George Carlin Dead At 71

Before we get onto the serious issues that we will be covering this week, I wanted to take a few moments to bid farewell to George Carlin. He died last evening, and while I am not a huge fan, I did find him amusing, in particular his linguistic quirks, and find it good to mourn the passing of a "good" person, in particular a person who entertained and amused so many through out his lifetime. May he find peace wherever he now rests, and I send my condolences to his family, and friends!!

The story at Yahoo News reads:
Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television. Some People Are Stupid. Stuff. People I Can Do Without. George Carlin, who died of heart failure Sunday at 71, leaves behind not only a series of memorable routines, but a legal legacy: His most celebrated monologue, a frantic, informed riff on those infamous seven words, led to a Supreme Court decision on broadcasting offensive language.


The counterculture hero's jokes also targeted things such as misplaced shame, religious hypocrisy and linguistic quirks — why, he once asked, do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Carlin, who had a history of heart trouble, went into St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica on Sunday afternoon complaining of chest pain and died later that evening, said his publicist, Jeff Abraham. He had performed as recently as last weekend at the Orleans Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas.


Let us have a little interlude in this story with some of George Carlin's New Rules
Just thought you all show know.
New Rule:
Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com ! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days . . mowing my lawn.
New Rule:
Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?
New Rule:
Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule:
If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule:
Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule:
There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule:
Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule:
The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule:
I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule:
Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule:
Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule:
I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule:
If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule:
No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule: and this one is long overdue:
No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule:
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule:
If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying" Do you want fries with that?"

Here are some of George Carlin's quotes:
Always do whatever's next.


At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.


Atheism is a non-prophet organization.


By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.


Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.


Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.


Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.


Electricity is really just organized lightning.


Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.


Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.


Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?


"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?


I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.


I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.


I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.


I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.


I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.


I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.


I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.


I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.


I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.


I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.


If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.


If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.


If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.


If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.


In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.


Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.


Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.


May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.


Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.


Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.


One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.


One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.


People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.


Religion is just mind control.


Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.


Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.


The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.


The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.


The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.


The status quo sucks.


The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.


There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.


There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.


Think off-center.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.


Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?


What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?


When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?


When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.


When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.


When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.


You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.


You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

REST IN PEACE!!

link to full story

Charlton Heston is DEAD

This is a very sad day, as news of the Death of Charlton Heston spreads around the world. He was one of the greatest actors America has ever produced in my humble opinion, and even though he was associated with the right wing conservative causes like the second amendment, he was a progressive throughout much of his life. In have been to many sources this morning and early afternoon, trying to put together a proper tribute for such a great man, and hope it does him justice.

I know for me the defining Heston film is The Omega Man, as it is one of my top five favorite films, as well as being in my top three favorite books (though it was originally titled "I Am Legend", and had been a Vincent Price film in the 50's~~Heston did it Better!). I realize he did other Big things, but for me this was the epitomy of his Best work and made Robert Neville and the reality of the End of Our World all too Real!

Charlton Heston's life story reads like a film script. From the backwoods of Michigan, he became one of the world's most famous faces, a high-profile campaigner for Civil Rights and an unapologetic president of America's National Rifle Association.

He was born John Charles Carter in Evanston, Illinois.
He studied acting before serving for three years in the US Air Force.

Back in civilian life, Heston and his wife, Lydia, went through hard times, while waiting for his first break as an actor. Living in a single room in Chicago, at one time they posed for artists, at $1.25 an hour, before Heston finally attracted Hollywood's attention.

In 1952, after working on Broadway, Heston starred as the ringmaster in the movie, The Greatest Show on Earth. Four years later, he appeared as Moses in The Ten Commandments, the role which would define his career.
Physically imposing at six foot four, with granite-hewn features and a deep, sonorous voice, he radiated screen presence.
No role was too big for Heston. In The Greatest Story Ever Told, he was John the Baptist; he played El Cid, along with Michelangelo in The Agony and the Ecstasy and General Gordon in Khartoum.

And, in 1959, he won an Oscar for Best Actor for his performance in Ben-Hur.
On stage, he was Sir Thomas More in A Man for all Seasons, Macbeth and Antony in Antony and Cleopatra.

Although later identified with traditionally conservative causes, Charlton Heston was a vocal supporter of Martin Luther King and the 1960s Civil Rights movement.
After King's assassination, and the murder of Robert Kennedy, Heston called for gun controls. He later said that he was "misguided".

The science fiction film, Planet of the Apes, proved a big commercial success in the late 1960s, and Heston almost became a fixture in 1970s disaster movies like Earthquake and Skyjacked.
And his big-screen performance in the environmentally-tinged sci-fi thriller, Soylent Green, brought him cult status among a younger audience.
As noted at the beginning of this tribute, Charlton Heston's premier role for me was as Colonel Robert Neville, in The Omega Man in 1971 was his greatest film, and below is a review/synopsis of the film:

In The Omega Man, Robert Neville (Heston) is the last man on Earth, surviving by scavenging the desiccated remains of a plague-wasted city. Before the Armageddon, which battered the biosphere with nuclear and biological weapons, Neville was a military research physician, a Renaissance man of the technological age. Now he is a post-holocaust hunter-gatherer, his lonely, three-year routine comprised of food-foraging over dusty shelves and shooting the Family. The last man on Earth, yes, but not alone.

The Family are virtually neo-humans: they are the blighted survivors of a global plague that mutated humans into extremely photophobic, generously psychotic albinos. Few in number, perhaps 300, they huddle their unbalanced minds 'round the debatable stability of their zealot-dictator, Matthias (Zerbe). With quasi-religious fervor and gestalt, the Family haunts the city's night, sweeping through hospitals, universities, libraries and museums, burning all of the legacies of technology and the old age. They also seek to purge themselves of Neville and hunt him regularly, for, unmarred by plague, he is a vessel for all the knowledge, science and civilization that the Family believes poisoned the old life.

Thus, the rhythm of Neville's world is inexorably ruled by light and dark. With the sun high, he hunts the Family and roots through the city for the dislocated acmes of science and art, hauling them back to his fortified brownstone haven. Every day is brutal, dull, identical--until the last man discovers he is not the only human left, and his blood may hold salvation for a doomed, diseased world.

The Omega Man, based on Richard Matheson's novel I Am Legend, can legitimately be considered an SF Easter film. Its predominant themes of sin, deliverance, sacrifice and resurrection are high-minded and ambitious, as well as nicely balanced and executed. One of the film's neater ironies is Neville's twin aspects--destroyer and savior.

As part of the military-medical complex, he was a member of the brain-trust that created disease for martial purposes. Yet Neville is also salvation, for his blood contains plague antibodies derived from an experimental serum he developed and used on himself. He is too late to save the bulk of the people his previous work imperiled, but he has the potential to save the pitiful handfuls that are left. He is redeemer and redeemed.

This production is both evenly paced and plotted, and it manages a subtle emotional power. For example, the film devotes much time to illustrating Neville's post-apocalyptic lifestyle and last-man psyche. When he finally meets another soul, then is introduced to over a half-dozen more, the appearance of those new faces is overwhelming. The emotional onus of an omega man is further underscored by the band's speaking of their numbers as paltry, whereas Neville's rapturous countenance beams his newfound wealth.

The film definitely has a hokey aura, generated primarily by: a) the fact that this is an SF film starring Charlton Heston; b) the rather lackluster makeup job on the albinised Family; c) the twang and tang of an easy listening/Action Jackson hybrid 70s soundtrack; and d) the final vignette. Let potential audiences not be deterred. Parts of The Omega Man might taste a little gamey to the average consumer, but the gourmand will find it well-seasoned and rightly aged.

There is so much of this film that I like: Neville's home as a fortress-island of art and science; Rosalind Cash's strong, blaxploitation edge; the Family's use of City Hall (with all its imprimatur) as a nest; the film's exploration of the question as to whether the Family can be saved by the serum, i.e., whether they are still human. And of course, no one can say "My God!" like Heston.
This was an awesome film and should be watched by everyone, to remember the state of mind of this nation in the early 70's, as we were still in Vietnam, still had a Hot~Cold War, and still did practice nuclear attack drills in school, and business on a regular basis. A snapshot of our culture to be sure, but a good snapshot!


The 1980s saw a rare foray onto television, as Jason Colby in The Colbys.

But, later in his career, Heston turned increasingly back to the stage, and to fighting for his political beliefs.
During his six years as president of the Screen Actors Guild , he decried the trend for undermining traditional American heroes.
And, having grown up in the Michigan woods where poor people sometimes shot their next meal, Heston became embroiled in a passionate national debate over gun laws.

A high-profile president of the National Rifle Association, he once vowed that the only way the government would take away his gun was from his "cold, dead hands".

On 9 August 2002, he issued a statement, announcing that his doctors had diagnosed "a neurological disorder whose symptoms are consistent with Alzheimer's disease".

A self-avowed Anglophile, he was a hugely enthusiastic reader of the Aubrey/Maturin novels of the late Patrick O'Brian and was co-chairman of the American Air Museum in Britain.

Heston once said of himself, "I have played three presidents, three saints and two geniuses in my career. If that doesn't create an ego problem, nothing does."

But, while his screen giants gave him the stature to champion his causes, Charlton Heston, along with many critics, felt his best film performance was as the shy, awkward ranch hand in Will Penny.

And while Charlton Heston will always be identified with heroes who lived before the birth of his country, it was perhaps the American pioneer who was closest to his heart. I have provided a link to Yahoo News which has a great deal more about Mr. Heston than I have been able to compile.

A Great Actor and a Good Man has died, and I send my Condolences to his family and friends. May Mr. Heston Rest In Peace!!

LINK TO MORE ON CHARLTON HESTON