Friday Funnies August 8th Edition

We didn't do a Hump Day Humor post this week, so I thought a Friday Funnies post was needed to offset the Big News of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, and the Russian battle with Georgia, which seems to be escalating, as I write this "humor" post. Have a Great Friday!! :)

Drunk Driving Stories
Three blokes are driving around, drinking beers and having a laugh when the driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car telling him to pull over. The other two are really worried. "What are we going to do with our beers? We're in trouble!"

"No," the driver says, "it's OK, just pull the label off your bottle and stick them on your foreheads, and the bloke pulls over.

The police officer then walks up and says, "You lads were swerving all around the road back there. Have you been drinking?"

"Oh, no, officer," says the driver, pointing to his forehead, "We're trying to give up, so we're on the patch."
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Doctor, Doctor
"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."

"And did he?"

"Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
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Here Come Da Judge
What do you call a judge with no thumbs?

Justice Fingers.
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Who's a Fault?
What do you call an earthquake fault?

A topographical error.
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Free Space
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"

Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
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The Small Town Witness
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
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The Fire Dog
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog.

The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"
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Two Wishes
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"

"I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.

The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer,"

The ostrich says "I'll have the same."

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender.

"Well, it's close to last orders, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man.

"Same for me" says the ostrich.

"That will be $7.20" says the bartender.

Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

"That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs."
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The Voice
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the heck were you when I got married?"
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A Plausible Explanation
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he said, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"

God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."

So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?"

"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."

"Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?"

"I did that Adam so that you could love her."

"Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"

"Well, Adam no. I did that so that she could love you."
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Ten Years Without Parole
A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.

Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.

Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell.

His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for-nothing bum! Where the heck have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago."
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Lessons in Life
DAD - Son, come in here, we need to talk.

SON - What's up, Dad?

DAD - There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?

SON - I don't believe; if I understand the definition of "scratch the car"; that I can say, truthfully,that I scratched the car.

DAD - Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?

SON - Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.

DAD - But your sister has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?

SON - Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did "I" scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.

DAD - Are you trying to tell me you didn't drive the car into the mailbox?

SON - Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.

DAD - So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?

SON - No sir, that's not my statement. I'll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.

DAD - But the car did hit the mailbox, and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?

SON - Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.

DAD - So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?

SON - No. No, that's not correct. Your question was "Did I scratch the car?" From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car... the mailbox did... I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of "No" when you asked "Did I scratch the car" was legally correct, although I did not volunteer information.

DAD - Where in the heck did you learn to be such a liar?

SON - From The President of the United States.
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Value Added Chicken
Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Anderson Consulting: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
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Driving Offense
The Policeman couldn't believe his eyes as he saw the woman drive past him, busily knitting. Quickly he pulled along the vehicle, wound down his window and shouted "Pull over!"

"No" she replied, "they're socks!"
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You Know You've Booked a Cheap Flight When?
As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is frowning and wearing an "I'm with Stupid" T-Shirt.

The Captain announces over the intercom the Flight is delayed while he looks for his keys.

The Airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be pointing and laughing an awful lot, and drinking something from inside brown paper bags.

The Ground Crew are seen using pennies to check tyre wear

A man with an oily rag hanging from the back pocket of his dirty coveralls, and sadly shaking his head, turns out to be the airline's C.E.O.

A voice on P.A. system warns you to keep your heads and arms inside the aircraft at all times, while the plane is in motion.

Jumper Cables are dangling from the door to the cockpit.

A man in clerical garb walks thru the plane, sprinkles all the passengers with water, mumbling something in Latin & exits.

A telephone with a really long cord connects the plane to the control tower.
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Golf Nut
A couple met at Hilton Head and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue the relationship after their vacations were over. "It's only fair to warn you, Jody," Bill said, "I'm a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep and breathe golf."

"Well, since you're being honest, so will I." Jody said. "I'm a hooker."

"I see." he said. Then, brightening, he smiled. "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."
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Sleeping Rough
A police chief, a fire chief and a city manager were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse.

The farmer welcomed them in but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn.

Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief.

A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman's worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn.

This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door. When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.
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Presidential Accident
One day the president was out jogging and accidentally fell from a ridge into a very cold river. Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.

After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll give it to you."

The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!"

"I'll personally hand it to you," said Mr. President.

"I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said.

"I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said the grateful president.

"And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the third boy.

"I'll personally ... wait a second, son, you're not handicapped!"

"No -- but I will be when my dad finds out I saved you from drowning."
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Truth in Youth
A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The copper said, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Beer and football!"
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Getting Used to It
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.

He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
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Football Try-Outs
The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"

The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "If I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
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Psychology
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.

The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"
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Microsoft Cafe
Customer: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Customer: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Customer: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Customer: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Customer: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?

Customer: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Customer: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Customer: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Customer: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Customer: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now.

[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Customer: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Customer: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything. [Waiter leaves.]

Customer: Waiter! Now there's a mosquito in my soup!

The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $ 5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . $ 2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10.00
Editors Note: Bug in the soup........included at no extra charge (will be fixed with Tomorrow's soup of the day)
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Birth Control Pills
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"

The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."

The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night."
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Thanks and Take Care!!

Anti-China Protests Worldwide As Olympics Begin

I was just reading this story by Jennifer Quinn, an Associated Press writer, at Yahoo News, about the protests around the World, as the 2008 Beijing Olympics began today.

An anti-China protester set himself on fire outside the Chinese Embassy in the Turkish capital and demonstrators raised the Tibetan flag Friday in defiance in London in protests worldwide timed to coincide with the start of the Beijing Olympics.

In Ankara, a demonstrator suffered second-degree burns after setting himself on fire during a rally by several hundred ethnic Uighurs, officials said. He was identified as a 35-year-old from Turkey's local Uighur community, an ethnic minority in China seeking independence or greater autonomy.

In Katmandu, Nepal's capital, thousands of Tibetan exiles demonstrated at the Chinese Embassy, shouting, "China, thief: Leave our country. Stop killing in Tibet."

Police forcibly dispersed the protesters, some of whom tried to storm the embassy, police official Ramesh Thapa said. More than 1,000 people were detained for violating a ban on demonstrations — the largest number of Tibetans detained in a single day in Katmandu.

link to full story

China Stands Still To Mourn Quake Victims

I was just reading this story at Yahoo News, concerning the Chinese earthquake, and their time of mourning as a week has passed since the quake hit. In a rare move for China, they also thanked the international community for the aid they have received so far, and requested more!

China stood still Monday in mourning over tens of thousands of earthquake victims, and the government appealed for more international aid to cope with the country's deadliest disaster in a generation.

Construction workers, shopkeepers and bureaucrats across the bustling nation of 1.3 billion people paused for three minutes at 2:28 p.m., exactly one week after the magnitude 7.9 quake hit central China.

Air-raid sirens and the horns of cars and buses sounded in memory of the dead. Rescuers searching for signs of life among the rubble paused briefly then continued to dig but hopes for finding survivors a week after the disaster were growing slim.Further adding to the tragedy, state news reported that more than 200 workers who had been repairing quake-shattered roads in Sichuan province were buried over the past three days by mudslides.

LINK TO FULL STORY

Hillary Gets It Right Twice Today

I was just reading this story at Yahoo News, and was shocked so see Senator Clinton getting it "right" twice in one day. First was the "acceptance" of Mark Penn's resignation, and now for requesting President Bush to Not be at the Chinese Olympics Opening Ceremonies. I originally thought that a boycott was good idea, but it really only hurts the athletes, so we shouldn't do that. But a snub by Bush at the opening ceremonies would be a good thing, and perhaps other leaders will adopt the same policy. We can just look at the news to see how fervent some people are taking this abuse of Tibet as people are protesting the Torch relays in England, France, and what looks to be many countries along the route. Good for them and Good for Hillary for taking a reasonable position.

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton on Monday called on President Bush to stay away from the Olympics opening ceremonies in Beijing, a fresh sign that politics, not sports, may take center stage at the summer games.

The Democratic presidential candidate said a boycott of the opening ceremonies by Bush would underscore U.S. concerns about the recent unrest in Tibet and questions about China's relationship with Sudan.

"The violent clashes in Tibet and the failure of the Chinese government to use its full leverage with Sudan to stop the genocide in Darfur are opportunities for presidential leadership," she said, charging the Bush administration "has been wrong to downplay human rights in its policy towards China."

She said Bush should not plan on attending the ceremonies "absent major changes by the Chinese government."

May more leaders come out in opposition to the heavy-handed treatment of "peaceful" demonstrators in Tibet, by the Chinese!

LINK TO YAHOO NEWS STORY

Tibetan Surrender Deadline Nears!

I was just reading a story at Yahoo News, concerning Tibet and an ultimatum being issued by Tibet's Chinese appointed Governor to the demonstrators to surrender!

It says that Tibet's governor denounced anti-Chinese protesters as criminals and threatened harsh consequences for those who do not turn themselves in by a midnight deadline Monday. More clashes erupted in other Chinese provinces.

The threat by China-appointed governor Champa Phuntsok heightened tensions. The Washington, D.C.-based International Campaign for Tibet said residents feared a military sweep after midnight.

The fiercest protests against Chinese rule of Tibet in almost two decades have attracted more international scrutiny of the communist government's human rights record in the run-up to the Beijing Summer Olympics, which is a great source of pride to China.

Tibet's legal authorities issued the surrender notice to demonstrators on Saturday.

"If these people turn themselves in, they will be treated with leniency within the framework of the law," said Champa Phuntsok, an ethnic Tibetan. Otherwise "we will deal with them harshly," he added. He said those who turn themselves in and inform on others will earn even more leniency. "No country would allow those offenders or criminals to escape the arm of justice and China is no exception," Champa Phuntsok said at news briefing. The Dalai Lama, Tibet's exiled spiritual leader, said Sunday that he felt "helpless" in the face of a Chinese ultimatum for protesters to surrender.

"The deadline is at midnight tomorrow. So now every second it goes nearer," the Nobel Peace laureate told reporters at the Himalayan headquarters of Tibet's government-in-exile. "I feel very sad, very serious, very anxious. Cannot do anything."

The unrest in Tibet began March 10 on the anniversary of a failed 1959 uprising against Chinese rule in the region that sent the Dalai Lama and much of the leading Buddhist clergy into exile. Tibet was effectively independent for decades before Communist troops entered in 1950.

But what began as largely peaceful protests by monks spiraled Friday into a melee with Tibetans attacking Chinese and burning their businesses in the Tibetan capital Lhasa. The outburst came after several years of intensifying government control over Buddhist practices and vilification of the Dalai Lama, whom Tibetans still revere. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice reiterated on Monday her call for China to show restraint in fighting the protests and urged Beijing to find a way to engage the Dalai Lama, the exiled Tibetan spiritual leader. "There's been a kind of missed opportunity for the Chinese to engage the Dalai Lama," Rice told reporters Monday. She said the Dalai Lama is a voice of authority, not a separatist, and he could "lend his moral weight" to helping stabilize Tibet.

Champa Phuntsok said the death toll from last week's violent demonstrations in Lhasa was 16 and dozens were injured. The Dalai Lama's exiled Tibetan government in India has said that 80 people were killed — a claim the governor denied. Over the weekend, Chinese troops on foot and in armored vehicles poured into the streets of Lhasa and enforced a curfew that kept most people off the streets. Authorities paraded handcuffed Tibetan prisoners in Lhasa on Monday, The Times of London reported on its online edition. The report said four trucks in a convoy drove through the city, with 40 people, mostly young Tibetan men and women, standing in the back, their wrists handcuffed and a soldier behind each one holding the prisoner's head bowed. Going house-to-house, police checked identity cards and residence permits, detaining any without permission to stay in Lhasa, the Times said.

While Lhasa was still swarming with troops, Chinese troops fanned out to quell sympathy protests that have spread to three neighboring provinces. More forces were mobilizing across western China's mountain valleys and broad plains to deal with protests in Tibetan communities in Gansu, Sichuan and Qinghai provinces. In Gansu's Maqu county, which borders Sichuan, thousands of monks and ordinary Tibetans clashed with police Monday in various locations, police and a Tibet rights group said. "We have nothing to protect ourselves and we can't fight back," said an officer at the county police headquarters who refused to give his name or other details. He said about 10 police were injured. In the city of Lanzhou, about 500 Tibetan students who gathered Sunday on the Northwest Minorities University's soccer field abandoned an overnight vigil. Fifty tried to march into the city, only to be blocked by security forces from leaving the campus, said the London-based Free Tibet Campaign.

A witness in Sichuan said troops moved into Ma'erkang county, next to an area where clashes between monks and police broke out Sunday with unconfirmed reports that as many as seven were killed. At Central Nationalities University in Beijing, an elite school for ethnic minorities, 100 students held a silent candlelight vigil, sitting down in an outdoor plaza Monday night. "We're doing this for those who are suffering," said a young Tibetan student. Uniformed and plainclothes security kept watch but did not interfere with the vigil. Foreign journalists were prevented from taking photos and told to leave.

The government also began to tighten its already firm hold on information. Officials expelled foreign reporters from Tibetan areas in Qinghai and Gansu provinces, contravening regulations that opened most of China to foreign media for the Olympics. Some of the few independent media remaining in Lhasa were also ordered out, making it difficult to verify casualties and other details. Police in Lhasa kicked out reporters from three Hong Kong television stations — Cable TV, TVB and ATV — and made TVB delete footage of Friday's violence, TVB reported. There were also more sympathy protests outside China. In Nepal, police used bamboo batons to disperse about 100 Tibetan protesters and Buddhist monks near the main U.N. office in Katmandu on Monday. Some 44 people were arrested.

In the wake of Friday's violence, Beijing ratcheted up the rhetoric against the Dalai Lama, accusing his supporters of masterminding the riot. "This was organized, premeditated, masterminded and incited by the Dalai clique and it was created under the collusion of Tibet independence separatist forces both inside and outside China," said Champa Phuntsok. He said three of the 16 people killed Friday in Lhasa were protesters who jumped out of a building to avoid arrest. He called the other 13 "innocent civilians," — apparently a reference to Chinese killed by demonstrators. In one case, a person died after being covered in gasoline and then set on fire, he said. In another incident, the protesters "knocked out a police officer on patrol and then they used a knife to cut a piece of flesh from his buttocks the size of a fist," he said.

Champa Phuntsok said calm had been restored to Lhasa. Residents said Monday that police were patrolling the streets and had sealed off key roads in the downtown area, where the riots occurred, but that conditions were not as tense as over the weekend. "Today, many people went back to work and some schools are open," said a tour guide. "Prices of food, gasoline and other things are soaring." Another woman said there was "still a general mood of fear about going out. But it's better than a few days ago." She said a public announcement on a local television station was encouraging people to give themselves up. Champa Phuntsok said he did not know if anyone had surrendered and police and government officials in Lhasa refused to comment.

In a further sign of China's concern about repairing the situation, Tibet's hard-line Communist Party secretary Zhang Qingli — the region's most powerful official — returned to Lhasa over the weekend and met with security forces, the official Tibet Daily newspaper said. Zhang had been attending the national legislature's annual session in Beijing, which ends Tuesday. The Tibet Daily quoted Zhang as saying security forces "carried out a frontal assault against the thugs" who rioted in Lhasa.

Russia voiced support for the Chinese government over the violence in Tibet, saying it hopes "Chinese authorities will take all necessary measures to stop illegal actions and provide for the swiftest possible normalization of the situation." The Foreign Ministry said any efforts to boycott the Beijing Olympics are "unacceptable."

Olympic officials have also said they oppose any boycott over Tibet.

Looks like it will be a very tense and dangerous week in TIbet!

Violence Increases In Tibet

I was just reading of the increased violence in Tibet, which has spilled over into neighboring provinces Sunday where Tibetan protesters defied a Chinese government crackdown. The Dalai Lama warned Tibet faced "cultural genocide" and appealed to the world for help.

Protests against Chinese rule of Tibet were reported in neighboring Sichuan and Qinghai provinces and also in western Gansu province. All are home to sizable Tibetan populations.

The demonstrations come after protests in the Tibetan capital Lhasa escalated into violence Friday, with Buddhist monks and others torching police cars and shops in the fiercest challenge to Beijing's rule over the region in nearly two decades.

"Whether intentionally or unintentionally, some kind of cultural genocide is taking place," said the Dalai Lama, the exiled Tibetan spiritual leader. He was referring to China's policy of encouraging the ethnic Han majority to migrate to Tibet, restrictions on Buddhist temples and re-education programs for monks. He told reporters in Dharmsala, the north Indian town where Tibet's self-declared government-in-exile is based, that an international body should investigate the government's crackdown on the Lhasa protests.

Let's have the international community get involved in this, and find out what is going on, and whether an Olympic Boycott would be in the United States interests to try and reign in the Chinese, and bring about some peace in Tibet!!


Tibet

China Says Terrorists Targeted Olympics

In this next story of terrorists, it is not American interests that are being targeted, but those of the Chinese, who will be hosting the 2008 Summer Olympics:
Chinese police killed alleged terrorists plotting to attack the Beijing Olympics, while a flight crew managed to prevent an apparent attempt to crash a Chinese jetliner in a separate case just last week, officials said Sunday.

Wang Lequan, the top Communist Party official in the western region of Xinjiang, said materials seized in a January raid in the regional capital, Urumqi, had described a plot with a purpose "specifically to sabotage the staging of the Beijing Olympics." "Their goal was very clear," Wang told reporters in Beijing. Wang cited no other evidence and earlier reports on the raid had made no mention of Olympic targets.

Speaking at the same meeting, Xinjiang's governor said a flight crew prevented an apparent attempt to crash a China Southern flight from Urumqi on Friday. Nur Bekri did not specifically label the incident a terrorist act, saying it remained under investigation. No passengers were injured and police were investigating, he said. China has ratcheted up anti-terror preparations ahead of the August Games, with the nation's top police official last year labeling terrorism the biggest threat facing the event. Police found guns, homemade bombs, training materials and "extremist religious ideological materials" during the Jan. 27 raid in Urumqi, in which two members of the gang were killed and 15 arrested, according to earlier reports.

Chinese forces have for years been battling a low-intensity separatist movement among Xinjiang's Uighurs, a Turkic Muslim people culturally and ethnically distinct from China's Han majority. Iron-fisted Chinese rule has largely suppressed the violence, however, and no major bombing or shooting incidents have been reported in almost a decade. Wang said the group had been trained by and was following the orders of a Uighur separatist group based in Pakistan and Afghanistan called the East Turkestan Islamic Movement, or ETIM. The group has been labeled a terrorist organization by both the United Nations and the United States. East Turkestan is another name for Xinjiang.

China says its main terror threat comes from ETIM. Although the group is not believed to have more than a few dozen members, terrorism experts say it has become influential among extremist groups using the Internet to raise funds and find recruits. Wang said security forces would take pro-active measures to crush terrorism, religious extremism, and separatism. "These guys are fantasizing if they think they can disrupt the Olympics," said Wang, known for his hardline stance on crushing dissent. "They don't have the strength."

Few details were available about the alleged attempt to crash the China Southern Airlines flight that left Urumqi at 10:35 a.m. on Friday. Bekri, the governor of the Xinjiang region, indicated that more than one person was involved, but did not specify who was suspected to be behind the attempt, saying it remains under investigation. "From what we presently know, this was an attempt to crash the plane," Bekri said. Bekri said the crew responded and brought the plane to an emergency landing in the western city of Lanzhou at 12:40 p.m. No passengers were injured and police were investigating, he said. He said it continued to its original destination, Beijing, after about one hour. A man who answered the phone at China Southern's Urumqi office said he the incident was under investigation and he had no further details. He hung up without giving his name.

There are the areas of cooperation that we should be working with the Chinese, as well as the Russians on, who have terrorists of their own to deal with, and terrorism is the most important area, in which said copperation is needed. If there really is to be a winnable global war on terrorism, it will require that the three largest, and most powerful nations work together, if we and they are going to succeed!!