Elder, Clinton the Centrist, Bush the Junior-though he actually did try to reign in this situation on two occasions, but didn't push it, Barney Frank, Charles Rangle, Chris Dodd, Dennis Hastert, Harry (Reid, Pelosi, and pretty much every other Democrat, and Republican representative, who wanted their constituents to have easy credit and easy money, who are responsible. You Are ALL Responsible!!
We should clean everyone out of office who "has" experience, and turn this nation back to citizen politicians, who go to Washington, and then return to their home to their "real" jobs. As Lord Acton said "All Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely", and that is the core problem of all nations, and America is no exception, as we are learning all too well!! Hang on as We may have to break out the torches and beat our plowshares back into swords before this is over!!

Anyway the flip-flop story of the day is at Yahoo News as Senator McCain changes his mind on the debate:
Republican John McCain agreed to attend the first presidential debate Friday night even though Congress doesn't have a bailout deal, reversing an earlier decision to delay the event until Washington had taken action to address the crisis.

With less than 10 hours until the debate was scheduled to start, the McCain campaign announced that the Arizona senator would travel to the University of Mississippi. The campaign said that afterward McCain would fly back to Washington to continue working on the financial crisis. Obama had always planned to attend the debate and was onboard his plane preparing to take off when McCain's announcement was made.

The McCain campaign's statement said he was optimistic that there has been progress toward a bipartisan agreement. But earlier in the week, McCain said he would delay the debate "until we have taken action to address this crisis." He is optimistic that there has been significant progress toward a bipartisan agreement now that there is a framework for all parties to be represented in negotiations," the McCain campaign said in a statement.

It was a different position than McCain had taken Wednesday, when he announced, "I'm directing my campaign to work with the Obama campaign and the Commission on Presidential Debates to delay Friday night's debate until we have taken action to address this crisis."
link to full story

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Day AFTER Hump Day Humor September 25th Edition


It is the day AFTER Hump Day, and I hope everything is going well for you. I see that the fools in Washington are still trying to work out a deal to give our money away, and I hope we get in on the deal. I have lost quite a bit of money in my retirement fund (Powerball tickets) this last year, and I am hoping that they'll include me in the bailout to cover my losses!! ;)
Anyway, I was going to do a bunch of jokes on lobbyist's, but the few I could find were pretty lame, just like a lobbyist, so here are some silly ones instead, that have nothing to do with lobbyist's. I hope you enjoy them, and if you do have a "funny" lobbyist joke, please share it with us!! :)

The Clown's Dog
The Clown noticed that his dog had become lethargic, lazy, and fat. Being a considerate pet owner, the clown took his beloved pet to the veterinarian. After some initial confusion about whether the veterinarian ate meat, the clown described his problem to the doctor.

The veterinarian explained that there was nothing seriously wrong with the clown’s pet dog, and that it simply needed some exercise. “You need to make sure this dog runs around,” the doctor said. “Try playing a game of fetch with him.”

This news saddened the clown immensely. “I can’t play fetch with my dog!” said the clown, holding back tears.

“Why not?” asked the doctor.

The clown replied, “Don’t be silly! He can’t throw!”
--------------
Counting Sheep
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

"Have you tried counting sheep?"

"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
---------------
Camel Question's
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?"

The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand".

"OK" said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?"

"They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert", "Thanks Mom" replies the son.

After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??"

The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods."

"That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water.

But Mom", "Yes son?"

"Why the heck are we in the San Diego Zoo?"
---------------
Blonde Horses Around
There once was this blonde riding a horse. After a while it began to speed up. She was hanging on by the tail and cut her forehead open.

After a long struggle, she was able to climb back onto the horse. She then fell off the side and got her foot caught. The horse was now dragging her.

She finally got back on the horse with a broken ankle, bruises all over, and she was bleeding from three different spots. Finally, the horse came to a complete stop.

Thank goodness that the manager of the K-mart came out and shut the machine off.
--------------
Dr. Seuss, Tech Writer
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report...

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless and your system's going to crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM...
Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom.
---------------
Dealing With Death
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing.

"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"

"Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?"

"Opened a can of peas instead."
--------------
The Lawyer's Dog And The Butcher
A lawyer’s dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer’s office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?"

The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50.

Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $50 due for a consultation.
--------------
Army Of the Lord
Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

Jack replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

Jack whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
-------------
Our Town Is So Small...
- Our city limits signs are both on the same post!

- The City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell

- The McDonalds only has one Golden Arch

- The 7-11 is a 3 1/2 - 5 1/2

- The one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both directions

- The phone book has only one page

- There's nothing doing every minute

- The ZIP code was a fraction

- Second Street is in the next town over

- There's no place to go that you shouldn't

- A "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes

- The mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog

- The New Year's baby was born in October
-------------
Rottweiler And The IRS
Question: What is the difference between an overzealous IRS agent and a Rottweiler?

Answer: The Rottweiler will let go, eventually.
-------------
No Smoking And Drinking
A Grandmother was talking to her young grandson, trying to explain the dangers of smoking. “Now Johnny,” she said, “you have to promise Grandma that, once you’re a grown man, you will never smoke, and never drink.”

“Never, Grandma?” asked little Johnny.

“Never, boy, not even once,” replied the grandmother.

With his eyes wide as saucers, Johnny asked “But won’t I get thirsty?”
-------------
Make Me One With Everything
A Buddhist monk, visiting New York City for the first time in twenty years, walked up to a hot dog vendor, handed him a twenty dollar bill, and said, “Make me one with everything.”

The vendor pocketed the money, and handed the Buddhist monk his hot dog. The monk, after waiting for a moment, asked for his change. The vendor looked at him and said, “Change comes from within.” With a wistful smile, the monk walked away.
--------------
Phrases Of Wisdom
- Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

- Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

- No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

- A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

- Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

- Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

- Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

- Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
-------------
20th Anniversary
Two older gentleman were talking and one said to the other, "You're having an anniversary soon, right?" The other replied,

"Yup, a big one... 20 years."

"Wow," said the other, "what are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?"

The other replied, "We're going on a trip to Australia."

"Wow, Australia, that's some gift!" said the other man. "That's going to be hard to beat. What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary?"

"Go back and get her."
-------------
Overly Suspicious
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she charged.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
---------------
Buying A Machine Factory
An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.

"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."

"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.

When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"

"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"
---------------

Have an Awesome Day After Hump Day As The Clowns In Washington Give Our Money Away!! ;)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

North Korea Orders UN Nuclear Inspectors Out


Will we be bombing North Korea before Iran? With the move by North Korea to restart their nuclear reactor, there probably is at least a possibility that we will destroy the plant before nuclear fuel is added to prevent the release of radiation after an attack, which must be in somebody's playbook on how to handle this situation. As far as I can tell it is probably the case that North Korea never intended to "forever" end its' nuclear program, but the Bush administration didn't help any by refusing to take them off the state sponsors of terrorism list last summer as promised, so blame can be laid at both countries doorsteps. Now real serious negotiations need to ensue to stop the start up of the reactor, and they should start today!!

The story at Yahoo News by George Jahn, an Associated Press writer is:
North Korea barred U.N. nuclear inspectors from its main nuclear reactor on Wednesday and within a week plans to reactivate the plant that once provided the plutonium for its atomic test explosion, the chief U.N. nuclear inspector said.

The North ordered the removal of the U.N. seals and surveillance equipment from the Yongbyon reactor, a sign it is making good on threats to restart a nuclear program that allowed it to conduct a test explosion two years ago. But the North's moves could be motivated by strategy as well. It could use the year it would take to restart the North's sole reprocessing plant to wrest further concessions from the U.S. and other nations seeking to strip it of its atomic program.

Coming amid reports that that leader Kim Jong Il suffered a stroke, the nuclear reversal has fueled worries about a breakdown of international attempts to coax the North out of its confrontational isolation with most of the rest of the world. North Korea officials have "informed the IAEA inspectors that they plan to introduce nuclear material to the reprocessing plant in one week's time," said a statement citing Mohamed ElBaradei, the chief of the International Atomic Energy Agency.

The statement said he told the the IAEA board that — acting on a North Korean request — his inspectors removed all agency seals and surveillance equipment from the reprocessing plant and its immediate area, in "work that was completed today." ElBaradei also said the North Koreans barred the IAEA inspectors from further access to the plant. North Korea in recent days had already signaled it would break out of a six-nation disarmament-for-aid deal, announcing that it was making "thorough preparations" to start up Yongbyon.

"We believe that for the North Koreans to do so, it would only deepen its isolation," Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Wednesday. U.S. diplomats are talking this week with other nations bargaining with the North during this week's gathering of the United Nations General Assembly. Rice sees her Russian counterpart later Wednesday. "Everyone knows what the path ahead is. The path ahead is for there to be agreement on verification protocol so that we can continue along the path of denuclearization of the Korean peninsula. The North Koreans know that and so we'll continue working with our partners on what steps we might need to take," she said. And in Seoul, Foreign Ministry spokesman Moon Tae-young expressed deep concern. But the comments were measured, reflecting fears that harsh condemnation would backfire by accelerating the North's move to restore its nuclear capacities.

The agency has been monitoring the nuclear facilities at Yongbyon, which were shut down and then sealed as part of a North Korean pledge to disable its nuclear program. That move was meant to be a step toward eventually dismantling Yongbyon in return for diplomatic concessions and energy aid equivalent to 1 million tons of oil under a February 2007 deal with South Korea, the U.S., China, Russia and Japan. The accord hit a snag in mid-August when the U.S. refused to remove North Korea from its list of states that sponsor terrorism until the North accepts a plan to verify a declaration of its nuclear programs that it submitted earlier. The Yongbyon plant was under IAEA seals in December 2002 when the North decided to order IAEA inspectors out of the country and to restart its nuclear activities, after the unraveling of a deal committing the U.S. to help the country build a peaceful nuclear program.

North Korea subsequently quit the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty in January 2003 and announced it had nuclear weapons a little more than two years later. A U.N. official who demanded anonymity for divulging confidential information said Wednesday that other nuclear sites in North Korea remained under IAEA purview. She also said agency seals remained on the spent fuel rods that were removed from Yongbyon under the terms of the deal.

The fuel rods are key to producing the plutonium the North would need to restart its weapons program by separating the fissile substance out of the material released once the rods are dissolved within the reactor. The U.N. official said the three-member IAEA team was expecting that the North Koreans would also soon ask the team to remove the seals from the thousands of fuel rods in storage. More than 60 percent of those rods had already been removed under the six-nation deal. North Korea had agreed in February 2007 to begin dismantling its nuclear program in exchange for aid and other concessions.

Scientists began disabling its reactor in November, and in June blew up the Yongbyon cooling tower in a dramatic show of its commitment to the pact. Eight of the 11 steps needed to disable the reactor were completed by July, North Korean officials said. But later that month, Washington made an additional request: detailed verification of the process, including soil samples and interviews with scientists. The U.S. pinned one of its concessions — removing North Korea from its list of nations that sponsor terrorism — on verification. North Korea rejected the demand, saying verification was never part of the deal, and threatened to pull out of the pact, if Washington continued pressing for verification.

A North Korean envoy confirmed on Friday that authorities had stopped disabling Yongbyon and intended to restart the facility. Experts say it would take about a year to restart the Yongbyon facilities after completely disabling it. Scientists reportedly have tested the reactor's ignition, and this week asked the IAEA to remove its seals.

Well have a Good Hump Day, as we have one more thing to worry about this week!! We will update this story as needed!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

MILLIONS AT RISK OF FORECLOSURE FRAUD


Good Monday Morning! There are serious problems in our economy that need to be addressed, besides the bail-out of the "babies" on Wall Street. I was just reading a story that all homeowners who are facing late payments or even foreclosure should read. I rent currently, but hope to own a home someday, and I feel some empathy for many average people who are in trouble financially, and who often get taken advantage of by people "offering" to help them with their financial situation, and end up making things worse!
The story below was at Red Tape Chronicles-MSNBC by Bob Sullivan and is about foreclosure fraud being perpetrated all over the nation by slick scam artists:
Angela Carter's family has lived for 46 years in the same small two-story home in Chicago, perhaps a 15-minute ride from Barack Obama's adopted Hyde Park neighborhood. But today a piece of paper says someone else owns the property, and a judge will soon decide if Carter and her mom get to stay in her home. The reason Carter, 55, is facing eviction, she says, is that she fell for a high-stakes scam that’s sweeping the nation, preying on the 1 in 11 consumers who are either behind on their mortgage payments or already in foreclosure. Interviews with legal aid offices and law enforcement officials around the nation indicate the problem of so-called “foreclosure rescue scams” has spread like wildfire, neatly paralleling the downturn in the mortgage market.

The problem is so bad that in Portland, Ore., local police now automatically send a letter to homeowners who enter foreclosure warning them that they will be inundated with shady offers of help. In one case in Maryland, a single firm is accused of bilking hundreds of residents out of their homes and stealing $60 million in equity. Similar large-scale scams are happening elsewhere; in fact, foreclosure fraud is so common that it's exacerbating the nationwide housing slump, adding to the ranks of distressed homes that pull down the housing market in general, according to some experts. There are many variations on the scams, but they all boil down to two types. There’s a simple fee-based racket, in which the criminal offers to help the homeowner stave off foreclosure, collects an up-front fee and then disappears. But the more lucrative scheme involves seducing homeowners into complicated transactions that allow the middlemen to steal equity in the house or walk away from the closing table after netting thousands in phony payouts.

How serious is the problem? The proliferation of roadside signs with entreaties like “We buy houses” and late night infomercials promising easy real estate riches offers a clue. "There is a booming business in selling information on foreclosures,” said Melissa Huelsman, a Seattle-based lawyer who represents victims in predatory lending cases. “There are whole companies that do that and little else. That gives you an idea how big this is.”

Carter -- who might lose her Chicago home -- said she was hit by the worst kind of rescue scam, with her suitor managing to drain nearly $100,000 in equity from her home before she knew what had happened. She said that she fell behind in her mortgage four years ago after losing her job as a clerk for a company that publishes local "yellow pages." As the bank closed in, a company named Second Chance Program offered to help Carter save her home.

Here is Carter’s version of events: After signing a flurry of paperwork, she signed title of the house over to Second Chance, selling her house for $140,000 with the understanding that she would pay the firm rent and could repurchase the house a year later for $180,000. But almost immediately after signing the deal, Carter said, Second Chance took out a second loan on the property based on her untapped equity and pocketed close to $100,000 -- a common scheme called "equity skimming." “I had no idea what the building was worth,” she said. “And I had no idea they were buying my house. All along I thought they were giving me a loan.”
Two years later, Second Chance sent Carter an eviction notice. With the help of Chicago's nonprofit Home Ownership Preservation Project, she was able to temporarily block the eviction. Now, the two parties are fighting in state court about who holds the rights to the home. Earlier this month, Carter spent a week in court pleading her case. Now she faces a long wait to find out if she'll get to keep her house and what will happen to the $100,000 in equity her family earned from living there for nearly five decades.
"I have no idea how it's going to turn out," she said. "It's like living with a question mark over your head.”
Carter faces a formidable legal opponent. Second Chance is owned by J.T. Foxx, a self-proclaimed real estate investment guru whose motto is "Get Rich or Die Broke." Foxx hosted a Chicago radio talk show every weekend where he offered investment advice.
Foxx did not reply to messages left with his attorney, Bill Sullivan. An operator who answered the phone at Second Chance’s offices said, “They (Second Chance) aren’t with us anymore.” E-mails sent to the address at Foxx’s Web site were undeliverable.
Dan Lindsey, who represents Carter, said the rapid rise and fall of the housing market created an ideal situation for con artists.
“These people are the perfect target for equity strippers,” he said. “It was a niche market that exploded. It seemed everybody was getting into it. Entire companies were formed to do it.”

link to full story

Sunday, September 21, 2008

The House That Ruth Built Closes Tonight


It Is Football Sunday, and my five fantasy teams are playing, but it is also the last game at historic Yankee Stadium. If you read me often you know that I am a Yankees fan, more out of necessity than desire, as I really pay very little attention to baseball, as Football has replaced it as America's pasttime for me and many others.
I grew up in Estherville, in Northwest Iowa, near Lake Okoboji (one of three blue water lakes in the world), and most people are Minnesota Twins and Vikings fans due to the closeness. I have been a non-follower kind of guy for as long as I can remember, and so I picked teams who were hated by the majority of my friends, family, and co-workers.
Anyway, I ended up supporting the New York Yankees (Not an Official World Series If the Yankees are not in it), and The Dallas Cowboys (America's Team), and enjoyed rubbing it in when they were winning, and made excuses for them when they were losing, or getting arrested as America's Team did for awhile.
So today marks the end of an era of such baseball history that it will long be remembered and talked about by Yankee and non-Yankee baseballs fans

I found this next story at Yahoo Sports News by Brett Houston STATS Writer, reporting on what have been some of the greatest moments in Yankee Stadium:

For a stadium richer than any other in baseball history - and perhaps American sports lore - it doesn’t seem appropriate that the final game at Yankee Stadium will be played on a late summer night.
But with no more Fall Classics to be played inside the hallowed walls of the Bronx landmark, the New York Yankees will have to settle for a shot at a sweep.
On the day its postseason hopes could officially come to an end, New York will try to close the final chapter in Yankee Stadium on Sunday night by completing a three-game sweep of the Baltimore Orioles.
Babe Ruth hit a home run in the first game at Yankee Stadium, a 4-1 Yankees win over Boston on April 18, 1923, and over the next 85 years “The House that Ruth Built” has been more than just a ballpark - its been an iconic America landmark.
It’s been the site of NFL championship games, heavyweight boxing matches and Knute Rockne’s 1928 speech urging Notre Dame to “win one for the Gipper.” There were soccer games with Pele and the New York Cosmos, papal masses, a Nelson Mandela rally and sold-out rock concerts.
More than anything though, the park has been the home to some of baseball’s biggest moments. Yankee Stadium has hosted 100 World Series games - including nine of New York’s 26 championship clinchers - 11 no-hitters, three of baseball’s 17 perfect games, Roger Maris’ 61st home run, Lou Gehrig’s “luckiest man on the face of the earth” speech and countless other legendary memories between the lines.
“I believe it’s the most important sports venue in the whole world. I don’t think there’s any sports venue that has more history than Yankee Stadium,” said former New York Mayor and renowned Yankee fan Rudy Giuliani.
The new Yankee Stadium, a $1.3 billion facility rising across the street, is set to open next spring. On Sunday, the Yankees will offer ticketholders one last chance to pay homage to the venerable shrine.
Gates will open seven hours before the first pitch, and fans will be permitted to walk on the field before a pregame ceremony honoring the stadium’s rich history. Yogi Berra, Whitey Ford, Goose Gossage and Bernie Williams are among the former stars scheduled to participate in the festivities.
“You get a feeling it’s baseball when you walk into this place,” said Paul O’Neill, who won four World Series titles with New York and now works for the team as a broadcaster. “You can go to brand-new ballparks that have every amenity in the world, but you don’t get that feeling and the smell that you get in this place of baseball.”
The Yankees (84-71) have made 13 consecutive appearances in the postseason, one shy of the major league record set by Atlanta from 1991-2005. But sitting 6 1/2 games behind Boston in the AL wild-card race, it doesn’t look like New York will tie the record and extend the life of Yankee Stadium beyond Sunday night.
If the Red Sox win in Toronto Sunday afternoon, a Yankees loss would officially eliminate them from postseason contention.
Even though New York likely won’t be involved in the playoffs, for the finale it’ll hand the ball to a pitcher who has plenty of experience pitching in big games. Andy Pettitte (13-14, 4.57 ERA) played a major role on all four Yankees World Series winners from 1996-2000 and was the 2001 ALCS MVP, but he feels this start is nearly as significant.
“It’s going to be right there, it really is,” Pettitte said Saturday. “The Yankees wanting me to pitch that last game, that means an awful lot to me. I’m just extremely excited to be able to do it and it’s just going to be a special night for me.”
Pettitte, though, hasn’t been pitching well over the last two months. The left-hander is 1-7 with a 6.45 ERA in his last 10 starts, and has lost five consecutive outings for the first time in his career.
He gave up four runs and six hits over six innings on Tuesday in a 6-2 loss to the Chicago White Sox.
Despite his recent struggles, manager Joe Girardi expects Pettitte to be revved up for his final start at Yankee Stadium, where he’s 114-56 in his career.
“You’ll see that look in his eyes and I think you’ll see that fierce competitor,” Girardi said.
Pettitte has every reason to be confident against the Orioles (67-86). He’s 24-6 with a 3.73 ERA in his career against Baltimore, including 2-0 with a 1.32 ERA this season.
The Yankees have waited too long for it to make a difference in the standings, but they’re playing well entering the final week of the season. They’ve won seven of eight in their final homestand, including a pair of one-run wins against the Orioles.
Saturday’s game was scoreless until the ninth. Derek Jeter was hit in the hand by a pitch to start the bottom of the inning, and though he had to leave the game, pinch- runner Brett Gardner eventually scored the game’s only run, coming around on a two-out Robinson Cano single.
X-rays on Jeter, who recently passed Gehrig for the most career hits at Yankee Stadium (now 1,275), were negative, and he expects to play in Sunday’s finale.
“I don’t need to ask,” Girardi said. “It’s not broken. It’s sore.”
The Orioles have lost four in a row and have the second-worst record in the AL primarily due to their dreadful pitching staff, which has a 6.45 ERA - the worst in baseball - since Aug. 17.
The last time Chris Waters took the mound, though, was a major success. The 28-year-old rookie tossed a complete game on Tuesday at Toronto, giving up just four hits in a 2-0 win.
“He had very good tempo,” manager Dave Trembley said. “He looked like he was in complete control from the first pitch of the game to the end.”
Much significance has been given to the final home run at Yankee Stadium - an honor that would belong to Cano if none were hit in the finale - and Waters has only allowed one in his previous four starts. Mariano Rivera has given up four in 67 1-3 innings this season, and Girardi would like to get his star closer, who has saved 230 games in the Bronx, one last shot on Sunday.
“I think Mo deserves to be on the mound in the last inning,” Girardi said.
The last nine teams to close their home stadium have lost since Detroit won its finale at Tiger Stadium in 1999.
Many fans are expressing their Great Thanks for the incredible players and memories over the years tonight as "The House That Ruth Built" takes its' final bow!!

Are you Ready For Some Football, Dallas Cowboys at the Green Bay Packers tonight~~GO COWBOYS!!!!!! ;)

Friday, September 19, 2008

Doomsday Postponed 2 Months Or More


The sun may be shining, but it is a dim Saturday, as we awoke to find that the bail-out for the babies on Wall Street has jumped from $500 billion to $700 billion overnight, and is probably headed to a Trillion dollars before the week is out, and now there is a story that "Doomsday" is postponed for up to 2 months!
After replacing the transformer on a section of the CERN (Large Hadron Collider), it was discovered that there was more damage that first thought! Damn, why can't anything go right, a meltdown on Wall Street, and now no "black holes" to end this planet for months!
The way things are going we are going to find out that the "surge" did not work as we thought in Iraq, and in fact it was the vicious ethnic cleansing that had occurred leading up to the surge which caused the drastic reduction in violence!?!
What else can go wrong~~O.J. being found not guilty, Bill Maher saying something good about America, the average wage earner getting a break! No it is inconceivable that any of those things will happen!!

Anyway the sad story in the delay of world annihilation is at Yahoo News, by Alexander G. Higgins, an Associated Press Writer :

The world's largest atom smasher — which was launched with great fanfare earlier this month — has been damaged worse than previously thought and will be out of commission for at least two months, its operators said Saturday.

Experts have gone into 17-mile (27-kilometer) circular tunnel housing the Large Hadron Collider under the Swiss-French border to examine the damage that halted operations about 36 hours after its Sept. 10 startup, said James Gillies, spokesman for CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research. "It's too early to say precisely what happened, but it seems to be a faulty electrical connection between two magnets that stopped superconducting, melted and led to a mechanical failure and let the helium out," Gillies told The Associated Press. Gillies said the sector that was damaged will have to be warmed up well above the absolute zero temperature used for operations so that repairs can be made — a time-consuming process.

"A number of magnets raised their temperature by around 100 degrees," Gillies said. "We have now to warm up the whole sector in a controlled manner before we can actually go in and repair it."

The $10 billion particle collider, in the design and construction stages for more than two decades, is the world's largest atom smasher. It fires beams of protons from the nuclei of atoms around the tunnels at nearly the speed of light. It then causes the protons to collide, revealing how the tiniest particles were first created after the "big bang," which many theorize was the massive explosion that formed the stars, planets and everything. Gillies said such failures occur frequently in particle accelerators, but it was made more complicated in this case because the Large Hadron Collider operates at near absolute zero, colder than outer space, for maximum efficiency.

"When they happen in our other accelerators, it's a matter of a couple of days to fix them," Gillies said. "But because this is a superconducting machine and you've got long warmup and cool-down periods, it means we're going to be off for a couple of months." He said it would take "several weeks minimum" to warm up the sector. "Then we can fix it," Gillies said. "Then we cool it down again."

CERN announced Thursday that it had shut down the collider a week ago after a successful startup that had beams of protons circling in both clockwise and counterclockwise directions in the collider. It was at first thought the failure of an electrical transformer that handles part of the cooling was the problem, CERN said. That transformer was replaced last weekend and the machine was lowered back to operating temperature to prepare for a resumption of operations.

But then more inspections were needed and it was determined that the problem was worse than initially thought, said Gillies. The CERN experiments with the particle collider hope to reveal more about "dark matter," antimatter and possibly hidden dimensions of space and time. They could also find evidence of a hypothetical particle — the Higgs boson — which is sometimes called the "God particle" because it is believed to give mass to all other particles, and thus to matter that makes up the universe.

Smaller colliders have been used for decades to study the makeup of the atom. Scientists once thought protons and neutrons were the smallest components of an atom's nucleus, but experiments have shown that protons and neutrons are made of quarks and gluons and that there are other forces and particles.
The LHC provides much greater power than earlier colliders.
Its start came over the objections of some who feared the collision of protons could eventually imperil the Earth by creating micro black holes — subatomic versions of collapsed stars whose gravity is so strong they can suck in planets and other stars.

Come on God, give us a break, we really cannot handle anymore "bad" news this week!! ;)

Taxpayers To Get Screwed AGAIN As Bush Administration Wants Hundreds Of Billions And New Powers ASAP To Attack Financial Crisis


Is there anyone else out there who could care less about bailing out these financial institutions than me. Why is it that people who make the most in this nation get helped the most, and to hell with the rest of us. We were impacted immensely by the floods in June and July, when sales were down 80% from last year, and no one offered to help us out. I don't really care if the markets melt down completely as they put themselves in this position and Uncle Sucker (we the people) are going to get stuck with the bill AGAIN!! A little Depression may hurt now, but may shake things up enough to fix them later on. Hell, why are we bailing out these gamblers, why aren't we bailing out people who go to Vegas and lose their life savings, the risk isn't much worse than what Wall Street has been doing. The speculators drove the oil craziness, and now we find they were driving the financials as well, and at the very least the people responsible for the collapse need to see prison time and a lot of it, and the forfeiture of their million dollar severance packages!! And do I care if we don't help and people start jumping out of buildings~~~No and good riddance to them if they do jump!! WE are again going to be on the hook for billions, and many of us struggle to pay for basic necessities, while these institutions built lavish buildings, and paid themselves outrageous sums of money, and loaned money to people who had no way of paying it back~~it just pisses me off!! This is a rant so if my facts are a little off I don't care~~I want people fired, prosecuted, maybe even "executed", so this doesn't happen again!! You know that there has already been a "hint" of more bailouts to come as the auto industry, airlines, etc., are also struggling, and it won't be long before they want a handout/bailout too!!
If you are as mad as I am, please contact your representatives and let them know your anger, and demand accountability!!

The stupid bailout story is at Yahoo News:
The Bush administration sketched out a multi-faceted effort on Friday to confront the worst U.S. financial crisis in decades, outlining a program that could cost taxpayers hundreds of billions of dollars to buy up bad mortgages and other toxic debt that has unhinged Wall Street.

President Bush, flanked by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, acknowledged that the program will put a "significant amount of taxpayers' money on the line."

The administration is asking Congress to give it sweeping new powers to execute the plan. Paulson said it "needs to be big enough to make a real difference and get to the heart of the problem."

Paulson gave few details but said he would work through the weekend with leaders of Congress from both parties to flesh out the program, the biggest proposed government intervention in financial markets since the Great Depression. Members of the Senate Banking Committee said they had yet to receive details of the proposal, but were ready to move quickly when they do.

The government's steps were welcomed by financial markets. As Paulson spoke, the Dow Jones industrials were up over 300 points and at one point had soared by 450 points. Global stock markets rose, too.
link to full story

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Hump Day Humor September 17th: Economics Edition


The economy seems to be getting a tad bit more attention lately, so this weeks
Hump Day Humor will be the Economics Edition, and most of the jokes should relate
to it!
Thanks, Have A Great Hump Day and tomorrow is my last day off for while, as my
employee Dave Norcross, took a position with the Coral Ridge Mall Skating Rink as
the Assistant Manager. It is a full-time position with benefits, and I Congratulate
Dave for getting a "cool"(no pun intended) new job!! So if you get a chance stop by
and tell him Hi and Congratulations, as he is a Great Guy and an Awesome Worker!!

Thanks for selling from day one (nobody else had done that), and the best of luck
in your future!!
P.S. It is Beautiful weather outside, and it is relatively quiet at the Mall, so this is
your chance to shop without bumping elbows. You can take your time, buy alot,
have a nice lunch, buy some more, and not feel hassled in the least by crowds~~
I am telling you this is the day to stop by and start your Christmas shopping!!
Thanks and Take Care!!

On to the Jokes:

There is an old joke among economists that states:
A recession is when your neighbor loses his job.
A depression is when you lose your job.
--------------------------------------------
Humor is evolving, now we have a refinement:
"Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying the opposite thing" is true, but is not strong enough. Better:
"Economics is the only field in which two people can share a Nobel Prize for saying opposing things." Specifically, Myrdal and Hayek shared one.
Roberto Alazar
(A rumor has it that there was a similar case in neuroscience, Golgi and Cajal, maybe economists are not so different!)
--------------------------------------------
Heard at the Wharton School.
Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet. "973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an economist for a government think tank," says the shepherd. "Amazing!" responds the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."
--------------------------------------------
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
-------------------------------------------
TOP 10 REASONS TO STUDY ECONOMICS
1. Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands."
2. Economists can supply it on demand.
3. You can talk about money without every having to make any.
4. You get to say "trickle down" with a straight face.
5. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out.
6. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
7. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
8. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.
9. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.
10. When you call 1-900-LUV-ECON and get Kandi Keynes, you will have something to talk about.
---------------------------------------------------------------
ECONOMISTS do it at bliss point
ECONOMISTS do it cyclically
ECONOMISTS do it in an Edgeworth Box
ECONOMISTS do it on demand
ECONOMISTS do it risk-free (in reference to the risk-free interest rate)
ECONOMISTS do it with a dual
ECONOMISTS do it with an atomistic competitor
ECONOMISTS do it with crystal balls
ECONOMISTS do it with interest
---------------------------------------------------------------
"Economists do it with models"
Heard at the LSE.
-----------------------------------
Econometricians do it if they can identify it.
Applied econometricians do it even if they can't.
----------------------------------------
Economists do it with Slutsky matrices.
---------------------------------------
Economists do it discretely AND continuously.
--------------------------------------
Economists do it on Leontief's table.
Heard at the Bocconi university in Milan.
--------------------------------------
"Econometricians do it with dummies"?
--------------------------------------
Morry Adelman at MIT claims that he heard this at Shell long ago:
"A planner is a gentle man,
with neither sword nor pistol.
He walks along most daintily,
because his balls are crystal."
--------------------------------------
An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
--------------------------------------
Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
--------------------------------------
Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
--------------------------------------
A true story:
"I heard this from one of my professors. To protect him, no names will be revealed. This professor was about to get married. He went to the jewelers to get a wedding ring for his fiancee. The jeweler told him that he can have the inside of the ring engraved with the name of his fiancee for an additional $20 (remember, this was a LONG time ago). He said, "But that will reduce the resale value!" The jeweler was aghast. He said, "How can you say such a thing. You are a butcher!" "No," replied the professor, "I am an economist"."
---------------------------------------
An economic forecaster was known to have an horseshoe prominently displayed above the door frame of his office. Asked what it was for, he replied that it was a good luck charm that helped his forecasts. But do you believe in that superstition? he was asked, and he said, "Of course not!" But then why do you keep it? "Well," he said, "it works whether you believe in it or not."
The story is actually told about a non-economist, Danish Nobel prize winner Niels Bohr.
Since the publication of the joke I've been told that Bohr actually said that *he had been told* that it works whether...
----------------------------------------
Kenneth Boulding said, "Mathematics brought rigor to Economics. Unfortunately, it also brought mortis."
----------------------------------------
Economist related joke: Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
---------------------------------------
There is one joke opportunity in Robert Kuttner, The Poverty of Economics, The Atlantic Monthly, Feb 1985, p. 79, which says: "George Stigler Nobel laureate and a leader of Chicago School was asked why there were no Nobel Prizes awarded in the other social sciences, sociology, psychology, history, etc. "Don't worry", Stigler said, "they have already have a Nobel Prize in ...Literature"
---------------------------------------
An economist was standing at the shore of a large lake, surf-casting. It was the middle of winter, and the lake was completely frozen over, but this didn't seem to bother the economist, who stood there patiently casting his lure out across the ice, slowly reeling it in again, then repeating the process.
A mathematical economist came sailing by on an ice boat, and pulled to the shore beside the surf-fishing economist to scoff. "You'll never catch any fish that way," said the mathematical economist. "Jump on my ice-boat and we'll go trawling."
---------------------------------------
A mathematician, a theoretical economist and an econometrician are asked to find a black cat (who doesn't really exist) in a closed room with the lights off:
- The mathematician gets crazy trying to find a black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room and ends up in a psychiatric hospital.
- The theoretical economist is unable to catch the black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room, but exits the room proudly proclaiming that he can construct a model to describe all his movements with extreme accuracy.
- The econometrician walks securely into the darkened room, spend one hour looking for the black cat that doesn't exist and shouts from inside the room that he has it catched by the neck."
---------------------------------
True story. I'm riding up the elevator at the Boston ASSA meetings a few years back. In the car with me is a woman who works in the hotel. I ask her if economists are really as dull a bunch as they're made out to be. She responds that she used to be stationed at the NYC branch of the chain when the meetings were held there and that even the hookers had taken the week off.
--------------------------------------
Practice economy at any cost.
--------------------------------------
from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams, Chapter 16.
Arthur awoke to the sound of argument and went to the bridge. Ford was waving his arms about. "You're crazy Zaphod," he was saying, "Magrathea is a myth a fairy story, it's what parents tell their kids about at night if they want them to grow up to be economists, it's..."
---------------------------------
from the preface to Paul Krugman's book, "Peddling Prosperity: Economic Sense and Nonsense in the Age of Diminished Expectations" (1994, page xi): An Indian-born economist once explained his personal theory of reincarnation to his graduate economics class. "If you are a good economist, a virtuous economist," he said, "you are reborn as a physicist. But if you are an evil, wicked economist, you are reborn as a sociologist."
---------------------------------------
When two economists are out for a stroll together, how do you identify the Uof C economist? He's the one walking randomly.
---------------------------------------
Heard at the workshop of evolutionary economists at IIASA:
Q: How has French revolution affected world economic growth?
A: Too early to say.
----------------------------------
True story: I was standing with Ken Arrow by a bank of elevators on the ground floor of William James Hall at Harvard. Three elevators passed us on our way to the basement. I foolishly said "I wonder why everybody in the basement wants to go upstairs." He responded, almost instantly: "You're confusing supply with demand."
Curt Monash
---------------------------------------
Economist poem
If you do some acrobatics
with a little mathematics
it will take you far along.
If your idea's not defensible
don't make it comprehensible
or folks will find you out,
and your work will draw attention
if you only fail to mention
what the whole thing is about.
Your must talk of GNP
and of elasticity
of rates of substitution
and undeterminate solution
and oligonopopsony.
Kenneth E. BOULDING
------------------------------------------
Q. What do economists and computers have in common ??
A. You need to punch information into both of them.
------------------------------------------
Q. Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea ??
A. If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.
-----------------------------------
Two economists were walking down the street when they noticed two women yelling across the street at each other from their apartment windows.
Of course they will never come to agreement, stated the first economist.
And why is that, inquired his companion,
Why, of course, because they are arguing from different premises.
---------------------------------------
AND FINALLY
Here's couple of more general jokes.
A civil engineer, a chemist and an economist are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. "I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn," the innkeeper says. The civil engineer volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed. In a short time they're awakened by a knock. It's the engineer, who says, "There's a cow in that barn. I'm a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal." The chemist says that, OK, he'll sleep in the barn. The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock. It's the chemist who says, "There's a pig in that barn. I'm Jewish, and cannot sleep next to an unclean animal." So the economist is sent to the barn. It's getting late, the others are very tired and soon fall asleep. But they're awakened by an even louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: It's the cow and the pig!
Three economists and three mathematicians were going for a trip by train. Before the journey, the mathematicians bought 3 tickets but economists only bought one. The mathematicians were glad their stupid colleagues were going to pay a fine. However, when the conductor was approaching their compartment, all three economists went to the nearest toilet. The conductor, noticing that somebody was in the toilet, knocked on the door. In reply he saw a hand with one ticket. He checked it and the economists saved 2/3 of the ticket price.
The next day, the mathematicians decided to use the same strategy- they bought only one ticket, but economists did not buy tickets at all! When the mathematicians saw the conductor, they hid in the toilet, and when they heard knocking they handed in the ticket. They did not get it back.
Why? The economists took it and went to the other toilet.
A party of economists was climbing in the Alps . After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun.
Finally he said, ' OK see that big mountain over there?'
'Yes', answered the others eagerly.
'Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it.'
-----------------------------------------
Okay one more
Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck?
He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool.
-----------------------------------------

REALLY THE LAST ONE
NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT
Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
-----------------------------------------
HAPPY HUMP DAY~~Don't forget to stop by the Bank and get a little "survival" cash for your mattress!!!!
The "Fundamentals of our economy are sound"!! No Really they are~~~Stop Laughing~~~I'm Serious!! ;)

Daniel :)

McCain And Obama's Campaign Promises Imperiled By Wall Street Rescue


After hearing about the AIG rescue on the overnight news, I saw this next story at Yahoo News written by Matthew Benjamin, which indicates that for all of campaign promises being made, that the reality of what can be done, may be quite different. The "fundamentals of our economy might be sound"???, but you better tuck a little cash under the mattress just in case!!

Here is the story:
The casualties of continuing tumult on Wall Street will include campaign promises of the next U.S. president, whether it's John McCain or Barack Obama.

The federal government has committed hundreds of billions of dollars this year to stimulate the economy, rescue failing Bear Stearns Cos. and American International Group Inc., and take over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. It may extend hundreds of billions more to buy distressed mortgage debt, prop up Detroit automakers and stave off recession.

Those expenses, on top of a 2009 budget deficit projected to approach $500 billion, will make it hard for Obama to find money for universal health care, clean energy and early education, or for McCain to enact $3.3 trillion in promised tax cuts over eight years.

``It's going to be a very hostile environment for major new initiatives,'' said Robert Bixby, executive director of the Concord Coalition, a non-partisan budget watchdog group. Paying for financial-industry rescue measures will be the next president's top task, he says, ``rather than some exciting new agenda, like health care for all or taxes for none.''

Last night, the Federal Reserve said the government would lend as much as $85 billion to AIG in exchange for a 79.9 percent stake in the biggest U.S. insurer by assets.
Government Rescues
Over a 24-hour period last weekend, two of Wall Street's largest investment banks disappeared, dragged down by bad bets on sketchy mortgages. Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. filed the biggest bankruptcy in U.S. history and Merrill Lynch & Co., to avoid the same fate, agreed to a hurried acquisition by Bank of America Corp.

Earlier this year, the Fed put up $29 billion to facilitate JPMorgan Chase & Co.'s takeover of Bear Stearns, and the Treasury Department took control of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, which could cost taxpayers $100 billion each. Lawmakers are considering a $25 billion loan to U.S. automakers, and U.S. House Democrats want a second economic stimulus package of $50 billion for roads, bridges and infrastructure projects. House Financial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank said Sept. 15 that turmoil in financial markets will likely force Congress and the administration to consider creating an agency to buy distressed assets from financial institutions.

Getting Expensive
``This is starting to get expensive,'' said Andrew Laperriere, managing director in Washington for International Strategy & Investment Group. Deficits in 2009 and 2010 may be ``a lot higher than people anticipate,'' he said.
New York University economist Nouriel Roubini last month predicted that hundreds of U.S. banks will fail, culminating in almost $2 trillion in credit losses.
Besides budget constraints, the crisis will keep the next president from focusing on other issues early in his tenure, when political capital is abundant and the next elections are distant, said Howard Gleckman, a senior researcher at the Tax Policy Center in Washington.

``The first 100 days is an opportunity for a president to set priorities,'' Gleckman said. ``If it turns out he's going spend them digging out from under a financial crisis that he's left with, all the other things he wanted to do get left by the wayside.''
Obama has proposed $80 billion a year in middle-class tax cuts, $18 billion a year on education programs, $15 billion annually for clean-energy investments, and $100 billion for universal health care.

Trillions of Debt
The combination of spending and tax cuts would add $3.4 trillion to the national debt by 2018, according to the Tax Policy Center. Obama's campaign says the costs will be offset by spending cuts and new revenue, and won't be shelved because of Wall Street's woes.

``The economic problems we are facing today make his entire fiscally responsible, pro-growth agenda even more critical,'' said Jason Furman, Obama's top economic adviser.
McCain's proposals would add even more new debt, $5 trillion over 10 years, the Tax Policy Center says. McCain plans to extend tax cuts passed in 2001 and 2003, cut corporate tax rates, phase out the alternative minimum tax, and double the exemption for dependents.
``The first job of the next president is to create jobs, protect people's savings, and not bail out CEOs,'' said McCain senior adviser Mark Salter. ``You don't do that by raising taxes. You do that by cutting taxes.''

Social Security
McCain also says he wants to partially privatize Social Security, long a goal of the Republican Party. Record-setting deficits will make it hard to absorb initial costs of privatization and, after the downfall of Bear Stearns, Lehman and Merrill Lynch, voters will be reluctant to take retirement money out of Social Security and entrust it to private investment accounts.
Wall Street's problems are also likely to slow the economy and shrink tax receipts, potentially adding to deficits that tighten credit for companies and consumers, economists say.
``Revenues certainly drop considerably if the economy falls into recession,'' said Jim Horney, an analyst at the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities in Washington. Government spending on programs like Medicaid increases when the economy slows.
Some budget analysts say the presidential candidates' promises are already budget-busters with doubtful prospects regardless of the cost of rescuing Wall Street.
``Both of these guys have campaign promises that cost so much more than they've got that a few more billion isn't really going to make any real difference,'' Gleckman said.
To contact the reporter on this story: Matthew Benjamin in Washington at mbenjamin2@bloomberg.net .
This should frighten all of us. I shall be back with a Hump Day Humor post to lighten things up a little as "the sky is falling"!! ;)

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Pakistan Is The Problem And Barack Obama Seems To Be The Only Candidate Willing To Face It.


I was reading a story earlier concerning Pakistan's government giving its' military permission to fire upon U.S. troops, if we cross their border again. It led me to a post by Christopher Hitchens at Slate magazine, and his view that Barack Obama has said the correct things in regard to Pakistan being the problem in not "getting" bin-Laden, the Taliban, al-Qaeda, et al. I have not read anything by Mr. Hitchens in years, I am not completely sure if he has written this as a positive "backing" of Obama, or just as a tag to attach to Obama if he wins the Presidency. Nevertheless, how ever it was meant it is an interesting post and I hope you will take the time to read it in its' entirety. It begins below and can be finished by following the link to Slate.

Pakistan Is the Problem And Barack Obama seems to be the only candidate willing to face it.
By Christopher Hitchens
Posted at Slate Monday, Sept. 15, 2008

An excellent article by Fraser Nelson in London's Spectator at the end of July put it as succinctly as I have seen it:
At a recent dinner party in the British embassy in Kabul, one of the guests referred to "the Afghan-Pakistan war." The rest of the table fell silent. This is the truth that dare not speak its name. Even mentioning it in private in the Afghan capital's green zone is enough to solicit murmurs of disapproval. Few want to accept that the war is widening; that it now involves Pakistan, a country with an unstable government and nuclear weapons.

"Don't mention the war," as Basil insists with mounting hysteria in Fawlty Towers. And, when discussing the deepening crisis in Afghanistan, most people seem deliberately to avoid such telling phrases as "Pakistani aggression" or—more accurate still—"Pakistani colonialism." The truth is that the Taliban, and its al-Qaida guests, were originally imposed on Afghanistan from without as a projection of Pakistani state power. (Along with Pakistan, only Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates ever recognized the Taliban as the legal government in Kabul.) Important circles in Pakistan have never given up the aspiration to run Afghanistan as a client or dependent or proxy state, and this colonial mindset is especially well-entrenched among senior army officers and in the Inter-Services Intelligence agency, or ISI.
We were all warned of this many years ago. When the Clinton administration sent cruise missiles into Afghanistan in reprisal for the attacks on our embassies in East Africa, the missiles missed Osama Bin Ladin but did, if you remember, manage to kill two officers of the ISI. It wasn't asked loudly enough: What were these men doing in an al-Qaida camp in the first place? In those years, as in earlier ones, almost no tough questions were asked of Pakistan. Successive U.S. administrations used to keep certifying to Congress that Pakistan was not exploiting U.S. aid (and U.S. indulgence over the anti-Soviet war in Afghanistan) to build itself a nuclear weapons capacity. Indeed, it wasn't until after Sept. 11, 2001, that we allowed ourselves to learn that at least two of Pakistan's top nuclear scientists—Mirza Yusuf Baig and Chaudhry Abdul Majid—had been taken in for "questioning" about their close links to the Taliban. But then, in those days, we were too incurious to take note of the fact that Pakistan's chief nuclear operative, A.Q. Khan, had opened a private-enterprise "Nukes 'R' Us" market and was selling his apocalyptic wares to regimes as disparate as Libya and North Korea, sometimes using Pakistani air force planes to make the deliveries.

link to full story

Monday, September 15, 2008

Opening Statements In O.J.'s Trial :)


"O.J FOUND GUILTY"~~Oh shoot we have to go through the whole silly trial, so that we can see that headline!
It is a happy day, as the opening statements are presented in O.J. Simpsons Robbery/Kidnapping trial. I am hoping that this is just window dressing and the guilty verdict is already a fait accompli, so he can quickly be sent to prison, where fellow inmates can exact the proper punishment for the murder of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman, of which he was found not guilty, due to jury bias.
It will be an absolute joy to update this story as often as necessary until he is found quilty and sentenced. Seriously, this trial should have never taken place, as O.J. should have been waterboarded until he confessed and then thrown in prison forever~~just my humble opinion. In case you haven't noticed, I do not believe in the "innocent until proven guilty" justice system that we have, as lawyers have perverted the "seeking the truth" aspect into a game of winning and losing, and unfortunately money really does "buy" justice, which is another reason I have no respect for our system.
If a person is guilty, they should just go in to court, say they are guilty, take responsibility, and accept their punishment, and then go on to lead a better life, once they have served their time. It is good for the conscience and the soul!
Anyway the story at Yahoo News states:
A prosecutor told jurors Monday they will learn "the true face" of O.J. Simpson during the former football star's trial on charges of robbing sports memorabilia dealers in a Las Vegas hotel room.

Prosecutor Chris Owens began his opening statement by playing an audio recording of the confrontation and pointed out one voice barking commands: "Don't let nobody outta here ... stand the (expletive) up before it gets ugly in here."

Simpson, who flashed a thumbs-up sign when he arrived at court, sat impassively while Owens described the rest of the recording.

"The audio will show threats, it will show force, it will show demands and it will show the taking of property from the victims in this case," Owens said. "In our presentation of the evidence we are going to spend the next few days finding which may be the true face of ... Simpson, not necessarily the one he tries to put out to the world," Owens said.

link to full story

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Patriotic Quotes From Around The World


With the election rapidly approaching, I have watched all sides argue over whether or not their opponents are more or less patriotic than themselves, and it got me thinking about patriotism, what it is, and how it is viewed around the world.

Patriotism is a feeling of love and devotion to one's own homeland (patria, the land of one's fathers). This post surveys the concept of patriotism from the viewpoints of history, politics, ethics, and biology. It may also be defined as the love of country and willingness to sacrifice for it; "they rode the same wave of popular patriotism"; "British nationalism was in the air and patriotic sentiments ran high". In simple words it means ­ to show love, support, and sacrifice for one's country.
The Passion Quotes describe the nature of the people actually. These quotes describe what it needs to be a soldier, a true patriot and a good citizen of a country. These sayings are the famous beliefs of the eminent freedom fighters of any nation and their love and dedication for their country.

Here are some quotes concerning patriotism from people great and small in our past. I hope you enjoy them and please feel free to add others if you have one or more that you like. Thanks to patriotic quotes, best quotes, wikipedia, et al which have an abundance of quotes, and from which this small compilation was put together.

Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.
Bertrand Russell
"My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, "My mother, drunk or sober."
G. K. Chesterton
You'll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of the human race.
George Bernard Shaw
Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.
George Jean Nathan
Don't be a fool and die for your country. Let the other sonofabitch die for his.
George S. Patton
It is not unseemly for a man to die fighting in defense of his country.
Homer
Our obligations to our country never cease but with our lives.
John Adams
And so, my fellow americans: ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.
John F. Kennedy
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.
George Bernard Shaw
The single best augury is to fight for one's country.
Homer
How beautiful is death, when earn'd by virtue!
Who would not be that youth? What pity is it
That we can die but once to serve our country!
Joseph Addison
You're not to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who does it or says it.
Malcolm X
I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.
Nathan Hale
When a whole nation is roaring Patriotism at the top of its voice, I am fain to explore the cleanness of its hands and purity of its heart.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
Samuel Johnson
When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home.
Sir Winston Churchill
The flag is the embodiment, not of sentiment, but of history.
Woodrow Wilson
I have ten thousand for defense, but none to surrender; if you want our weapons come and get them.
Author Unknown
We join ourselves to no party that does not carry the flag and I keep step to the music of the Union.
Rufus Choate
Be Briton still to Britain true, Among oursel's united; For never but by British hands Maun British wrangs be righted.
Robert Burns
The die was now cast; I had passed the Rubicon. Swim or sink, live or die, survive or perish with my country was my unalterable determination.
John Quincy Adams
Who would not be that youth? What pity is it That we can die but once to save our country!
Joseph Addison
Our ships were British oak, And hearts of oak our men.
Samuel James Arnold
Our country, however bounded.
Author Unknown
From distant climes, o'er wide-spread seas we come, Though not with much eclat or beat of drum; True patriots all; for be it understood We left our country for our country's good. No private views disgraced our generous zeal, What urged our travels was our country's weal.
George Barrington
The unbought grace of life, the cheap defence of nations, the nurse of manly sentiment and heroic enterprise, is gone!
Edmund Burke
Our country is the common parent of all.
Cicero
For what were all these country patriots born? To hunt, and vote, and raise the price of corn?
Lord Byron
Again to the battle, Achaians! Our hearts bid the tyrants defiance! Our land, the first garden of liberty's tree-- It has been, and shall yet be, the land of the free.
Thomas Campbell
Our country is wherever we are well off.
Cicero
I realize that patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred toward any one.
Edith Louisa Cavell
A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.
Juvenal
Our land, the first garden of liberty's tree-- It has been, and shall be, the land of the free.
Thomas Campbell
"My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, "My mother, drunk or sober."
Gilbert Keith Chesterton
I have heard something said about allegiance to the South: I know no South, no North, no East, no West, to which I owe any allegiance.
Henry Clay
The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.
Abraham Lincoln
I hope to find my country in the right: however I will stand by her, right or wrong.
John Jordan Crittenden
And for our country 'tis a bliss to die.
Homer
Liberty, equality, fraternity.
Motto
There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured with what is right in America.
Henry Clay
'Twere sweet to sink in death for Truth and Freedom! Yes, who would hesitate, for who could bear The living degradation we may know If we do dread death for a sacred cause?
Terence Joseph McSwiney
Is it an offence, is it a mistake, is it a crime to take a hopeful view of the prospects of your own country? Why should it be? Why should patriotism and pessimism be identical? Hope is the mainspring of patriotism.
David Lloyd George
Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
Samuel Johnson
And how can man die better Than facing fearful odds, For the ashes of his fathers And the temples of his gods?
Thomas Babington Macaulay
Our country! In her intercourse with foreign nations, may she always be in the right; but our country, right or wrong.
Stephen Decatur
Who fears to speak of Ninety-Eight? Who blushes at the name? When cowards mock the patriot's fate, Who hangs his head for shame?
Homer

Our federal Union: it must be preserved.
Andrew Jackson
Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism - how passionately I hate them!
Stephen Decatur
I wish I was in de land ob cotton, Ole times dar am not forgotten, Look-a-way! Look-a-way! Look-a-way, Dixie Land! . . . . Den I wish I was in Dixie, Hooray! Hooray! In Dixie Land I'll take my stand To lib and die in Dixie.
Daniel Decatur Emmett
'Twas for the good of my country that I should be abroad. Anything for the good of one's country--I'm a Roman for that.
George Farquhar
Father of his country.
Juvenal
And bold and hard adventures t' undertake, Leaving his country for his country's sake.
Charles Fitzgeffrey
Our country is the world--our countrymen are all mankind.
William Lloyd Garrison
Such is the patriot's boast, where'er we roam, His first best country ever is at home.
Oliver Goldsmith
Strike--for your altars and your fires; Strike--for the green graves of your sires. God--and your native land!
Fitz-Greene Halleck
And have they fixed the where, and when? And shall Trelawny die? Here's thirty thousand Cornish men Will know the reason why!
Robert Stephen Hawker
He serves his party best who serves the country best.
Rutherford Birchard Hayes
We, that would be known The father of our people, in our study, And vigilance for their safety, must not change Their ploughshares into swords, and force them from The secure shade of their own vines, to be Scorched with the flames of war.
Philip Massinger
I am not a Virginian but an American.
Patrick Henry
There are many different voice and languages; but there is but one voice of the peoples when you are declared to be the true "Father of your country."
Marcus Valerius Martial
Our spirit is . . . to show ourselves eager to work for, and if need be, to die for the Irish Republic. Facing our enemy we must declare an attitude simply. . . . We ask for no mercy and we will make no compromise.
Terence Joseph McSwiney
Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.
Juvenal (originally John F. Kennedy spoke these words)
I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!
Patrick Henry
One flag, one land, one heart, one hand, One Nation evermore! - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.,
Oliver Wendell Holmes
He serves me most who serves his country best.
Homer
That man is little to be envied, whose patriotism would not gain force upon the plain of Marathon, or whose piety would not grow warmer among the runs of Iona.
Samuel Johnson

Have A Great Football (America's game) Sunday!!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Hump Day Humor September 10th Evening Edition


I am unable to report the happy news of an O.J. conviction, as they seem bound and determined to give him a trial before finding him guilty. I really do not understand what is up with that, but nevertheless, I thought I would post this edition of Hump Day Humor to tide us over as we wait for his conviction announcement. Hell, our luck will be that it will drag on and on, instead of them just waterboarding him to confess, and then throwing him in prison~~our justice system sucks! Why can't we just accept an accusation of O.J. for anything as proof of his guilt, and be done with him. I had a few friends remind me that in our system, you are innocent until proven guilty~~Whatever, blah, blah, blah, "only if you are rich or famous", and he used to be famous, so he gets justice, that is just wrong ?!

Anyway, I hope you will find these jokes amusing, either this evening or when you see them Thursday morning. If I have enough time, I may do a second edition for Thursday, as it is my only day off and I am exhausted. I worked Tuesday, then drove a friend to Spencer, Iowa to meet her parents from Fargo, and spend the week with them at the Clay County Fair (largest county fair in the world), so 6 hours there, 6 hours back by 3 a.m., in bed by 4a.m. and up at 7 a.m. for another open to close. So bed is calling and tomorrow shall be "a day of rest" if no emergencies arise.

Take Care and Happy Hump Night!! :)

Blind Golfers
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

========================
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.

Haiku Computer Messages

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
===============
Habit
I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump.

Recently, after I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room.

The ER nurse asked for my height and weight, and I responded in a serious tone, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."

While the nurse pondered this information, my mother leaned over to me and said, "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."
===============
Customer Service
My Aunt passed away this past January. Her bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, but had now grown to somewhere around $60.00.

I placed the following phone call to the bank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."

Bank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

Bank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau...maybe both!"

Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

Bank:"Do I think God... excuse me, what did you say?"

Me: "Do you understand what I was telling you... specifically the part about her being... dead?"

Bank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"

(Supervisor gets on the phone)

Me: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

Bank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"

Me: "No, I'm her great nephew, but feel free to contact her lawyer at: XXX"

Bank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Me: "Sure."

( Later, After they have gotten the fax. )

Bank: "Our system just isn't set up to handle this..."

Me: "Oh..."

Bank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."

Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her... I suppose...don't really think she will care...."

Bank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."

Me: "Would you like her new billing address?"

Bank: "That might help."

Me: "Fredrickson Memorial Cemetery, Hwy 19 and plot number 233."

Bank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Me: "Yes sir, that's what we do with our departed loved ones."
===============
The Barber
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded, dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are rude, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."

"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel - it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke to me."

"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"

"He said, 'Where'd you get the lousy haircut?'"
================
Doorbell
A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

The boy replies, "Now we run!"
================
The Calf
A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four year old son standing at the fence, soaking in the whole event.

The man thought to himself, "Great. He's four and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad.

"How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
==================
The Gas Men
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.

At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
==================
The Quips are a few weeks old but still amusing:
Quips From Late Night
"Yesterday, President Bush announced there are going to be some big changes in intelligence in the White House. Yeah, he's leaving." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, Bill Clinton was giving a speech, he told a group of supporters that his wife Hillary is the person he most wants to spend time with. Yeah, apparently Clinton likes to start every speech with a joke, sort of loosen things up a little bit, get people happy, relaxed." --Conan O'Brien

"But I think the U.S. is going to do well, particularly in swimming, I think we have a very strong swimming time this year for the Olympics, yeah, that's right. Dick Cheney in particular looks great in the freestyle waterboarding." --David Letterman

"Well listen, Barack Obama accused Republicans of trying to make others fear him, because, and I quote, he 'doesn't look like the other presidents on the dollar bill.' So the choice is, do you want to elect a guy who doesn't look like the president on the dollar bill, or do you want to elect a guy who looks older than the president on the dollar bill?" --Jay Leno

"John McCain's daughter announced she's writing a children's book based on her father's life. I think that's very nice, yeah. The children's book is called 'James and the Giant Prostate.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Yeah that's the big talk, they say Barack Obama could decide to go with another woman. See that's what killed John Edwards' chances of being VP, he decided to go with another woman." --Jay Leno
================
Windsor Castle
Windsor castle, outside of London, is directly in the flight path of Heathrow International Airport. While a group of tourist was standing outside the castle admiring the elegant structure, a plane flew overhead at a relatively low altitude making a tremendous amount of noise.

One particularly annoyed tourist whined, "Why did they build the castle so close to the airport?"
===============
Three Doctors Hunting
Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.

The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.

A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."
===============
Simple Questions, Complicated Answers
Why is abbreviated such a long word?
Why does monosyllabic have five syllables?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Why do they call it a building? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a built?
Why is it when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If price and worth mean the same thing, why priceless and worthless are opposites?
Is there another word for synonym?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
==============
Most Wanted
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to the local police station, where they saw pictures of the 10 Most Wanted men tacked to a bulletin board.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."

So Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
===============
Bad ATM Messages
- You go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing out a receipt the screen says: "Not worth wasting paper", and ejects your card. You try to get a balance inquiry, and the screen says: "Account not found." and keeps your card.

- You insert your card, and try to get some cash, and the ATM laughs and spits out your shredded card.

- You withdraw some money to pay some bills, count it, and the screen says: "What, you thought there was some EXTRA there? HA!", and ejects your card clear across the room.

- You think you've got $100 in your account and go to take out $50, and the screen says: "Not in this lifetime." and laughs as you bang on the machine, trying desperately to get your card back that the machine has taken.

- You go to the ATM, and there's a picture of you a-la-"Most Wanted" staring forlornly at the ATM camera with a caption that reads: "Wanted for trying to get water from a dry well."
================
Sunday School
Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

"Well, mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

"When he got to the Red Sea he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and saved the Israelites."

"Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

"Well, no, mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it."
=================
Fastest Father
Three boys were bragging about their fathers.

The first one said, "My father runs so fast he can fire an arrow, start running, and get there before the arrow!"

The second one said, "That's nothing! My father can shoot a gun, start running, and get there before the bullet!"

The third boy just smiled. "That's nothing. My father is a civil servant. He gets off work at 5 and is home before 4!"
++++++++++

Take Care
AND
Good Night!! ;)