Olympic Gold Medal-Winner Returns Home

We'll get to the reaction to Hillary Clinton's speech last night in another post, but more important than that is the return "home" of our "cool" Iowa Olympian, Miss Shawn Johnson. She did take gold in the all-around, but she acquitted herself very nicely anyway, with one gold, and three silver medals!! Welcome Home Shawn~~and start preparing for 2012.

The story at Yahoo Sports News reads:
The story, as told by Shawn Johnson, goes like this: She was headed to David Letterman’s show Monday from Chicago when the airline reported a problem.

Apparently, the pilot had an incident when he heard Johnson was on his plane.“I guess he just like freaked out and hit his head,” Johnson said Tuesday to a crowd of thousands in her first appearance back to her hometown. “They had to take him to the hospital for stitches.”

The hysteria continued Tuesday night at the Wells Fargo Arena, where the gold-medal winning gymnast was feted with a reception worthy of a rock star.

Johnson, 16, won one gold and three silver medals at the Olympics. Iowa has seen Johnson in several iterations: her ever-present grin at the Beijing Olympics, a bronze sculpture in the Iowa Hall of Fame, and an all-butter representation kept in a cooler at the Iowa State Fair.
link to full story

Small Towns Suffer And Bush Visits Iowa

A quick little flood update story and then back to humor.
With Mother Nature giving us another beautiful, sunny day, we have important visitors arriving today, as President Bush is touching down in Cedar Rapids, and will then tour the area, have a quick bite to eat, and announce "Mission Accomplished", as his arrival means an end to ALL suffering from the floods?!?
Oh, I meant, we are still under the gun, with a "hint" of hope that this will soon be over, even as small towns south of here are suffering from rising waters!!

The story at Yahoo News reads:
As floodwaters take aim at the tiny towns lining the Mississippi River, the heartland ethic of neighbors helping neighbors is proving to be a potent force against the rising water.

Volunteers up and down the river in Illinois and Missouri joined sandbagging operations in the frantic effort to contain the Mississippi as forecasters predicted near-record crests from Quincy, Ill., to Winfield, Mo.

"There's one thing about Midwesterners," said Don Giltner, mayor of Louisiana, Mo., a picturesque river town north of St. Louis where 40 square blocks were under water Wednesday, three days before the Mississippi's expected crest. "We're resilient as hell. We're all worn out. We've put in a lot of long days."

President Bush planned to travel Thursday to Cedar Rapids and Iowa City, where the water is receding but families and businesses are knee-deep in the disheartening aftermath. The visits will be his first in the Midwest since flooding began; he was in Europe at the time but expressed deep concern. Storms and flooding across six states this month have killed 24 people, injured 148 and caused more than $1.5 billion in estimated damage in Iowa alone — a figure that's likely to increase as river levels climb in Missouri and Illinois.

link to full story

Flood Hampers Life But Hump Day Humor Continues June 18th

On a day that has seen 30 levees overtopped by the rising Mississippi River, I have decided to get bakc to some humor, so IF anyone stops by my blog for a few days, they will be met with "humor" instead of more bad news. We shall get through this disaster on a day to day basis, and Iowans do have a sense of humor, or we wouldn't live here!!

Anyway let's get started, as I spent the "day" getting to work this afternoon by way of Melrose, Camp Cardinal Blvd, and then to the Mall~~I didn't realize what you folks traveling this route everyday are going through~~a backed up nightmare~~tonight I shall jump back on Interstate 80 to get home~"even though I hate it", because at least it will not take an hour extra to get there. Also, I am extremely grateful to have a job to go to, and a home to return at night!! Best wishes to everyone getting through this "flood" situation, and let's keep praying for nice weather!!


Hump Day Humor~~evening of June 18th:





The Children Are Our Future
This is a list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students: It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades. The spellings are the original ones.

1. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
2. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
3. When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
4. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin.
5. A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
6. Liter: A nest of young puppies.
7. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
8. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
9. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
10. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
11. The pistol of the flower is its only protection against insects.
12. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
13. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
14. For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower that the heart until the heart stops.
15. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
16. Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
17. The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
18. Blood flows down one leg and up the the other.
========================================================================================================================

Big Secret
In the 1970's, before women were allowed to sign up for combat duty, a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a man and was able to join the army.

"But, wait a minute," said one listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?"

"Sure," replied the man.

"Well, won't they find out?" asked his friend.

The man shrugged and replied, "But who will tell?"
========================================================================================================================

Prayers Before Dinner
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"

"No sir," Little Johnny replies, "I don't have to, my mom is a good cook!"
=========================================================================================================================

Excellent Poet
A professor asked a student to remain for a few moments after class. Holding out the young man's assignment, the professor said, "Did you write this poem all by yourself?"

The student said, "Every word of it."

The professor said, "Well, then, I'm glad to meet you, Mr.Poe. I thought you were long dead."
=========================================================================================================================

Math Poem
This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks).
((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0





Or for those who have trouble with the poem:

A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.
==========================================================================================================================

Job Interviews
Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.

- An applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
- An applicant wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
- An applicant fell and broke his arm during the interview.
- A candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office.
- An applicant explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.
- A candidate said he had never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
- A balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.
- An applicant said that if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
- An applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.
- A candidate brought a large dog to interview.
- An applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed while standing up.
- One candidate dozed off during interview.
=============================================================================================================

Redneck Ring
The woman asked her redneck lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"

"Sure," he replied. "What's your phone number?
=============================================================================================================

It's Simple
The truth is that if you take a little time to learn a few basic principles and some of the technical lingo, buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth. So let's get started!
=============================================================================================================

Unbreakable
A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.

Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."
=============================================================================================================

Selling Shoes
Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, "I'm returning on the next flight. Can't sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot."

At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling "The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!"
=============================================================================================================

Best Violins
Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: "We make the best violins in Italy."

The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: "We make the best violins in the world."

Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: "We make the best violins on the block."
=============================================================================================================
Cab Drivers
Two cab drivers met. "Hey," asked one, "why did you paint one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"

"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
=============================================================================================================
Pengiun Movies
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."

The man replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
=============================================================================================================

Not So Smart
The old Indian chief sat in his home on the reservation, smoking his ceremonial pipe, eyeing the two U.S. government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for many years. You have seen all his progress and all his problems." The chief nodded.

The official continued, "What do you think of all the white man has done?"

The chief stared at the officials for more than a minute, and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo, plenty beaver. Medicine man free. Indian people hunted and fished all the time."

The chief paused, then added, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
=============================================================================================================

The Devil You Say
The Devil tells a salesman, "Look, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any salesman alive. In fact, I can make you the greatest salesman that ever lived."

"Well," says the salesman, "what do I have to do in return?"

The Devil smiles, "Well, of course you have to give me your soul," he says, "but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children's children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity."

"Wait a minute," the salesman says cautiously, "What's the catch?"
=============================================================================================================

Happy Hump Night~~Remember that the Largest Full Moon Illusion of the year is this evening beginning around 8:43 C.S.T.!!

If you have any jokes, stories, or anything you would like to share, Please leave them in the comments section, or send them to my email for the next set of humor posts, at danielcarvelkepler@yahoo.com.. Take Care!!

More Flood Worries As Mississippi Rises

It looks like it is going to be a very beautiful week in the Iowa City/ Coralville area, which while still inundated by flood waters, will be able to breath a tiny bit, knowing that there are not more rains expected for at least a "week"!! Keep your fingers crossed, and your prayers flowing as the week progresses, and there is a gradual receding of the water.

However, as with this entire flood event, there are more worries as the Cedar, and Iowa, pour into the Mighty Mississippi River, as bring it to dangerous levels.

The story I was just reading at Yahoo News reads:
Officials warily eyed the mighty Mississippi Monday swollen by days of flooding as waterlogged Iowan towns began a massive clean-up with damage set to run into the billions of dollars.

With some 2,500 National Guard already deployed across the state trying to keep the floodwaters at bay, experts believe the Mississippi, the country's second longest river, could crest either Tuesday or Wednesday.

Iowa Governor Chet Culver warned the Mississippi would be the next battleground, as floodwaters from the state's Cedar, Iowa and Des Moines rivers poured into larger river.

link to full story

10 Things You Can Do Or ARE Doing To Make The Iowa Floods Worse

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY SARCASM ALERT: I'm Just saying~~~~~

It is Sunday around noon( finally finished after many interruptions at 2:06p.m.) and I have been contemplating this post for days, as I watch the news, and see our fellow Iowans struggling with the floods. There have been extraordinary efforts on the part of many people to assist in any way that they can to help. However, there is just as many who are doing everything in their power to make matters worse for the cities affected. I am by nature and preference a very sarcastic person, who often "attempts" to use humor to make serious points. I have seen or been told by others of the following 10 things that are occurring, and God willing will make the floods effects worse, than they have to be. I also know that even if these "offenders" read this, they are arrogant or self-absorbed enough to not recognize themselves, so basically this is just a writing exercise, and a chance to vent!!

Thanks to the awesome volunteers who have made every attempt to save their fellow citizen's homes, and business, including the college campus~~Mega~Good Karma for you ALL!!

As for those who gawked or got in the way~~may karma visit you as well, but may it be a 180 degree difference from the Good Karma people above.

This is directly from a story on the Press-Citizen online front page:Area curfews and all prior advisories against non-essential vehicle travel in the Iowa River corridor area of Iowa City still remain in effect. Streets and roadways in the river corridor area must remain clear for emergency vehicles and public safety operations. (Except for certain Special People~~She Knows Who SHE Is(part of my club), who got excellent photos of the floods for posterity's sake)!!
So the first of the 10 things to make the flood worse, would be to continue ignoring this advisory, and drive around sight seeing. Heck it is Sunday, so ignore the tragedy unfolding, load up your vehicle and go for a nice drive, possibly making sojourns to all of the affected areas, and getting in the way of people "trying" to make a difference. Hey, make it even better, and try crossing roads covered by water, maybe even getting yourself and children stranded, so valuable emergency personnel can take time away from real emergencies to save your stupid butt!!

Second, I was impressed to hear from employees coming to the mall(because we are open and those who can make it are covering for those who cannot make it in), that during the worst rains yesterday, there were actually people who had sprinklers on their lawns running--timed--"maybe", but can't they be turned off--you know just in case we end up like Cedar Rapids, and actually need the save the water resources.

A third thing you can do is go out bicycling, walking, exercising in any manner (except volunteer sandbagging or other flood related needs), so you can get nice and sweaty, and go home and take a nice, long shower. Also please wash your clothes, another sure way to use water that may be needed later. If your clothes are clean, just throw them back in for the heck of it, all the while knowing that there are people who are sitting in shelters, because their homes are under water, who have limited access to showers, clean clothes, etc.,.

A fourth way to "help" is to continue using the 911 line as an information line about the flood, even though the city officials, and law enforcement have made pleas to ONLY use 911 for an ACTUAL emergency~~Another sure sign of "concern" for your fellow Iowans, who may need the line for health problems, accidents, fires, instead of your important "need" to know "how it's going".

A fifth way to show your support, and compassion, for the flood victims, is to get out an buy a new expensive outfit, maybe a $100 pair of jeans, or some nice Michael Jordan's, instead of donating part of it to assist people who may have lost everything.

A sixth big assist for the volunteers who seemed to be annoyed by pounding on Bongo drums??? I actually read about this at the Iowa Press-Citizen online website, and it was a comment from people who signed the post~~THE SANDBAGGERS, and thanked the Bongo drum people for not only being useless, but annoying!! Maybe some "nice" accordion serenades would add to the volunteers pain as well?!

A seventh important thing to have a negative impact on the area, is to make sure you are doing your part to waste electricity. You know~~turn on all of your lights, let the dryer run with nothing in it, maybe even hook up Christmas lights if they're still up, turn on all the tv's, anything electrical, so assist in putting a strain on the electrical grid, so it will be more effort to keep pumps, and other needed equipment running.

A eighth annoyance is to call the CVB (Coralville Visitors Bureau) info line, and get upset that some businesses are closed with the classic refrain "What Flood?" Awesome! Do you ever turn on the news? You see it has been on THE National News for at least a week, and yet there are a whole lot of people who do not have a clue, and/or think it should be over, because it is "inconveniencing" them~~~just think how the flood victims have been inconvenienced~~~Oh that's right you cannot think past "yourself", so keep feeling put upon!!

A ninth thing that has been witnessed by several people, are the "geniuses" who are moving the road closed signs, putting on waders, and walking into the flood areas to fish!! Isn't it against the law to move the signs, and enter these "no access" designated areas~~~Oh right, they know that law enforcement is so busy that they do not have the resources to stop every idiot out there, but rest assured if something "bad" happens to these idiots they will be the ones screaming for help from these same "busy" law enforcement personnel!

And finally here is one that is not only happening NOW, but all of the time in Iowa City/ Coralville, and probably in every city, and that is moronic drivers who ignore emergency vehicles. The majority of driver's pull to the side when emergency vehicles are approaching, but invariably there is at least one or more vehicles, who use this opportunity to race ahead of the line of stopped vehicles, until they actually have the ambulance directly behind them and then cut in front of any vehicle that is there wthl an "aura of entitlement"!! What the hell~~that ambulance could be hauling a relative, friend, loved one, and your stupidity make it more important to get a few car lengths ahead, then do the right and legal thing~~i.e. PULL OVER!! I think we should all work to assist these "bad" drivers when this occurs~~~~I don't usually believe in snitching on people, but these can be life and death situations, so please if you see someone doing this take down their license plate number, vehicle description, time and place, and call it in to the Police. Now perhaps they cannot get in trouble right away, but perhaps the police could use this information and distribute it to their officers, and ANYTIME they see this vehicle, they may take the opportunity to do a traffic stop~vehicle safety check~~perhaps daily or several times a day, until they "understand" that they are not above the law!! An even better idea, I just received from a reader would be to get their insurance company's name if they have a insurance sticker on their vehicle, and call to inform "them" of their insureds' amazingly stupid and dangerous driving. If enough people are impacted, perhaps we can improve the safety on the roads for all of us.
One more point about driver's, and that is due to the "need" of having law enforcement in the cities, taking care of the floods, Interstate 80 has turned into the Wild West, with people often blasting by at 80 or more miles per hour, even in the 55 mph contruction area, and on at least two occasions these speeding, swerving in and out of traffic drivers, have "nearly" caused accidents with other vehicles, actually driving at the legal speed~~so if you see these people, please call them in as well!!

We have a lot to do to get through the floods, and their aftermath, and if you choose to make things better, please just don't do any of the above, and if you wish to make it as bad as possible, just go down the list and pick out your favorites (tongue firmly planted in cheek)!!
If you can think of anything else that can be "done" please comment and add them to this list!! Thanks!!

Sometimes you can make more of an impact by using humor to make a point, I hope this is one of those times!!


Have a Nice Father's Day, and Stay Safe and Dry!!

+

Tornado Kills 4 Boy Scouts

In addition to the flooding in Iowa, today marks a very sad day, for Iowans and Nebraskans, after 4 boy scouts were killed by a tornado, Wednesday evening along the Iowa~Nebraska border. Three of the boys were from Omaha, Nebraska, and one from Eagle Grove, Iowa. Our sympathies go to their families, friends, and fellow scouts.

The Boy Scouts who came to each others' aid after a tornado that killed four of their comrades and injured 48 people were hailed as heroes Thursday for helping to administer first aid and search for victims buried in their flattened campsite.

Iowa rescue workers cut through downed branches and dug through debris amid rain and lightning Wednesday night to reach the camp where the 93 boys, ages 13 to 18, had huddled for safety through the twister. They and 25 staff members were attending a weeklong leadership training camp.

Lloyd Roitstein, an executive with the Mid America Council of the Boy Scouts of America, reminded reporters at a news conference Thursday that the Boy Scouts motto is "Be Prepared."

link to full story

EARTHQUAKE FELT IN IOWA CITY

I was just reading the "cool" story at Iowa City Press-Citizen Online, concerning the earthquake in New Salem, Illinois, and that some people reported being able to feel it here in Iowa City. I did not get to feel it, and was kind of hoping for a redux, for all of us who missed it. ;)

At 4:37 a.m. today, Iowans across much of the state got a slight taste of the kind of natural disaster we don't get much of a taste of in these parts. A 5.4 magnitude earthquake.

Sure, it's not the Southern California variety, at least not the variety that makes most within shaking distance of the San Andreas Fault take much notice. But we're not used to the earth moving around here too much.


To add to the excitement, several aftershocks from the same fault have been recorded by the U.S. Geological Survey, including a 4.5 magnitude quake at 10:15 a.m., that some in Iowa City felt.

There are several comments on this story, which indicates that a great many people did feel the earthquake and the after-shock!

Have A Great Friday!!

EARTHQUAKE FELT IN IOWA CITY LINK TO FULL STORY

Iowans For Tax Relief Are Not For All Iowans

I would like to thank Katy Brown and Patrick Riepe for today's post as Katy sent out an email suggesting that someone write about it, and Patrick added to it in his reply.
The Iowans for Tax Relief story link is at the bottom and if you get a chance visit their website as they are very clever in "showing" that they are for all Iowans. That is until you look at their "accomplishments", which include getting the top corporate tax rate down from 13% TO 8.98%, blocked debt financing and protected deductions in 2003, Phase-out of Social Security taxes in 2006, and they boast of eight consecutive years of tax cuts.
Those would all be laudable accomplishments if it wasn't for the fact that the taxes that were cut were for those most able to afford taxes, and the increases that needed to be made to offset the cuts fell on the rest of us.
Money talks and the politicians feed at the trough of corporate money to finance their expensive campaigns. Iowans for Tax Relief supported former Congressman Nussle in the last election against Chet Culver, who eventually won the Governorship of Iowa.
Their are many political action groups and they all pretend to be for the average person, but you need to see who they affiliate with to see their true purpose. The Iowans for Tax Relief have the Christian Alliance as their allies, so you can be sure that any agenda that they pursue will be veyr conservative, i.e. against programs that assist the less fortunate among us, and will promote good "Christian" values, "you know..values that are anything BUT Christ-like"!
I have listed the Officers and Board of Directors for Iowans for Tax Relief below:
Officers
Dean Kleckner
Honorary Chairman
David M. Stanley
Chairman
Robert H. Solt
Vice Chairman
Cloyd E. Robinson
Vice Chairman
Jeffrey R. Boeyink
President
Edward D. Failor, Jr.
Executive Vice President
Edward D. Failor, Sr.
Senior Counsel
Peter E. Voorhees
Finance Chairman
Christopher W. Nichols
Information Services Director
Daniel G. Steele
Creative Services Director
Jamie D. Hopkins
Development Director
Kathleen M. Koberg
Public Relations Director
Board of Directors
Jeffrey A. Bean
Anthony T. Berardi
Jeffrey R. Boeyink
David G. Dickey
Edward D. Failor, Jr.
Edward D. Failor, Sr.
John G. Giblin
Hugh S. Greig
Dean Kleckner
James M. Kurtenbach
Scott D. Newhard
Dr. Donald P. Racheter
Cloyd E. Robinson
Robert H. Solt
David M. Stanley
Jean Leu Stanley
Jane Svoboda
Ray A. Taylor
Peter E. Voorhees
R. Scott Weiser
Herbert A. Wilson
Now I looked up a couple of the top officers to see whose vision they are following and found out that their Honorary Chairman, Dean Kleckner is an Iowa farmer and former President of the Iowa Farm Bureau, Chairman David M. Stanley, is the founder of Iowans for Tax Relief, and was a Republican candidate for the House of Representatives, and tried to run for The Senate in 1968 and 1974, and lives in Muscatine, Iowa, Edward D. Failor Sr. and Jr., is just says they are Iowa Conservatives for Fairness and Tax Relief, and Peter Voorhees is Counsel for the group is a member of the Des Moines law firm of McKee, Voorhees & Sease, which gave the University of Iowa, College of Law a $100,000 gift in December of 2004.
I am sure the rest of this group consists of more like-minded, Conservative, fellows, who would definitely like to have lower rates on their considerable wealth.
Wouldn't it be nice to be in their league, then we would think it was fair to let the taxes fall on the lesser among us, so we can keep are largesse to ourselves and other "like'minded", "Good-Christians".
"Beware of wolves in sheeps clothing", as that is what this Iowans for Tax Relief is!

Taxes