Saturday Sillies Second Series :)

Here We Go Again With A Little More Silliness:

German at McDonalds
A German tourist walks into a McDonalds in New York, and orders a beer. The guy in the line behind him immediately tells him: "They don't serve BEER here, you moron!", to which the German replied in astonishment, "You mean you're here for the food?"
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Bad Hamlet
A third rate actor is botching Hamlet mercilessly. By the time he gets to the famous "To be or not to Be" soliloquy, the crowd is abusive. They're screaming at him, throwing chairs, fruit, whatever.

So at "slings and arrows" he stops, faces the crowd and yells. "What are you blaming me for? I didn't write this junk!"
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Hugs
So this computer scientist is like a real uptight guy, uncomfortable in his own skin.

He has a hard time relating to people, you know the type, right?

So he's in a bookstore, sees a book called "How to Hug", so he thinks, "Yes, this could really help me."

So he buys it, takes it home, starts to read it, and darned if isn't volume eight of an encyclopedia!
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Young Mothers
An eight year girl is trying to check out a book entitled "Advice for Young Mothers" from the local library.

Librarian: Now why do you want to check out this particular book, dear?

Little girl: I collect moths.
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Saigon
There was a young man from Saigon

Whose limericks were two lines long.
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Sick Mule
A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmers yard. The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt. The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? That old mule standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?"

The hunter said, "Sure," and headed for the car.

While walking back, however, he decided to pull a trick on his hunting buddies. He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer had said OK, he said "No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson." With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and blasted the mule.

As he exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!" a second shot rang out from the passenger side. And, one of his hunting buddies shouted, "I got the cow!"
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$1 Bill Meets $20 Bill
A one-dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much."

The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"

The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff, church, church, church."
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Life is Backwards
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.

Life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work.

You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school.

You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, then spend your last nine months floating!
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New Math
- Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profits

- Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production

- Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion

- Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime
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And Just One More For Tonight, and for the Ladies Please Feel Free To Insert Husband in Place of Wife And Her For His!! ;)

Good Trade
A man is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whatcha get the case of beer for?"

"I got it for my wife," answers Bob.

"Oh!" exclaimed his friend, "Good trade."
:)
Have A Great Saturday Evening!! ;)