Well it has been 2 days since the results of the Presidential election have had time to sink in, and Wall Street is handling the news well, with only a small 1,000 point drop, over wednesday and thursday, but is up a little friday.
I heard on the news that guns sales are brisk as people stock up, before President Obama bans all firearms.?.
The hate filled emails are filling the inboxes, and threats/jokes about the new President being assassinated are making workplaces fun again!?!
What the Hell is wrong with this country?
The President doesn't even take the oath of office until January 20th, 2009, and already there is such contempt and hatred, that I worry for this nation!
Let's lighten things up a little bit, and give our New President a chance, before getting all fired up and hateful!! After all the worst thing that could happen is that Obama would end up like the last three utter Presidential failures; George W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, and Ronald Reagan!! I know some fellow "delusional" Republicans cannot understand Ronald Reagan being listed, as they loved him, but he was an evil failure nonetheless, and being loved is no appropriate way to gauge success or failure, as there are people who loved Hitler, and yet he was still an evil failure, just like Reagan( Sorry to Reagan Lovers, But My Hatred Is Very Personal, And Very Deep)!!
Anyway, enough politics for the week!! We can all pray that our Nation will get back on the right track, and one way to do that, is by spending money and reigniting this economy. I have been receiving "tons" of prints for the last week, and have been busy finding room for them, and that is why I have been unable to write for a few days.
The Coral Ridge Mall should be a wonderfully packed "house" with happy shoppers this weekend as Penn State comes to play the Iowa Hawkeyes in football on Saturday. So stop in Friday after work, and spend Saturday and Sunday "buying" Christmas gifts!
The weather is perfect for shopping, and many places are already bringing in special merchandise and having sales!!
Here is some humor that is obviously lacking for alot of disappointed people this week:
Recently, I got to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions. One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?" Our jumpmaster looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."
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A doctor, an engineer, and a lawyer go out hunting in the woods one day. Each of them brings along his hunting dog, and they spend most of the morning arguing about which of the dogs is the smartest. Early in the afternoon, they discover a clearing in the forest. In the middle of the clearing is a large pile of animal bones. Seeing the bones, the doctor turns to the others and says, "I'm going to prove to you two that my dog is the smartest. Watch this!" He then calls his dog over and says, "Bones! See the bones? Go get 'em!" The dog rushes over to the pile, rummages around for a bit, and then proceeds to build a replica of the human skeleton, perfect down to the last detail. The doctor grins smugly; after all, his dog has just built a human skeleton from animal bones. The engineer, however, is totally unimpressed. "That's nothing," he says. "Watch this." He calls his dog over, and points out the pile. "Bones! Get the bones!" The dog rushes over, tears down the skeleton, and in its place builds a perfect replica of the Eiffel Tower. It even has a little French flag waving at the top. The doctor is forced to agree that the engineer's dog is, in fact, smarter than his own. The lawyer, however, is still not impressed. "My dog is smarter," he says. "Watch." He then calls his dog over, points to the pile, and says simply, "Bones." The dog rushes over to the pile, tears down the tower, eats half the bones, buries the other half, and takes the rest of the afternoon off.
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Three friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the business. They ignored her too. So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
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A man sentenced to prison was put in a cell with an older convict who had been there for many years. One day, they were talking about their pasts, and the old man said, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." "What happened?" his new cellmate asked. "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing."
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In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalities and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency and a concatenated consistency. Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement and asinine affectations. Let your extemporaneous descants and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy and vain vapid verbosity. If you are really interested to know, the above means: "Be brief and don’t use big words."
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A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in Peace." The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this...somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"
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A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked "May I help you?" The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those day-vorce's." The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres". The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I got a John Deere." The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit" The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear to the church on Sundays." The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30." Finally the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?" And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."
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Former college basketball coach Abe Lemmons made the following observations concerning the differences between doctors and coaches: - Doctors can bury their mistakes - Coaches still have theirs on scholarships. - Finish last in your league and they call you an idiot - Finish last in medical school and they call you a doctor. - Just once I'd like to see the win-loss records of doctors right out front where people can see them: Won ten, Lost three, Tied two.
))))))))))))))))))))))))Okay the next one is not so nice;)
One of the presidential candidates was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the candidate if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word "tragedy." So, the candidate asked the class for an example of a tragedy. One boy stood up and said, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy." "No," said the candidate, "that would be an accident." A girl raised her hand and said, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," the candidate said. "That's what we would call a Great Loss." The room went silent. No other children volunteered. The candidate searched the room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, "If your campaign plane, carrying yourself and your running mate, was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy." "That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" asked the candidate. "Well," Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as heck wouldn’t be a Great Loss..."
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Why engineers don't write recipe books. Chocolate Chip Cookies: Ingredients: 1.) 532.35 cm3 gluten2.) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO33.) 4.9 cm3 refined halite4.) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride5.) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O116.) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O117.) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde8.) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein9.) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao10.) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) Directions: To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction. Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston’s first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
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According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight. The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign. The vibration stopped immediately. A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.
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On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!' The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat. Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, 'I don't belong here; I should be in the third grade!' Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem. The principal and the first grade teacher told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of. The teacher suggested they try some biology questions. 'What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?' asked the teacher. 'Legs!' Larry immediately replied. "What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn't?' asked the teacher. 'Pockets!' said Larry. The teacher looked at the principal, who said, "Maybe he should be in third grade, I missed those last two questions!'
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Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall. One turned to the other and said, "Hello." The other one thought, "I wonder what he meant by that
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A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "Seventy-five cents."
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
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A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head. He orders a drink and the barman asks, "Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?" The man replies, "It’s a long-running family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday." To which the barman remarks, "Then I have some bad news for you - it’s Wednesday." Sheepishly, the man says, "Oh dear, I must look like a real fool!"
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One day the zoo-keeper noticed that "Cheech" the orang-utang was reading two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. Suprised, he asked him, "Why are you reading both those books/' "Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother."
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Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane. She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up. Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she’d be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary. "Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?" The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand." She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?" Again he went through his tables. "Extremely remote," he said. "About one in a billion." Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office. And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.
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A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend pitching woo in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw the spectacle, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the bartender asked. "That dumb Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
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The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol. 1. It’s an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don’t care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable. 15. If something does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten.
And I Believe We Shall End On This VERY Good Idea, Hopefully, This Practice Shall Be Instituted At Your Work Locations Immediately!!;)
Thanks for reading, and If you wish to send any jokes, stories, or hate filled emails, please write me at danielcarvelkepler@yahoo.com, or just leave a comment!!
Good Luck And Take Care!!
In the next few days we shall get on with important stories, like the beginning of the Presidential campaign for 2012!!!!!!!!
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