Is Ted Kennedy Being Hospitalized Funny?

I should mention that I am feeling very evil, and very~very overcaffeinated/phenylalanined from several liters of Diet Dew, so the rant below, just seemed to flow from my fingers into the computer and appeared on the screen~~therefore I am apologizing to my liberal, and conservative, friends before you read any further!! For a moment I also thought about just being the nice guy that I am 99.9% of the time, and not writing anything mean or hurtful, but overcame that inclination with another liter of Diet Dew!!~~So for the next few paragraphs I have given myself over to my "demons" to express themselves!!
It is getting to be late afternoon, and it is very boring at the mall. I was reading several bad stories online, concerning China's earthquake efforts, and the Myanmar junta refusing to allow a French aid ship to unload. Then there was a "brighter" story about Senator Edward Kennedy being rushed to the hospital after suffering a seizure. I was going to write about that in an amusing format and basically "blame" Hillary Clinton for using Voodoo to eliminate the Obamanian Superdelegates, and to throw in the Karmic aspects of "his" life, but I thought many people would think it was in poor taste, and I assure you, it would have been!!
Perhaps I'll work that in the early part of next week, with an idea I have for Hillary to "sell her soul to the Devil~~again" for the nomination, only to find out "everyone" sells their souls to the Devil~and she is right back where she is now. I am not sure on that yet, as it may offend religious and political readers, which again would be the sole "soul" purpose, as my ability to offend anyone has not really been exercised since I wrote about our former Drooler-in-Chief~Ronnie Reagan, and found that there were people out there who actually think~~thought he was ~~are you ready?~~a good/great President, and chastised me for my posts condemning him as the evil, lying, did I mention evil, scumbag that he was behind the "grandfatherly" facade.
Oh and many of you already know I actually was a Young Republican, and worked for Reagan's campaign, only to regret it within six months of his Reign of Hell on Earth began, so don't peg me as a lefty liberal, hating on poor Ronnie as he rightly "burns" in Hell!!
There that is enough venting for today~~we'll get back to politics on Sunday, or Monday, but will fill the rest of this evening with jokes, silliness, and maybe some informative posts.
Hope You Enjoy These:)

Hospital Fun
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.

"I’m sorry," said the receptionist, "we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks."

Peter said, "But I could be dead by then!"

Receptionist replied, "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment. "
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Birthday Message
A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says, "Put 'You're not getting older,' at the top and 'You're getting better' at the bottom."

The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

"You're not getting older at the top, You're getting better at the bottom."
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Cheap Parrot
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "That’s really not so bad."

When her two daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman’s husband ‘Keith’ came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

"Hi, Keith!"
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Henpecked
Amanpreet was henpecked. He was seeing a psychiatrist about the problem. The doctor told him, "You don't have to let your wife bully you! Go home and show her you're the boss!"

Preet got home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on, you're taking orders from ME! When I get home from now on, I want my supper ON the table.

"I want you go right NOW and lay out my clothes. I'm going out with the boys.

"And YOU'RE going to stay home where you belong. Another thing, you know who's going to tie my tie?"

Preet's wife replied calmly, "The undertaker?"
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When Snails Attack
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day. A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises.

Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office. "What happened to you? the officer asks.

"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.

"Can you describe what they looked like?"

"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
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Banged Up
"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

"Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out.

"I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said.

"By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."

"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.

"Yes."

"What did it say?"

"Don't stand up in the car!"
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Three Questions
A man calls his lawyer and asks: How much would you charge me to answer three questions?

LAWYER: Four Hundred Dollars

MAN: That's a bit steep don't you think?

LAWYER: I suppose...What's you third question?
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Confessions
To celebrate their 50th anniversary, a husband booked a round of golf for his wife and himself on a trip to famous old St. Andrews' Golf Course in Scotland.

On the third tee, the husband hesitated in teeing off and turned slowly to his wife and said contritely, "Darling, I have to confess something. Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me."

His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you."

They embraced and kissed.

On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, "I'm sorry, darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since we're being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation; I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me.

The husband, froze at the top of his back swing, then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on his wife's clubs.

He screamed and ranted, "You liar...you cheat ... you despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul...and all these years you've been playing off the ladies' tees?!"
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Honest Lawyer
An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
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Off-Duty
An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets--each for not wearing a seat belt.
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In Love
A man sitting at the window one evening casually called to his wife, "There's that woman that the guy next door is in love with!"

His wife, in the kitchen, dropped the plate she was drying, ran into the living room, knocked over a vase, and looked out the window. "Where? Where?" she demanded.

"Right over there on the corner. The lady in the blue dress."

"You idiot! That's his wife!"

"Yes, I know," the husband grinned. ;)
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Wasn't that better than reading about despicable politicians, here and abroad?!
Hope You Were Amused~~ HAVE A PLEASANT SATURDAY EVENING!!