Flood Hampers Life But Hump Day Humor Continues June 18th

On a day that has seen 30 levees overtopped by the rising Mississippi River, I have decided to get bakc to some humor, so IF anyone stops by my blog for a few days, they will be met with "humor" instead of more bad news. We shall get through this disaster on a day to day basis, and Iowans do have a sense of humor, or we wouldn't live here!!

Anyway let's get started, as I spent the "day" getting to work this afternoon by way of Melrose, Camp Cardinal Blvd, and then to the Mall~~I didn't realize what you folks traveling this route everyday are going through~~a backed up nightmare~~tonight I shall jump back on Interstate 80 to get home~"even though I hate it", because at least it will not take an hour extra to get there. Also, I am extremely grateful to have a job to go to, and a home to return at night!! Best wishes to everyone getting through this "flood" situation, and let's keep praying for nice weather!!


Hump Day Humor~~evening of June 18th:





The Children Are Our Future
This is a list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students: It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades. The spellings are the original ones.

1. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
2. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
3. When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
4. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin.
5. A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
6. Liter: A nest of young puppies.
7. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
8. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
9. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
10. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
11. The pistol of the flower is its only protection against insects.
12. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
13. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
14. For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower that the heart until the heart stops.
15. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
16. Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
17. The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
18. Blood flows down one leg and up the the other.
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Big Secret
In the 1970's, before women were allowed to sign up for combat duty, a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a man and was able to join the army.

"But, wait a minute," said one listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?"

"Sure," replied the man.

"Well, won't they find out?" asked his friend.

The man shrugged and replied, "But who will tell?"
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Prayers Before Dinner
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"

"No sir," Little Johnny replies, "I don't have to, my mom is a good cook!"
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Excellent Poet
A professor asked a student to remain for a few moments after class. Holding out the young man's assignment, the professor said, "Did you write this poem all by yourself?"

The student said, "Every word of it."

The professor said, "Well, then, I'm glad to meet you, Mr.Poe. I thought you were long dead."
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Math Poem
This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks).
((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0





Or for those who have trouble with the poem:

A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.
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Job Interviews
Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.

- An applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
- An applicant wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
- An applicant fell and broke his arm during the interview.
- A candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office.
- An applicant explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.
- A candidate said he had never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
- A balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.
- An applicant said that if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
- An applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.
- A candidate brought a large dog to interview.
- An applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed while standing up.
- One candidate dozed off during interview.
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Redneck Ring
The woman asked her redneck lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"

"Sure," he replied. "What's your phone number?
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It's Simple
The truth is that if you take a little time to learn a few basic principles and some of the technical lingo, buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth. So let's get started!
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Unbreakable
A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.

Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."
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Selling Shoes
Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, "I'm returning on the next flight. Can't sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot."

At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling "The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!"
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Best Violins
Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: "We make the best violins in Italy."

The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: "We make the best violins in the world."

Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: "We make the best violins on the block."
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Cab Drivers
Two cab drivers met. "Hey," asked one, "why did you paint one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"

"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
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Pengiun Movies
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."

The man replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
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Not So Smart
The old Indian chief sat in his home on the reservation, smoking his ceremonial pipe, eyeing the two U.S. government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for many years. You have seen all his progress and all his problems." The chief nodded.

The official continued, "What do you think of all the white man has done?"

The chief stared at the officials for more than a minute, and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo, plenty beaver. Medicine man free. Indian people hunted and fished all the time."

The chief paused, then added, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
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The Devil You Say
The Devil tells a salesman, "Look, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any salesman alive. In fact, I can make you the greatest salesman that ever lived."

"Well," says the salesman, "what do I have to do in return?"

The Devil smiles, "Well, of course you have to give me your soul," he says, "but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children's children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity."

"Wait a minute," the salesman says cautiously, "What's the catch?"
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Happy Hump Night~~Remember that the Largest Full Moon Illusion of the year is this evening beginning around 8:43 C.S.T.!!

If you have any jokes, stories, or anything you would like to share, Please leave them in the comments section, or send them to my email for the next set of humor posts, at danielcarvelkepler@yahoo.com.. Take Care!!

More Flood Worries As Mississippi Rises

It looks like it is going to be a very beautiful week in the Iowa City/ Coralville area, which while still inundated by flood waters, will be able to breath a tiny bit, knowing that there are not more rains expected for at least a "week"!! Keep your fingers crossed, and your prayers flowing as the week progresses, and there is a gradual receding of the water.

However, as with this entire flood event, there are more worries as the Cedar, and Iowa, pour into the Mighty Mississippi River, as bring it to dangerous levels.

The story I was just reading at Yahoo News reads:
Officials warily eyed the mighty Mississippi Monday swollen by days of flooding as waterlogged Iowan towns began a massive clean-up with damage set to run into the billions of dollars.

With some 2,500 National Guard already deployed across the state trying to keep the floodwaters at bay, experts believe the Mississippi, the country's second longest river, could crest either Tuesday or Wednesday.

Iowa Governor Chet Culver warned the Mississippi would be the next battleground, as floodwaters from the state's Cedar, Iowa and Des Moines rivers poured into larger river.

link to full story

10 Things You Can Do Or ARE Doing To Make The Iowa Floods Worse

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY SARCASM ALERT: I'm Just saying~~~~~

It is Sunday around noon( finally finished after many interruptions at 2:06p.m.) and I have been contemplating this post for days, as I watch the news, and see our fellow Iowans struggling with the floods. There have been extraordinary efforts on the part of many people to assist in any way that they can to help. However, there is just as many who are doing everything in their power to make matters worse for the cities affected. I am by nature and preference a very sarcastic person, who often "attempts" to use humor to make serious points. I have seen or been told by others of the following 10 things that are occurring, and God willing will make the floods effects worse, than they have to be. I also know that even if these "offenders" read this, they are arrogant or self-absorbed enough to not recognize themselves, so basically this is just a writing exercise, and a chance to vent!!

Thanks to the awesome volunteers who have made every attempt to save their fellow citizen's homes, and business, including the college campus~~Mega~Good Karma for you ALL!!

As for those who gawked or got in the way~~may karma visit you as well, but may it be a 180 degree difference from the Good Karma people above.

This is directly from a story on the Press-Citizen online front page:Area curfews and all prior advisories against non-essential vehicle travel in the Iowa River corridor area of Iowa City still remain in effect. Streets and roadways in the river corridor area must remain clear for emergency vehicles and public safety operations. (Except for certain Special People~~She Knows Who SHE Is(part of my club), who got excellent photos of the floods for posterity's sake)!!
So the first of the 10 things to make the flood worse, would be to continue ignoring this advisory, and drive around sight seeing. Heck it is Sunday, so ignore the tragedy unfolding, load up your vehicle and go for a nice drive, possibly making sojourns to all of the affected areas, and getting in the way of people "trying" to make a difference. Hey, make it even better, and try crossing roads covered by water, maybe even getting yourself and children stranded, so valuable emergency personnel can take time away from real emergencies to save your stupid butt!!

Second, I was impressed to hear from employees coming to the mall(because we are open and those who can make it are covering for those who cannot make it in), that during the worst rains yesterday, there were actually people who had sprinklers on their lawns running--timed--"maybe", but can't they be turned off--you know just in case we end up like Cedar Rapids, and actually need the save the water resources.

A third thing you can do is go out bicycling, walking, exercising in any manner (except volunteer sandbagging or other flood related needs), so you can get nice and sweaty, and go home and take a nice, long shower. Also please wash your clothes, another sure way to use water that may be needed later. If your clothes are clean, just throw them back in for the heck of it, all the while knowing that there are people who are sitting in shelters, because their homes are under water, who have limited access to showers, clean clothes, etc.,.

A fourth way to "help" is to continue using the 911 line as an information line about the flood, even though the city officials, and law enforcement have made pleas to ONLY use 911 for an ACTUAL emergency~~Another sure sign of "concern" for your fellow Iowans, who may need the line for health problems, accidents, fires, instead of your important "need" to know "how it's going".

A fifth way to show your support, and compassion, for the flood victims, is to get out an buy a new expensive outfit, maybe a $100 pair of jeans, or some nice Michael Jordan's, instead of donating part of it to assist people who may have lost everything.

A sixth big assist for the volunteers who seemed to be annoyed by pounding on Bongo drums??? I actually read about this at the Iowa Press-Citizen online website, and it was a comment from people who signed the post~~THE SANDBAGGERS, and thanked the Bongo drum people for not only being useless, but annoying!! Maybe some "nice" accordion serenades would add to the volunteers pain as well?!

A seventh important thing to have a negative impact on the area, is to make sure you are doing your part to waste electricity. You know~~turn on all of your lights, let the dryer run with nothing in it, maybe even hook up Christmas lights if they're still up, turn on all the tv's, anything electrical, so assist in putting a strain on the electrical grid, so it will be more effort to keep pumps, and other needed equipment running.

A eighth annoyance is to call the CVB (Coralville Visitors Bureau) info line, and get upset that some businesses are closed with the classic refrain "What Flood?" Awesome! Do you ever turn on the news? You see it has been on THE National News for at least a week, and yet there are a whole lot of people who do not have a clue, and/or think it should be over, because it is "inconveniencing" them~~~just think how the flood victims have been inconvenienced~~~Oh that's right you cannot think past "yourself", so keep feeling put upon!!

A ninth thing that has been witnessed by several people, are the "geniuses" who are moving the road closed signs, putting on waders, and walking into the flood areas to fish!! Isn't it against the law to move the signs, and enter these "no access" designated areas~~~Oh right, they know that law enforcement is so busy that they do not have the resources to stop every idiot out there, but rest assured if something "bad" happens to these idiots they will be the ones screaming for help from these same "busy" law enforcement personnel!

And finally here is one that is not only happening NOW, but all of the time in Iowa City/ Coralville, and probably in every city, and that is moronic drivers who ignore emergency vehicles. The majority of driver's pull to the side when emergency vehicles are approaching, but invariably there is at least one or more vehicles, who use this opportunity to race ahead of the line of stopped vehicles, until they actually have the ambulance directly behind them and then cut in front of any vehicle that is there wthl an "aura of entitlement"!! What the hell~~that ambulance could be hauling a relative, friend, loved one, and your stupidity make it more important to get a few car lengths ahead, then do the right and legal thing~~i.e. PULL OVER!! I think we should all work to assist these "bad" drivers when this occurs~~~~I don't usually believe in snitching on people, but these can be life and death situations, so please if you see someone doing this take down their license plate number, vehicle description, time and place, and call it in to the Police. Now perhaps they cannot get in trouble right away, but perhaps the police could use this information and distribute it to their officers, and ANYTIME they see this vehicle, they may take the opportunity to do a traffic stop~vehicle safety check~~perhaps daily or several times a day, until they "understand" that they are not above the law!! An even better idea, I just received from a reader would be to get their insurance company's name if they have a insurance sticker on their vehicle, and call to inform "them" of their insureds' amazingly stupid and dangerous driving. If enough people are impacted, perhaps we can improve the safety on the roads for all of us.
One more point about driver's, and that is due to the "need" of having law enforcement in the cities, taking care of the floods, Interstate 80 has turned into the Wild West, with people often blasting by at 80 or more miles per hour, even in the 55 mph contruction area, and on at least two occasions these speeding, swerving in and out of traffic drivers, have "nearly" caused accidents with other vehicles, actually driving at the legal speed~~so if you see these people, please call them in as well!!

We have a lot to do to get through the floods, and their aftermath, and if you choose to make things better, please just don't do any of the above, and if you wish to make it as bad as possible, just go down the list and pick out your favorites (tongue firmly planted in cheek)!!
If you can think of anything else that can be "done" please comment and add them to this list!! Thanks!!

Sometimes you can make more of an impact by using humor to make a point, I hope this is one of those times!!


Have a Nice Father's Day, and Stay Safe and Dry!!

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Flood Forces 20,000 Cedar Rapids Residents To Flee

Today is a sunny day in Iowa City/Coralville, but it doesn't matter, because the waters continue to rise, with more bridges to close here. The levee has broken in Des Moines, with devestating effect, and Cedar Rapids continues to be inundated with water.

The top story on Yahoo News concerns Cedar Rapids, and at least 20,000 people who have been forced out of their homes:

Days after it rose out of its banks on its way to record flooding in Cedar Rapids, the Cedar River has forced at least 20,000 people from their homes, officials said Saturday.

Officials guess it will be four days before the Cedar River drops enough for workers to even begin pumping out water that has submerged more than 400 blocks, threatened the city's drinking supply and forced the evacuation of a downtown hospital.

"We're estimating at least a couple of weeks before the flood levels get down right around flood stage and below," said Dustin Hinrichs of the Linn County emergency operations center.

The Cedar River crested Friday night at nearly 32 feet, 12 feet higher than the old record set in 1929.

link to full story

Update On The Coral Ridge Mall And The Floods

I just received an update from the Coral Ridge Mall, which has addressed many concerns, which I had earlier today, about why we are open. While there have been some upset customers contacting the mall and asking why we are open, there have been Thankful shoppers who were extremely happy that we were here, for clothes, supplies, food, and a place to go, instead of being cooped up in their hotel rooms, as they ride out this disaster.

As you could tell this morning, I was annoyed that the Mall employees were put in jeopardy, just to get here and avoid being fined for not opening, or for not opening on time (or so I thought). The memo that I just received indicates that they Do understand that some people will not be able to make it in tomorrow (Saturday 14th) as we will be open regular hours. They also advise everyone to check the routes to get here, before trying to drive in, by calling 511 through the Iowa Department of Transportation.

My view from the aspect of shoppers "thinking" it was safe to come here, "just" because the Mall was open, and when they call guest welcome center, they are told that we are open, and I do not think most people actually know how bad it is, or how bad it will be, unless they were here in 1993. I did not live here then, but came down to visit my brother, his wife, and their children, so I saw the devestation, and can only imagine what this 500 year flood is going to do, when an additional 5 feet of water gets here this Monday.

IMPORTANT: Monica Nadeau ~~General Manager of the Coral Ridge Mall, mentions that the Mall is one of the few businesses in the area, not expected to flood. She also says that one of the ways we can reach out to the community, and offer assistance, IS by keeping the doors open and welcoming everyone during this difficult time. I have also had a chance see many frustrated parents, just glad they had a place to bring their children for the day, before going back to their "new" home at the hotel, so I will consider that we do offer a service by being open. It is also nice to know that if someone cannot get here, due to the floods, their business will NOT be fined, as there are extraordinary circumstances. This is particularly important for small businesses that may have only one employee, or may be the only employee, so they will not "kill" themselves trying to get here to be in compliance.

A little understanding on all sides will make the continuing, and worsening situation a little better. Sometimes I am impulsive and a "know it all", when I should wait and get all the facts before letting my Diet Dew soaked brain write anything, which I did not do this morning!! i was annoyed by the drive-in with "idiots". I was "what the hell are we doing here", and I was "positive" I was right, and so the Mall must be wrong~~information is an awesome thing, in looking at things from another perspective, which I have now done!!

My thanks to Monica for clarifying the Malls policies for everyone, employee and visitors alike. Come see us, if it is safe for you to do so, and with children be very cautious, but we SHALL be here for you!!

May we have a Great Deal of Luck over the next days, and weeks, as we pull together and keep these cities, and this state from deteriorating into chaos!!

Have a Safe Friday~~and Remember to NEVER Cross water running over the road, as just a few feet can wash your auto away, with you in it!!

LINK TO FRONT PAGE OF IOWA PRESS CITIZEN FLOOD COVERAGE

This next short post is for those who do not have access to the Iowa Press-Citizen, or those who have not checked it, for local coverage of the flood situation, as I post on several sites. Instead of doing a bunch of posts on the flooding, I have provided the link to the Front "page" of the online press-citizen and you can then read all the stories, see the photos, or use the links there for more in-depth information.



link to press citizen main news page on flooding

Flooding And Friday The 13th

PLEASE LET ME CLARIFY THAT DECISIONS THAT ARE MADE BY THE CORAL RIDGE MALL ARE A PRODUCT OF GENERAL GROWTH PROPERTIES, AND NOT THE JUST ACTIONS OF THEIR EMPLOYEES. Monica Nadeau is the Manager here at Coral Ridge Mall, and has always been attentive and a decent person, so I realize there are often things that are above our heads, when we work with large corporations. I apologize for implying that it was her fault for remaining open during this serious event!!

Good Morning! It is a day of more flooding in Iowa City/Coralville, and most of the eastern part of the state. It is also Friday the 13th, which I know spooks some people, though truthfully, I try and make it a lucky day every year. This year will be more difficult with all of the suffering of my fellow Iowans, but will continue to plan for the worst, and hope for the best!!

The Coral Ridge Mall is open, so we can waste valuable resources for the the very few "genuises" who will come out here today, and this weekend. I will not say anything more about these people, except to remind them of Karma~~so while people in Cedar Rapids, do not have enough water, except for drinking, and no power in many areas, we shall be open regular hours burning electricity, and wasting water~~and currently there are exactly 21 people in the food court, and probably 85 employees, just in the food court, with several hundred throughout the entire mall and anchor stores. So we all took showers, drove autos (some for 2 hours, due to limited access, as roads are cut off by the flooding), all to serve a few "genuises" with more time, than sense on their hands!! Aren't we special!! This is way more important, than being part of the community, and spending time, and resources helping people in need!!

Anyway enough about the Mall "powers that be", and their unmitigated greed, and on to Friday the 13th, with a look at its' history and things associated with 13. The first will be the word of the day:

Triskaidekaphobia (noun)
Pronunciation: [tris-kê-de-kê-'fo-bee-yê]
Definition: Fear of the number "13." (Still doubt English has a word for everything?)
Usage: Sufferers of triskaidekaphobia are triskaidekaphobes (agent noun) because they are triskaidekaphobic (adjective). The antonym is triskaidekaphilia "love of the number 13." If 13 is your lucky number, you are a triskaidekaphile. If misandrist is someone who hates men and misogynist, someone who hates women, someone who hates the number 13 but doesn't let it frighten him, would have to be a mistriskaidekist. Such a person would not avoid "13" but would fearlessly deface or remove the number whenever he encountered it.
Suggested Usage: Triskaidekaphobes are at home in US elevators (unless they are also claustrophobic) since elevators in the US do not list a 13th floor. Meanwhile, on the 12th floor, terror struck the once comfortable triskaidekaphobia support group when the newest member, number 13, knocked at the door.
Etymology: Greek treiskaideka "thirteen," based on treis "three" + kai "and" + deka "ten" + New Latin phobia "fear." The PIE word for "three" is well preserved in all Indo-European languages: German "drei," French "trois," Russian tri, Sanskrit "tri," Greek "tria," whence "triad," Scandinavian "tre," Spanish "tres," Romany "trin." The name of the "trillium," with its triplets of leaves, seems to derive from Swedish trilling "triplet." Latin decem, Greek deka "ten" and English "ten" also share the same origin, for the English form derives via Germanic *tehan, a normal reduction of PIE *dekem (with [m] becoming [n]). The same original root gave us "dime," "dozen," "decimate," and "December," which once was the 10th month.

Supreme Court Rules In Favor Of Gitmo Detainees

I was just reading the story at Yahoo News, concerning the Supreme Court ruling Thursday that foreign terrorism suspects held at Guantanamo Bay may challenge their detention in U.S. civilian courts. This is an important day for those who worried that extra-legal means were being used to keep these detainees at Gitmo, and is a setback for the Bush administration.

In its third rebuke of the Bush administration's treatment of prisoners, the court ruled 5-4 that the government is violating the constitutional rights of prisoners being held indefinitely and without charges at the U.S. naval base in Cuba. The court's liberal justices were in the majority.

Justice Anthony Kennedy, writing for the court, said, "The laws and Constitution are designed to survive, and remain in force, in extraordinary times."

Kennedy said federal judges could ultimately order some detainees to be released, but that such orders would depend on security concerns and other circumstances.

link to full story

Tornado Kills 4 Boy Scouts

In addition to the flooding in Iowa, today marks a very sad day, for Iowans and Nebraskans, after 4 boy scouts were killed by a tornado, Wednesday evening along the Iowa~Nebraska border. Three of the boys were from Omaha, Nebraska, and one from Eagle Grove, Iowa. Our sympathies go to their families, friends, and fellow scouts.

The Boy Scouts who came to each others' aid after a tornado that killed four of their comrades and injured 48 people were hailed as heroes Thursday for helping to administer first aid and search for victims buried in their flattened campsite.

Iowa rescue workers cut through downed branches and dug through debris amid rain and lightning Wednesday night to reach the camp where the 93 boys, ages 13 to 18, had huddled for safety through the twister. They and 25 staff members were attending a weeklong leadership training camp.

Lloyd Roitstein, an executive with the Mid America Council of the Boy Scouts of America, reminded reporters at a news conference Thursday that the Boy Scouts motto is "Be Prepared."

link to full story

Best Bumper Stickers Part 3 And 4

I think I shall continue with the bumper stickers as we await the latest from the floods, and hope for the best.
I get some weird and off beat catalogs, and a couple of them are the ones with the clever, funny, stupid slogans~~like bumper sticker type slogans, and the ones on t-shirts, so I thought what the heck, it is extremely slow at the Coral Ridge Mall, so why not find the best ones, and do a series of posts. I decided to break it up as it got kind of annoying reading through the whole list.
So here is part 3 in the series, and always if you have one that is not on the list, please send it to me at danielcarvelkepler@yahoo.com, or post it in the comments. Thanks to Bob Patton for already adding some to my previous posts:


I feel better after I wine a little.

Squirrels - nature's speed bumps.

I'm still a hot babe, but now it it comes in flashes.

National Spellling Bee Runer-Up

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

The Moral Majority is neither.

Dyslexics Untie!

Sorry if I look interested, I'm not!

I would rather hunt with Dick Cheney than drive with Ted Kennedy.

When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.

In case of Rapture, can I have your car?

Custer wore an Arrow shirt.

I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM.

I love animals. They're delicious.

I poke badgers with spoons.

Be alert. The world needs more lerts.

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I get some weird and off beat catalogs, and a couple of them are the ones with the clever, funny, stupid slogans~~like bumper sticker type slogans, and the ones on t-shirts, so I thought what the heck, it is extremely slow at the Coral Ridge Mall, so why not find the best ones, and do a series of posts. I decided to break it up as it got kind of annoying reading through the whole list.
So here is part 4 in the series, and always if you have one that is not on the list, please send it to me at danielcarvelkepler@yahoo.com, or post it in the comments. Thanks:


Keep on working, millions on welfare depend on you!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Veni, Vidi, VD. I came, I saw, I cankered.

I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE!

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.

That's not a haircut, it's a cry for help.

If you observe this vehicle being operated in an unsafe manner, please try to think of it as one more anomoly in the cosmic order.

If God is within, I hope he likes enchiladas!

So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.

Want a little taste of religion? Bite the minister.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life, either!

Excess is never too much in moderation.

My mind is like a steel trap. Rusty and illegal in most states.

To err is human, to moo bovine.

Think globally, Act galactically.

Corn Futures Hit Record High

I was just reading this next story at Yahoo News, and it concerns the new "high" for corn prices, in the wake of flooding, and propsects of even more devastating rains preparing to inundate the Midwest:

Corn futures extended their climb, rising to a record for a third straight session Monday as heavy rains flooded fields and battered crops in Midwestern states.

Other commodities traded mostly lower, with crude oil retreating more than $4 a barrel and gold, silver, copper and wheat also falling.

Farmers are worried that excessive rain in the U.S. Corn Belt will damage recently planted crops and hurt yields, adding to the food inflation that has driven up the price of everything from eggs to meat to bread. Last week's rain-fed jump in corn prices was the largest one-week rally in the contract's history.

Corn prices are poised to go even higher, analysts say. Weekend showers dumped as much as eight inches of rain over parts of Iowa, Illinois and Indiana, and forecasts predict more bad weather later this week.

link to full corn futures story

Best Bumper Stickers Part 2

I get some weird and off beat catalogs, and a couple of them are the ones with the clever, funny, stupid slogans~~like bumper sticker type slogans, and the ones on t-shirts, so I thought what the heck, it is extremely slow at the Coral Ridge Mall, so why not find the best ones, and do a series of posts. I decided to break it up as it got kind of annoying reading through the whole list.
So here is part 2 in the series, and always if you have one that is not on the list, please send it to me at danielcarvelkepler@yahoo.com, or post it in the comments. Thanks:


Without geometry, life is pointless.

WWJD (Who Wants Jelly Donuts?)

I'm schizophrenic and so am I.

Cats make everything taste better.

Stable relationships are for horses.

Your body would look good in my trunk.

Just say NO to negativity.

I thought I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.

When life hands you gators, make Gatorade.

I've read about the evils of drinking beer, so I gave up reading.

Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean (against doors, tables, walls).

My gamer fragged your honor student.

The bigger the hat, the better the cowboy.

My dog is smarter than your honor student.


HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Best Bumper Stickers Part 1

I get some weird and off beat catalogs, and a couple of them are the ones with the clever, funny, stupid slogans~~like bumper sticker type slogans, and the ones on t-shirts, so I thought what the heck, it is extremely slow at the Coral Ridge Mall, so why not find the best ones, and do a series of posts. I decided to break it up as it got kind of annoying reading through the whole list.
So here is part 1 in the series, and always if you have one that is not on the list, please send it to me at danielcarvelkepler@yahoo.com, or post it in the comments. Thanks:

You are 98% chimp.

Better half a slogan...

People who think they know it all really annoy those of us who do.

Ham radio operators do it with greater frequency.

I never thought I'd miss Nixon.

Well, at least the war on the environment is going well.

Jesus loves me, this I know - that is why I don't drive slow!

Churches only worship the prophet margin.

Screw world peace, visualize DRIVING.

Don't believe everything you think.

My feminine side is lesbian.

Midwest Copes With Floods, East With Heat

It is another soggy day in Iowa City, and most of the Midwest, as areas are declared disaster zones, and eight people are confirmed dead, from the weekend storms, and flooding. There is this story at Yahoo News, and at the bottom is a second link to a local Iowa Press-Citizen story concerning the area flooding that is expected this week:

Temperatures rose toward the triple digits along the East Coast on Monday as Midwesterners braced for more rain that could add to days of deadly floods.

Eight deaths were blamed on stormy weekend weather, most in the Midwest. Wisconsin Gov. Jim Doyle declared an emergency for 29 counties and President Bush late Sunday declared a major disaster in 29 Indiana counties. Iowa Gov. Chet Culver said nearly a third of his state's 99 counties need federal help.

Flooding was expected to be a continuing problem this week in the Midwest as rivers are swollen with the runoff from heavy weekend rainfall, topped by the 11 inches that fell Saturday in Indiana.

link to full midwest storms and eastern heat story

link to iowa city coralville flooding and related stories

Humor For A Soggy Severe Weather Sunday In The Midwest

Here is a little left over humor for this Soggy "Severe" Weather Sunday in the Midwest!! It is not very busy at the SmartArt Kiosk, in the Coral Ridge Mall, Coralville, Iowa just off Interstate 80 at exit #240, so I put together some jokes for your amusement, while we await the severe weather for today, and the flooding to come this week:

Peanuts and Cigarettes
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl. "You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic... And that after shave is just wonderful!"

The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it. Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine. "You jerk. Oh my gosh you stink. Do you know, you're almost as ugly as your mother."

By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation. "Ah yes sir," the bartender responds, "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."
======================

Jet Fuel
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.

In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?" Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."

"What's that?"

"Have you...err... broken wind yet?"

"No."

"Well, don't, 'cause I'm in Phoenix!"
-------------------------------------

Fast Dads
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!!"
---------------------------------------
Smart In-Law
One day, while having a heated argument with each other, the angry wife said to her husband, "I should have taken my mother's advice and never should have married you! How she tried to stop me!"

The husband replied, "Well, I'll be! How I have misjudged that woman!"
---------------------------------------

Recent Quips From Late Night
"On Wednesday, John Edwards officially endorsed himself for vice president. ... It's believed that Edwards' endorsement of Senator Obama will help Obama nail down the critical handsome millionaire vote." --Amy Poehler

"The California Supreme Court has overturned the ban on gay marriage, paving the way for California's first legal gay marriages not involving Liza Minnelli. So that's pretty good. This is groundbreaking. You know what this means? Finally, taking loved ones for granted won't be just for straight people anymore." --Jay Leno

"Earlier today, Barack Obama gave a speech in South Dakota. At the end of the speech, the crowd gave him a standing ovation. Yeah, very cool. Obama got the standing ovation not for his speech, but for being the first black person in South Dakota." --Conan O'Brien

"To give you an idea of how low President Bush's approval rating is, during the flight of Air Force One to the Middle East, they made him sit in the bathroom the entire way. And while he was in Israel, President Bush launched a political attack on Barack Obama. I guess he attacked him over there, so he doesn't have to attack him over here." --Jay Leno

"A monumental victory for the gay rights movement. The California Supreme Court on Thursday overturned a ban on gay marriage. This is great news for the state's mesh tuxedo industry." --Amy Poehler

"Speaking of presidents, Bill Clinton in the news. Bill Clinton is in a little trouble. He gave a speech at a high school in Kentucky. He was 90 minutes late. He showed up 90 minutes late. Yeah, Clinton told the students, 'I'd explain why I'm late, but you're not quite old enough yet.'" --Conan O'Brien
---------------------------------------------------------------

Low Stock
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."

Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago."

Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?"

The clerk smiled and said, "Rain."
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Oysters
A lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach.

"What did you eat for dinner last night?" asked the doctor.

"Oysters," she said.

"Fresh oysters?" asked the doctor.

"How should I know?" said the lady

"Well," asked the doctor, "couldn't you tell when you took off the shells?"

"My Gosh," gasped the lady. "Are you supposed to take off the shells?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Playing Golf
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they had passionate relations all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.

As the man prepared to leave, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been together all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying jerk! You've been playing golf!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dodge City
A cowboy had been in the saloon for a long time and decided that it was time, once again to head for the hills. He walked through the swing doors and immediately noticed that his horse had disappeared from the rail.

"OK" he said, re-entering the crowded bar "I,m gonna have one more drink and if my horse ain't back by then, the same thing will happen here that happened in Dodge City."

With that several of the cowboys ran out of the saloon and within minutes one had returned to tell him that they'd found his horse for him. As he turned to leave the bartender stopped him.

"Excuse me stranger" he said, "but what happened in Dodge City?"

The cowboy replied: "I had to walk home!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sheep Sense
Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."

The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet. "973" says the man.

The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says, "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal."

Man picks one up and begins to walk away.

"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says, "Sure!

You are an economist for a government think tank," says the shepherd.

"Amazing!" responds the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"

"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

City Hall Error
Two men take a wrong turn and walk into a room in the San Francisco City Hall. A man walks up to them, says a lot of junk, and finally declares, "I now pronounce you spouse and spouse."

One man looks at the other and tells the Justice of the Peace, "We just came in here to get fishing licenses!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Definition of a Fisherman
One jerk on one end of the line waiting for a jerk on the other end!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

British Computers
Know why the British don't make computers?

They couldn't figure out how to make them leak oil!
------------------------------------------------------
Hungry Lion
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
------------------------------------------------------
Race
A faucet, lettuce and a tomato were in a race...what happened?

The faucet was running, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!
------------------------------------------------------
Valuable Mule
A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.

A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."

"Well," replied the man, "She must have had a lot of friends."

"Nope," said the farmer, "We all just want to buy his mule."

--------------UH~~Sorry to the Mother's-in-Law ;)

Have an Awesome Sunday Afternoon and Evening!!

If you have any funny, stupid, cute, sexy, politically correct, politically incorrect,true, or odd~~~~ cartoons, photos, stories, puns, or just plain jokes, please send them to me at my personal email: danielcarvelkepler@yahoo.com, as I always appreciate humor of any kind, and I will give you credit if you wish or I will just pass them along for others to share!!
Thank You!! :)

Daniel in Iowa City, Iowa ;)

Midwest Besieged By Severe Weather

As the "End of Days" continues~~ the Midwest is getting clobbered with severe weather again today, with many areas flooded or preparing to be flooded as creeks and rivers swell past their banks. This may not be a by-product of global warming, but it is definitely causing a catastrophe for many who live here, and it may spell disaster for farmers now, and consumers later, as crops cannot even be put in many fields due to the flooding.
This story was current a little over an hour ago:

A possible tornado toppled trees in Nebraska and record flooding chased people from their Indiana homes early Sunday as the Midwest braced for still more violent weather.

At least one person downed in the Indiana flooding and one was missing since more than 10 inches of rain swamped the state this weekend. Twenty-one counties had been declared disasters, said John Erickson, a spokesman for the Indiana Department of Homeland Security
.
In Michigan, two delivery workers for The Grand Rapids Press drowned early Sunday when their car became submerged in a creek that washed out a road, the newspaper said.

The National Weather Service forecast more damaging weather Sunday in the Midwest, and posted severe storm warnings for parts of Illinois and Wisconsin.
"We not out of the woods yet," weather service hydrologist Al Shipe said.

link to full story

Political Humor And More Saturday Evening June 7th 2008

Well it is a hot Saturday, so we'll try a little humor, some current, some dated~~~about politicians, and more, to make you smile, and maybe even laugh out loud! Keep your "cool" the only ones on the hotseat are politicians and their "friends", starting right NOW:

Bush Re-naming America
While on a state visit to England, George Bush meets the queen and proclaims, “As I’m the President of America, I’m thinking of changing how my great country is referred to. It should be called a kingdom.”
The queen replies, “I’m sorry, Mr. Bush, but to be a kingdom, you have to have a king in charge, and you’re not a king.”
George Bush thinks for a moment and then asks, “How about a principality then?”
The queen replies, “Again, to be a principality, you have to be a prince, and you’re not a prince, Mr. Bush.”
Bush thinks long and hard and comes up with another option. “How about an empire?”
Getting a little annoyed, the queen replies, “Sorry again, Mr. Bush, but to be an empire you must have an emperor in charge, and you are not an emperor.”
Before Bush could utter another word, the queen offers solace. “Don’t worry, Mr. Bush, under your leadership, America is perfect as a country.”

=============================================================================================================

Interview with a General
Note this is an exact replication of National Public Radio interview between a female broadcaster and US Army General Reinwald, who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your post?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers !
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one ... are you?
===========================================================================================================================

Presidents Visit Oz
Four U.S. presidents are caught in a tornado and are whirled off to Oz. They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"What brings you before the great Wizard of Oz?"
Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly: "I've come for some courage."
"No problem!" says the Wizard. "Who is next?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well…, I…I think I need a heart."
"Done," says the Wizard. "Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?"
Up stepped George Bush sadly and said, "I'm told by the American people that I need a brain."
"No problem!" says the Wizard. "Consider it done."
There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "What do you want?"
"Uhh…is Dorothy here?"
=============================================================================================================

Johnny Learns Politics
Little Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now."
"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
=============================================================================================================

Who Said That?
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" said the teacher. "Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'"
Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, "If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
Finally, someone threw an eraser at Pedro and another student shouted, "Duck"!
The teacher, just waking up and still a bit out of it, asked "Who said that?
Pedro: "Dick Cheney 2006!"
===========================================================================================================

Agency Rabbit Hunt
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. Two hours later they come out with a badly-beaten bear who’s yelling, “OK, OK! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”
===========================================================================================================

A Coded Message
One day, a French spy received a coded message from an American spy claiming it came directly from President Bush. It read: S370HSSV-0773H.
The spy was stumped, so he sent it to his boss at the agency. His boss was stumped too, so he sent it to the Russians for decoding.
The Russians couldn't solve it either, so they asked the Germans.
The Germans, having received this same message during WWII from the Americans, suggested turning it upside down.
============================================================================================================

Out the Window
George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One. The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."
The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."
Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people really happy."
============================================================================================================

An Emotional President
Donald Rumsfeld gave the president his daily briefing. He concluded by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the president exclaimed. "That's terrible!"
His staff was stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sat, his head in his hands.
Finally, the president looked up and asked, "Just how many is a brazillion?"
============================================================================================================
Endangered Meal
The local game warden in a small town in Oregon had arrested a man for killing and eating an Egret. The man went before a judge to plead his case. After pleading guilty, but with an explanation, the judge asked him why he did it.
"I was just trying to feed my hungry family," he told the judge, "and I've never done anything like that before."
The judge, being a family man himself, had a soft heart and agreed to let the man go free, since he was only trying to feed his starving family and it was his first and only offense.
"Before you go, though, I want to ask you a question," the judge quipped, "What does Egret taste like?"
"Well your Honor," the man told him, "It's not as tender as Spotted Owl, but it's much better than Bald Eagle!"
============================================================================================================

Drugs & Circular Logic
Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, “If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I’ll let you two off.”
Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.
“I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,” the first man says.
“That’s great,” the judge replies. “What did you tell them?”
“I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.”
The other defendant says, “I got 100 people to give up drugs!”
“One hundred! How?” asks the judge.
“Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison...’”
=============================================================================================================

Bush Visits a School
After giving a speech at an elementary school, President Bush allows the kids to ask a few questions. One little boy, Billy, gathers the courage to raise his hand and asks, “How come you invaded Iraq without the support of the U.N.?”
Just as Bush begins to answer, the recess bell rings and he says they’ll continue afterward. Half an hour later the kids come back inside.
“Where were we?” says George. “Oh, yes - does anyone want to ask me anything?”
A different boy raises his hand and says, “I have three questions: First, why did you invade Iraq without support from the U.N.? Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And third, where the hell is Billy?”
=============================================================================================================

Gay Marriage Quotes
"Congratulations gay people -- you are about to discover the joys of alimony." --Craig Ferguson, on a California judge's ruling legalizing gay marriage
"The Bush administration renewed its call for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. So I guess they feel the only time that guys should be on top of each other naked is in an Iraqi prison." —Jay Leno
"President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people getting married in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people should make the decision, not judges. Unless of course we're choosing a president, then he prefers judges." —Jay Leno
"Some see the move as an attempt to preserve traditional values, while others see it as a cynical ploy to ensure that Vice President Dick Cheney will never have to pay for his gay daughter's wedding." —Jon Stewart, on President Bush's proposal for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage
"Legalized same-sex marriage has prompted a new slogan, 'We're here, we're queer and we're registered at Williams-Sonoma.'" —Craig Kilborn
"Governor Schwarzenegger has come out against gay marriage and then he went back to slathering body oil all over his muscles in front of other guys." —Craig Kilborn
"President Bush said today he's troubled by all the gay marriages... He said the only time two men should ever be in bed together is if one is a lobbyist and one is a politician." —Jay Leno
"If the last two days are any indication, the race for the White House will be pretty much decided by whether two middle-aged women can open a joint checking account." —Jon Stewart
"Although he supports a constitutional ban of gay marriage, President Bush says he supports a civil union. It has all the legal rights of a married couple but it's more like an arrangement than a real marriage. Hey, it worked for the Clintons." —Jay Leno
"President Bush says he's troubled by all the gay weddings that have been going on in San Francisco. Bush also says he's troubled by Bert and Ernie's relationship on 'Sesame Street.'" —Conan O'Brien
"Conservative groups are demanding that President Bush support a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. They feel that when the founding fathers were putting the Constitution together they made a mistake by not outlawing it. Have you ever seen the paintings of the founding fathers? The powdered wigs, the frilly collars, the pedal pushers — I think they were for it." —Jay Leno
"Earlier today, President Bush said gay marriage is immoral and that heterosexual marriage must be defended, that's what he said. ... You can tell Bush is serious because he said the new Axis of Evil is Cher, Bette Middler and Clay Aiken." —Conan O'Brien
"Our governor here has weighed in on the San Francisco situation. He said he wants them to stop the gay marriages going on up there, but he said that he still supports same sex groping. ... Governor Schwarzenegger says this is not the proper venue to express gay sexuality, but try the locker room at Gold's Gym." —Bill Maher
"President Bush is out of control. Now he says he doesn't even want gays to plan weddings." —Craig Kilborn
"The Massachusetts court decision to allow gay marriages this week may prove to be a divisive issue in the upcoming presidential election. President Bush is likely torn because he has to protect what he sees as a sacred institution and yet he knows gay marriage would boost the economy because you know those gay guys would go all out. We're talking about designer wedding cakes, $20,000 sleeveless tuxedos, giant naked man ice sculptures that pee mojitos. They'd hire Pattie La Belle as the band, give out African parrots as party favors. It'd be ridiculous. Remember, whatever your political beliefs, a vote to allow gay marriage is a vote for a fabulous economy." —Tina Fey
=============================================================================================================

Presidential Train Ride
George and Laura Bush and Bill and Hilary Clinton are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station George and Laura each buy a ticket and watch as Bill and Hilary buy just one ticket.
"How are the two of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks George W, astonished at what he is seeing.
"Watch and learn," answers Hilary. They all board the train.
George and Laura take their respective seats but Bill and Hilary cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Bushes see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game they decide to try a similar plan on the return trip.
When they get to the station they see the Clinton's at the window buying a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Clinton's see that the Bushes don't buy any ticket at all.
"Aren't you taking a terrible chance by traveling without a ticket?" says Hilary.
"Watch and learn," answers Laura Bush.
When they board the train the Bushes cram themselves into a toilet and the Clinton's cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train leaves the station, George W. leaves their toilet and walks over to the Clinton's toilet, knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."
And you're still trying to figure out how the Democrats lost the election?
=============================================================================================================

Dear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job over three years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and bullshit with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed,
Clueless


Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York, act like it!
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Ghosts Visit Bush
George W. Bush was thrilled at finally being able to spend his first night in the White House, but something very strange happened. On the very first night, he was awakened by George Washington’s ghost. Bush asked the ghost, “President Washington, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?”
“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised Washington.
With all the excitement of the White House, Bush still couldn’t sleep well, and then, later on that night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom.
“Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Bush asked.
“Cut taxes and reduce the size of the government,” Jefferson answered.
Bush still couldn’t sleep well, so much later, on the same night he saw another ghostly figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln’s ghost.
“Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?,” Bush asked.
Lincoln replied, “Go see a play.”
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The G.O.P. Condom?
Q: Why should the Republican party change its emblem from an elephant to a condom?
A: A condom more clearly and appropriately reflects the party's stance today because a condom accepts inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually getting f#$@%d.
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The Robot Bartender
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A fellow came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "150." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about Quantum physics, string theory, atomic chemistry, and so on.
The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."
The man decided to test the robot. He walked out of the bar, turned around, and came back in for another drink. Again, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responded, "100." So the robot started talking about football, baseball, beer, and so on.
Amazed, the man went out and came back in a third time. As before, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "50."
The robot then said, "So, you gonna vote for Bush again?"
=============================================================================================================
Killing Iraquis
Secretaries Colin Powell and Donald Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the bartender, “Isn’t that Powell and Rumsfeld?” The barkeep says, “Yep, that’s them.”
So, the guy walks over to the two and says, “Hello, what are you guys doing?”
Rumsfeld says, “We’re planning a war,” to which the guy replies, “Really? What’s going to happen?”
Rumsfeld says, “Well, we’re going to kill 10 million Iraquis and one bicycle repairman.”
And the guy exclaims, “Why are you going to kill a bicycle repairman!?!”
With that, Rumsfeld turns to Powell and says, “See, I told you no one would care about the 10 million Iraquis!”
=============================================================================================================

Republican Convention
New York, NY - September 2004
6:00 PM - Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM - Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM - Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)
6:45 PM - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM - Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"
7:30 PM - Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
7:35 PM - Trent Lott: "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"
7:40 PM - EPA Address #1: Mercury: It's What's for Dinner
8:00 PM - Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
8:30 PM - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8:50 PM - Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
9:00 PM - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM - Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders"
9:10 PM - EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:30 PM - break for secret meetings
10:00 PM - Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM - Carl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple
10:30 PM - Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: How to Squint and Talk Macho Even When You Feel Squishy Inside
10:35 PM - Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare
10:40 PM - John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:45 PM - GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell & Condi Rice
10:46 PM - Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, Great American Patriot"
10:50 PM - Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy
11:20 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
11:30 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM - Blame Clinton: The Answer to Everything
11:40 PM - Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"
11:41 PM - Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
11:50 PM - Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 PM - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
=============================================================================================================

Saving Clinton
Bill Clinton trips and falls over a bridge railing while jogging one morning. Before the Secret Service guys can get to him, three kids who are fishing pull him out of the water below. He’s so grateful, he offers the kids whatever they want.
The first kid shouts, “I want to go to Disneyland with my friends!” and Bill replies, “No problem. I’ll take you on Air Force One.”
The second kid says, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordans,” to which Bill says, “I’ll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!”
The third kid says, “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!”
Clinton, looking perplexed, utters: “But, son, you don’t look like you’re handicapped.”
The kid answers, “I will be once my dad finds out I saved your sorry ass from drowning.”
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Have A Great Saturday Evening!! ;)

Yesterday Vets Gathered At WWII Museum To Remember D-Day

Here is just one more story of the D-Day Annivesary yesterday, and how it was remembered by some of the men who were there 64 years ago:

Guy Gunter couldn't forget June 6, 1944 if he had to. At 1 a.m. that day, Gunter was piloting a glider carrying 15 soldiers in the Normandy invasion, which turned the tide of World War II in Europe and eventually forced the surrender of Germany less than a year later.

Now 90 and the owner of an appliance company in Atlanta, Gunter's glider was towed in by airplane and released over the German lines where it came to earth inside France.

"It was the most important day for everybody who was alive that day," Gunter said during an observance of the 64th anniversary of D-Day Friday at the National World War II Museum. "They knew we were coming, but they didn't know when and where."

link to the full story

Newspapers Run Ads About Fake Derrie-Air

I was just reading this amusing story of a fake airline, and ad, and the buzz that it is causing. I hope you enjoy this Friday afternoon "humor" snack!!

Derrie-Air has been exposed. Readers of The Philadelphia Inquirer and Philadelphia Daily News opened their papers Friday to see ads for a new airline called Derrie-Air, which purportedly charges passengers by the pound.

But the new carrier will never get off the ground. It's a one-day advertising campaign about a fake airline by Philadelphia Media Holdings, the papers' owner, and Gyro ad agency.

In light blue banners throughout the papers — as well as on their Web site, Philly.com — Derrie-Air cheerily trumpets its policy: The more you weigh, the more you pay. The ads direct readers to the Web site http://www.flyderrie-air.com.

link to full story

64th Anniversary Of D-Day Invasion And LINKS

It has been 64 years since the Invasion of Normandy, and the push that would end in the defeat of Nazi Germany. Those first hours did not bode well for the Allied forces, and even though we did prevail~~it was not quite so certain how things would turn out on that first day. Below is the wikipedia history as well as sites to overlord.com, the bbc, and pbs, for more in-depth information of that historic day!! Remember their sacrifice, and honor their memories, as these people "saved the world"!!

The Invasion of Normandy was the invasion and establishment of Allied forces in Normandy, France during Operation Overlord in World War II. It covers from the initial landings on June 6, 1944 until the Allied breakout in mid-July.

It was the largest seaborne invasion at the time, involving over 850,000 troops crossing the English Channel from the United Kingdom to Normandy by the end of June 1944.

Allied land forces that saw combat in Normandy on June 6 came from Canada, French Free Forces, the United Kingdom, and the United States. In the weeks following the invasion, Polish forces also participated and there were also contingents from Belgium, Czechoslovakia, Greece, and the Netherlands. Most of the above countries also provided air and naval support, as did the Royal Australian Air Force, Royal New Zealand Air Force and the Rotal Norwegian Navy
The Normandy invasion began with overnight parachute and glider landings, massive air attacks, naval bombardaments, an early morning amphibious landing and during the evening the remaining elements of the parachute divisions landed. The "D-Day" forces deployed from bases along the south coast of England, the most important of these being Portsmouth.

The objective of the operation was to create a lodgement that would be anchored in the city of Caen (and later Cherbourg when its deep-water port would be captured). As long as Normandy could be secured, the Western European campaign and the downfall of Nazi Germany could begin. About 6,900 vessels would be involved in the invasion, under the command of Admiral Sir Bertram Ramsay (who had been directly involved in the North African and Italian landings), including 4,100 landing craft. A total of 12,000 aircraft under Air Marshal Sir Trafford Leigh-Mallory were to support the landings, including 1,000 transports to fly in the parachute troops; 10,000 tons of bombs would be dropped against the German defenses, and 14,000 attack sorties would be flown.

Today I am doing something a little bit different as I was having problems linking all of the sites, so I have ONE link which will take you to the Iowa Press Citizen.com, where I start my posts each day, and it shall have the four links below all "Hooked" up and ready to take you to the various histories and perspectives on D-Day the 6th of June, 1944, and its' aftermath. Thank You and I hope you all enjoy the links, the stories, and please remember what this day means for the history of freedom. There was a time when America "actually" was a "Good" country, and this Day, was the pinnacle of that "Goodness"!!

ALL FIVE OF THE LINKS IN THIS POST GO TO THE PRESS CITIZEN, BUT THE FOUR AT THE BOTTOM GO TO THE CORRECT SITES AS INDICATED: WIKIPEDIA,OVERLOARD,BBC, AND PBS~~~~THANK YOU!!

LINK TO IOWA PRESS CITIZEN AND 4 LINKS

link to full wikipedia history

link to dday overlord com

link to bbc dday story

link to pbs dday american experience

Day After Hump Day Humor June 5th 2008

Sorry I was not able to post the Hump Day Humor yesterday. I received a large shipment of new and popular art prints and spent most of Wednesday and Thursday morning hanging and rearranging the prints to make them look the best!!

So without further ado here is the Day After Hump Day Humor Post!!

No Help
A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.

Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help."

"Sure it will." he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
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Donations
After the church service, a little boy told the pastor he was going to give him a lot of money when he grew up.

"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "But why?"

"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had!"
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Men Can Never Win
- If you work too hard, you re not spending enough time with her. If you don't work hard enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

- If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.

- If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

- If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

- If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're insensitive.

- If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

- If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor.

- If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you re a slob.

- If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

- If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist. If you're not, you're not ambitious.
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Gone Golfing
One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.

Ben searches diligently throught the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here."

Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter Ben?"

Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can't get out of here with an 8-iron."
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Help
One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest and staring at the screen.

After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position only now she was impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied,

"It's about time! I pushed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"
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First Worry
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
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Document Theory
Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria.

People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
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Cow Sense
The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women, met and decided that this month's outing was to be at a dairy farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and had never seen such a thing. The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus which whisked them off to their destination.

On the way, they watched out the windows as the city squalor turned into lovely, unpolluted countryside. After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited them to look him up should they have any questions.

Myrtle, after looking about, and being amazed by what she saw, stepped into a building and viewed something she thought was quite remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him - he sauntered in.

"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"

The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep' em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold.

"Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."
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Clearing Out
Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.

Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock cricket game.
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Advice
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston.

Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."
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Sausages
Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages.

Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too.

Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them.
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Deadly Food
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in New York City.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes that there are germs in our drinking water."

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to?"

"You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." said the dietitian.

The man lowered his head and responded, "Wedding cake?"
===============================================================
Nuns and Hot Dogs
Two nuns took their first trip outside the convent. They had never seen a baseball game, so they got tickets. Once inside, they sat in the bleachers, and hearing a vender selling hot dogs, one said, "We've never had hot dogs before," and they decided to order a couple.

The first nun unwrapped her hot dog, and proceeded to quickly wrap it up again, saying, "Oh, my!"

"What's wrong, sister?" asked her companion.

"Well," came the reply, "which part of the dog did you get?"
===============================================================
VIPs
I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle. While in the lounge, I notice Bill Gates sitting on the chesterfield enjoying a cognac. I was meeting with a very important client who was also flying to Seattle with me but she was running a bit late.

Being a forward type of guy, I approached Mr. Gates and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how much I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick "hello Chris" at me when I was with my client. He agreed.

Ten minutes later while I was conversing with my client, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. I turned around and looked up at him. He said,

"Hi Chris, what's happening?"

To which I replied, "Buzz off Gates, I'm in a meeting."
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Experience
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.

"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."

"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
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Cow Milking
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear.

The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
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We shall quit on that clunker~~ for today!! :)

Have A Great Thursday!!

Most Dangerous Web Domains

Here is an interesting story for anyone who surfs the internet, so please take a few moments and read about the most dangerous sites on the Web.

When surfing the Internet for safe Web sites, not all domains are equal.

Companies that assign addresses for Web sites appear to be cutting corners on security more when they assign names in certain domains than in others, according to a report to be released Wednesday by antivirus software vendor McAfee Inc.

McAfee found the most dangerous domains to navigate to are ".hk" (Hong Kong), ".cn" (China) and ".info" (information). Of all ".hk" sites McAfee tested, it flagged 19.2 percent as dangerous or potentially dangerous to visitors; it flagged 11.8 percent of ".cn" sites and 11.7 percent of ".info" sites that way.

link to full story

Kennedy Has Successful Brain Surgery

I was just reading this story a few minutes ago at Yahoo News, concerning Senator Edward Kennedy's brain surgery for removal of a tumor. I had initially made a joke about his entering the hospital a few weeks ago, and apologized when the severity of his problem was announced. My thoughts are of his successful recovery from this surgery as well as the chemotheraphy and radiation that he will be facing. My 22 year old niece had over a years struggle with brain cancer~surgery and subsequent radiation and chemotherapy~and is currently cancer "free" and trying to live a normal life.

I would like to mention one part of this story that should make people aware of our countries health policies. Senator Kennedy has a great health plan through the Senate, in addition to being wealthy enough to buy the best care, which is not the case for most people. We had a fund raiser for my niece, but even with a relatively good health plan, everything that she and her husband had went to finance her fight, with nothing but debt left over. She is alive and hopefully she will have a long future ahead of her, but for many others without any resources the future is not as bright. Perhaps this very blatant case of the wealthy getting the best of everything~including life saving medical care, is the sad truth of our nation, and make us as a nation finally do something for those who fall between the cracks, and die because of there situations!

The story reads:
Sen. Edward M. Kennedy underwent what his doctors called successful surgery Monday to treat his cancerous brain tumor.



"I feel like a million bucks. I think I'll do that again tomorrow," the 76-year-old Massachusetts Democrat was quoted by a family spokeswoman as telling his wife immediately afterward.

Dr. Allan Friedman, who performed the surgery at Duke University Medical Center, pronounced the operation a success and said it "accomplished our goals." Up next: chemotherapy and radiation, aimed at shrinking whatever is left of the tumor.

link to full story